Edited by Martin Cadwell, Tuesday 16 September 2025 at 07:52
I have decided that I have been neglecting my neighbours. I am usually not prepared to stop and chat with them as I whizz past on my bicycle. They wave from their cars and smile at me and I barely glance at them. Very recently though, I have come to realise that my stand-offish attitude is sub-standard for my village. I don't live in a cold and sterile environment bereft of human interaction. I live down a lane where people stop and pick blackberries next to a pasture. The birds sing, children laugh and dogs bark. My world is full of fun and happiness, of kindness and concern. It has people who care about other people, who help each other. I live in a village in which one neighbour cuts another's hedge. People here are not afraid of each other. We don't look away when a teenager is in trouble, or a dog is pining for its owners while they are at work. We don't selfishly pass by if a car battery has run down overnight and the car won't start on a winter morning. People talk to each other at the bus stop.
One of my shopkeepers spent a long time helping me to understand Buddhism to help me with a TMA, while the other helps me to understand the flavours of the Asian foods he sells, and he introduces me to new products. I make him tarts from the, to me, strange flavours, with my own twist on them. My village interacts in a fruitful way. I borrowed a neighbour's ladder and he borrowed my car to take his mum to hospital. Yet, still, I can do more. When I bought Art Supplies and left them outside my house for young mums, teenagers and the elderly to take, I carelessly thought I had done my bit. Now, I can remember that one of my neighbours said, when she stopped in her car to read my sign, "I must do that for my church." I am glad that I am inspirational but saddened that I did not immediately offer to help her implement it, or offer to give advice on Art.
I realise it is a cruel and selfish man who will find an excuse to never offer help. I realise now, that it is a broken man with a hard heart that will ignore another person; to have no will to engage, other than to make a conscious effort to undermine. I know when I see these types, because that is how I got part of my PTSD. My PTSD is a vicarious one. It was brought about by narcissism and psychopathy in one part, and by the direct effect of World War Two on one of my parents who suffered at the hands of an officer in the Sturmabteilung (S.A.) in another part.
I vow never to be selfish or mean or jealous and critical of others, or feed off other people like a parasite, or piggy-back off their efforts. In fact, I have a reminder on my wall: 'Rare is the person who can weigh the faults of others without putting his thumb on the scales' - Byron J Langenfeld (World War One aviator). I will however, paint pictures of how I see things. I am not a writer and never will be. I am alive. My eyes are not stones and my ears are not closed.
I am pleased to discover that I am alive, that my PTSD does not shut me off from people as much as it could and once did. I was once entirely numb. I am not bitter. I forgive the people who hurt me. i am not jealous; I want people to succeed. I am pleased that I have grown and can find some peace where there was only isolation. I am pleased that my neighbours have admiration for me and the feeling is reciprocated.
I am pleased that I have original ideas. I am pleased that I can invent shops and shopkeepers and streets and churches and people and cars and ladders and leaves as I please. I am glad that I do not have to.
One of the reasons I made money as an artist instead of a photographer is because I wanted to be able to add or subtract from a scene. I wanted to embellish or attenuate at will. I wanted to throw paint on a canvas and think that looks like a dolphin, I will go with that! I am pleased that I can make contrasts to act as a background to how I really feel. I am pleased I have an outlet. My world is not black with no light. It is not bleak with no hope of approbation. My world is colourful with no need for approbation. I am having fun.
Better Interaction with the world
I have decided that I have been neglecting my neighbours. I am usually not prepared to stop and chat with them as I whizz past on my bicycle. They wave from their cars and smile at me and I barely glance at them. Very recently though, I have come to realise that my stand-offish attitude is sub-standard for my village. I don't live in a cold and sterile environment bereft of human interaction. I live down a lane where people stop and pick blackberries next to a pasture. The birds sing, children laugh and dogs bark. My world is full of fun and happiness, of kindness and concern. It has people who care about other people, who help each other. I live in a village in which one neighbour cuts another's hedge. People here are not afraid of each other. We don't look away when a teenager is in trouble, or a dog is pining for its owners while they are at work. We don't selfishly pass by if a car battery has run down overnight and the car won't start on a winter morning. People talk to each other at the bus stop.
One of my shopkeepers spent a long time helping me to understand Buddhism to help me with a TMA, while the other helps me to understand the flavours of the Asian foods he sells, and he introduces me to new products. I make him tarts from the, to me, strange flavours, with my own twist on them. My village interacts in a fruitful way. I borrowed a neighbour's ladder and he borrowed my car to take his mum to hospital. Yet, still, I can do more. When I bought Art Supplies and left them outside my house for young mums, teenagers and the elderly to take, I carelessly thought I had done my bit. Now, I can remember that one of my neighbours said, when she stopped in her car to read my sign, "I must do that for my church." I am glad that I am inspirational but saddened that I did not immediately offer to help her implement it, or offer to give advice on Art.
I realise it is a cruel and selfish man who will find an excuse to never offer help. I realise now, that it is a broken man with a hard heart that will ignore another person; to have no will to engage, other than to make a conscious effort to undermine. I know when I see these types, because that is how I got part of my PTSD. My PTSD is a vicarious one. It was brought about by narcissism and psychopathy in one part, and by the direct effect of World War Two on one of my parents who suffered at the hands of an officer in the Sturmabteilung (S.A.) in another part.
I vow never to be selfish or mean or jealous and critical of others, or feed off other people like a parasite, or piggy-back off their efforts. In fact, I have a reminder on my wall: 'Rare is the person who can weigh the faults of others without putting his thumb on the scales' - Byron J Langenfeld (World War One aviator). I will however, paint pictures of how I see things. I am not a writer and never will be. I am alive. My eyes are not stones and my ears are not closed.
I am pleased to discover that I am alive, that my PTSD does not shut me off from people as much as it could and once did. I was once entirely numb. I am not bitter. I forgive the people who hurt me. i am not jealous; I want people to succeed. I am pleased that I have grown and can find some peace where there was only isolation. I am pleased that my neighbours have admiration for me and the feeling is reciprocated.
I am pleased that I have original ideas. I am pleased that I can invent shops and shopkeepers and streets and churches and people and cars and ladders and leaves as I please. I am glad that I do not have to.
One of the reasons I made money as an artist instead of a photographer is because I wanted to be able to add or subtract from a scene. I wanted to embellish or attenuate at will. I wanted to throw paint on a canvas and think that looks like a dolphin, I will go with that! I am pleased that I can make contrasts to act as a background to how I really feel. I am pleased I have an outlet. My world is not black with no light. It is not bleak with no hope of approbation. My world is colourful with no need for approbation. I am having fun.