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“People don’t join cults for their darkness; they join for their apparent warmth.”

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I am sorry to hear that you have a family member in a cult. Consider the following statement:  “People don’t join cults for their darkness; they join for their apparent warmth.” That sentence has stayed with me. It explains so much. People join cults because they are offered friendship, belonging, purpose, and a sense of meaning in a confusing world. But over time, many discover something deeply wrong: that the warmth is conditional, the truth is manufactured, and the light is dimming—replaced by fear, guilt, and control.

If you have a family member caught in such a group, you are not alone. And you are not powerless. But the path forward is rarely simple.

Not All Cults Wear Robes

The word cult conjures images of robed figures chanting in basements or predicting the end of the world from mountaintops. But most cults are far subtler. They often operate behind the face of well-organized religion, high-control ministries, or charismatic teachers who say all the right things—at first. They may even appear loving, moral, and diligent in good works. This is what makes it so hard to see what’s going on. It also makes it hard for your loved one to see it, especially when the group appears to be fulfilling legitimate emotional or spiritual needs.

But behind the smiles, many such groups exhibit disturbing patterns: they isolate members from their families, demand total allegiance, manipulate with fear and guilt, and elevate human leaders as unquestionable authorities. Any disagreement is met with suspicion, warnings, or punishment—spiritual and social.

This isn’t how Jesus operated.

Jesus, Not a Human Organisation, Is the Way

In John 14:6, Jesus spoke these piercing words:
“I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

Not through an institution. Not through a hierarchy of elders or apostles. Not through a governing body claiming exclusive revelation. Christ did not establish a corporate headquarters to act as mediator. He is the mediator.
As Paul told Timothy: “There is one God and one mediator between God and mankind, the man Christ Jesus” (1 Timothy 2:5).

So when a group claims exclusive access to God through their leaders or demands loyalty to them as proof of loyalty to God, beware. They have replaced Christ with man. They have confused the body of Christ with a brand name. Jesus never required His followers to shun their families, report one another for thought crimes, or suppress their conscience in favour of group conformity.

What Can You Do?

1. Keep the Door Open

Your loved one may not listen now. They may think you're "spiritually blind" or "opposing God's will." But your consistent, quiet presence may be the only genuine love they encounter. Keep the door open. Cults are designed to close every other door—especially family ones. Refuse to let that happen. Don’t argue over doctrine unless they invite it. Instead, focus on your relationship. Remind them they are loved—no matter what.

2. Don't Mirror Their Behaviour

It's tempting to respond in kind—to get angry, or issue ultimatums. Resist that. Show them the difference between the conditional love of a cult and the unconditional love of Christ. Jesus ate with tax collectors and sinners. He never coerced. He invited. Let your attitude echo that invitation.

3. Ask Gentle Questions

People in cults are discouraged from asking questions. You can help reopen that part of their soul. Ask things like:
“Can truth really be afraid of scrutiny?”
“Why do they say Jesus is the mediator, but then insert themselves between you and God?”
“Would Jesus ever ask you to cut off your family?”

Let these questions be seeds. Don’t try to harvest too early.

4. Recognize the Signs

Many cults show common traits:

• Authoritarian leadership: leaders cannot be questioned
• Us-vs-them thinking outsiders are evil or deceived
• Information control: only “approved” materials are permitted
• Fear-based motivation: threats of divine punishment for dissent
• Shunning and excommunication: relationships held hostage
• Inward focus: salvation only within the group

If your family member is exhibiting these or is under pressure to comply or suffer rejection, they are likely in a high-control group.

When They Begin to Wake Up

Many who leave cults do so not because someone convinced them with facts, but because something didn’t sit right in their spirit. They saw hypocrisy. They watched loving friends get expelled. They saw leaders accumulate wealth while members struggled. And when they do leave, they often face deep loss—spiritually, socially, and emotionally.

That’s when they need you most.

You can be the person who doesn’t say “I told you so,” but instead “I’m so glad you’re back.”
You can be the person who helps them find Jesus again—not in the rigid rules of men, but in the freedom of grace, truth, and love.

There Is Always Hope

Cults claim exclusive access to truth, but the real Jesus is not hard to find. He walked dusty roads, touched lepers, and forgave doubters. He told people not to put their trust in men but to follow Him. He never started a club with secret rules. He started a movement of freedom.

Your loved one may still be in darkness. But light, by nature, is patient and persistent. 

 

Now read John 6:25-59 and ask, “What does God and Jesus require of me?”