or search for 'martin cadwell -caldwell' Take note of the position of the minus sign to eliminate caldwell returns or search for 'martin cadwell blog' in your browser.
I am not on YouTube or social media
CadwellNOT Caldwell
Tell the truth
[ 6 minute read ]
Come back, I haven't finished
For many years, I have been aware and wildly frustrated that people I am talking to take snippets of my words and run with them; off into a wilderness who knows where. As a teenager, I became aware of this, and bought a Thesaurus to help me try to explain my teenage angst, or whatever it was at the time that meant I had to try to make someone's mind stand still long enough for me to poke my own thoughts into. Really, that is so close to taking their mind hostage as to make me feel more than a bit queasy.
Realistically, I really did want the other person to stop thinking and just listen to what I am saying and then with all the facts, premises and other vastly important information I had elucidated, let their mind start working and process what I have said. Control was NOT in my hands!
Personally, I have a slight problem with making direct declarative statements. I think most people do.
'Just say what you want to say. For Goodness Sake! Spit it out!'
'Promise you won't be angry.'
But I never have those kind of conversations any more. If anything, the first person speaking, in that little conversation, is at fault. Their words show impatience, a lack of focus, and an inability to hold information in their heads. The second person might be scared, confused, or just not able to summarise what is in their head.
I suppose it takes training and a will to learn how to listen, in order to not make any judgement on what we hear. We should, I feel, wait until the other person has stopped speaking; interrupting is a sure sign that we are processing information, when we should probably just be listening, because most of us only pass information obliquely.
'Does my bum look big in this?'
'Does this shirt look good on me?' (Buttons straining just above the waist).
The second question could well be the perfect answer, under the circumstances, to the first question.
I was weirdly curious to know if anyone was using any of my old business names (dissolved now) so I Googled one. Actually, I 'Ducked' it (DuckDuckGo). I was amused that the returns, on the first index page, were all on how to write essays. I wish I had found those sites two years ago, when I started having to write essays.
It has long irked me that The Open University doesn't have a unit on essay-writing and a unit on arguments at Level 1. Instead, I feel, that I had to fumble in the dark, guessing what I was supposed to do, and having no checks on my progress until the feedback from the first assignment comes back. For me, there is a huge lack of available information. Essay writing is not like riding a bike; none of us need to get a feel for it; there are hard and fast rules and personalising essay formats is just not tolerated.
'Do this, and do that!'
'Yes, but how?'
'Work it out for yourself!'
Does that sound familiar? Now then; I want to be able to have conversations with people who know how to have good conversation. It is entirely useless to me if someone cannot present an argument, or give good instruction. Are there any lessons on how to give good instruction for beginners? Of course, they exist for school-teachers and qualified people, but wouldn't it be fine if everyone could get some kind of instruction on how to instruct?
'Right then, young school-leaver. Here is where you will be working. Get on with it.'
'How?'
'Work it out for yourself' This said under their breath.
The first thing I would do is make sure no-one had a mobile phone they could dive into with the slightest excuse. I was on a forklift training course and there was a chap who had poor English. On the same course as him were two English people. Instead of engaging them in a conversation, he used his phone to translate a word, which he did not understand, in a 'work-book' .
Now, call me a fool, but wouldn't he get a better learning outcome by discussing the meaning of the word?
Anyone who is paying attention, must by now have noticed that I started by expressing my desire for linear conversation, without the bells and whistles; just straight-up honest and direct statements, and now I am promulgating an idea that fuzzy conversation works well for me. Am I confused? Not at all. Both modes of conversation are essential in good social interaction, in my crooked mind. The issue is, do any of us know how to effectively use each mode, and when is the best time to do it?
I can't help feeling that I am outlining the ever-frustrating position we all find ourselves in; there is no manual for life. Why not? Because no-one bothered to write one. Just like at a pantomime, the crowd shouted as one:
'Oh, no-one ever could!'
Let's look at this from a different angle to how we might have become accustomed to looking at things.
If you have a secret, you use your mental ability to conceal it. If you know a secret, you might find it pleasurable to keep it or reveal it as gossip. In this latter position, of knowing a secret, we reward ourselves by thinking we are favoured to have been told it; trusted. If we reveal it, we hope to promote ourselves in the eyes of the other person, the listener; we are revealing our hierarchical position in another relationship.
This reminds me of a kind of joke I heard some years ago.
A man and Kylie Minogue are marooned on an uninhabited island. Eventually, she and he have sex. The next day, the man walks all the way around the coast of the island and comes back to Kylie Minogue, and says:
'I just had sex with Kylie Minogue!'
'I know!'
'I just had to tell someone!'
Back to my point:
If we keep a secret, we are measured in our conversational approach. If we are clever, we will not have conversations that might elicit any questions on our activities that match the secret we are trying to keep.
'Who ate my biscuits?' cried the woman holding the cupboard door open. In this case, it was you. You ate them.
A fool might mention biscuits in a conversation in the following week if they stole the biscuits. But, most of us wouldn't; quite simply because we know we would re-ignite the wounded and silent accusations that the victim might be harbouring.
From this, we can easily understand that we can indeed control our conversation if we are properly invested in it; emotionally, financially or academically. So why do we not feel invested in our everyday conversations? Why do we have only passing respect for the people we just shove our feelings at, or carelessly push information towards?
It took me over ten years to stop practicing not lying, and just be comfortable with the truth. It took me the same ten years to be confident that I am honourable. There is a problem though; it scares the heebie-jeebies out of some people. It might even make them feel somehow inadequate. It shouldn't; I chose to make an effort, that's all. If I was fit and energetic, I wouldn't run past people shouting, 'You lazy slug!' It has had a negative effect that Jack Nicholson in the film, 'A few Good Men' brought to the fore:' You can't handle the truth!' I never remember that important point.
A while ago, I had a problem with someone jumping on my 'band-wagon' of what I had written about. I was, at the time, practicing giving just enough information to allow the reader to be stimulated and then ponder the subject. The 'idea-thief', excited by his new thinking, filled in all the gaps in his own subsequent blog posts; effectively giving out 'spoilers'. How crass! In his fervent desire to be relevant, he robbed readers of their own thoughts and any chance of waking up a bit.
'For many years, I have been aware and wildly frustrated that people I am talking to take snippets of my words and run with them; off into a wilderness who knows where.'
Tell the Truth
All my posts: https://learn1.open.ac.uk/mod/oublog/view.php?u=zw219551
or search for 'martin cadwell -caldwell' Take note of the position of the minus sign to eliminate caldwell returns or search for 'martin cadwell blog' in your browser.
I am not on YouTube or social media
Cadwell NOT Caldwell
Tell the truth
[ 6 minute read ]
Come back, I haven't finished
For many years, I have been aware and wildly frustrated that people I am talking to take snippets of my words and run with them; off into a wilderness who knows where. As a teenager, I became aware of this, and bought a Thesaurus to help me try to explain my teenage angst, or whatever it was at the time that meant I had to try to make someone's mind stand still long enough for me to poke my own thoughts into. Really, that is so close to taking their mind hostage as to make me feel more than a bit queasy.
Realistically, I really did want the other person to stop thinking and just listen to what I am saying and then with all the facts, premises and other vastly important information I had elucidated, let their mind start working and process what I have said. Control was NOT in my hands!
Personally, I have a slight problem with making direct declarative statements. I think most people do.
'Just say what you want to say. For Goodness Sake! Spit it out!'
'Promise you won't be angry.'
But I never have those kind of conversations any more. If anything, the first person speaking, in that little conversation, is at fault. Their words show impatience, a lack of focus, and an inability to hold information in their heads. The second person might be scared, confused, or just not able to summarise what is in their head.
I suppose it takes training and a will to learn how to listen, in order to not make any judgement on what we hear. We should, I feel, wait until the other person has stopped speaking; interrupting is a sure sign that we are processing information, when we should probably just be listening, because most of us only pass information obliquely.
'Does my bum look big in this?'
'Does this shirt look good on me?' (Buttons straining just above the waist).
The second question could well be the perfect answer, under the circumstances, to the first question.
I was weirdly curious to know if anyone was using any of my old business names (dissolved now) so I Googled one. Actually, I 'Ducked' it (DuckDuckGo). I was amused that the returns, on the first index page, were all on how to write essays. I wish I had found those sites two years ago, when I started having to write essays.
It has long irked me that The Open University doesn't have a unit on essay-writing and a unit on arguments at Level 1. Instead, I feel, that I had to fumble in the dark, guessing what I was supposed to do, and having no checks on my progress until the feedback from the first assignment comes back. For me, there is a huge lack of available information. Essay writing is not like riding a bike; none of us need to get a feel for it; there are hard and fast rules and personalising essay formats is just not tolerated.
'Do this, and do that!'
'Yes, but how?'
'Work it out for yourself!'
Does that sound familiar? Now then; I want to be able to have conversations with people who know how to have good conversation. It is entirely useless to me if someone cannot present an argument, or give good instruction. Are there any lessons on how to give good instruction for beginners? Of course, they exist for school-teachers and qualified people, but wouldn't it be fine if everyone could get some kind of instruction on how to instruct?
'Right then, young school-leaver. Here is where you will be working. Get on with it.'
'How?'
'Work it out for yourself' This said under their breath.
The first thing I would do is make sure no-one had a mobile phone they could dive into with the slightest excuse. I was on a forklift training course and there was a chap who had poor English. On the same course as him were two English people. Instead of engaging them in a conversation, he used his phone to translate a word, which he did not understand, in a 'work-book' .
Now, call me a fool, but wouldn't he get a better learning outcome by discussing the meaning of the word?
Anyone who is paying attention, must by now have noticed that I started by expressing my desire for linear conversation, without the bells and whistles; just straight-up honest and direct statements, and now I am promulgating an idea that fuzzy conversation works well for me. Am I confused? Not at all. Both modes of conversation are essential in good social interaction, in my crooked mind. The issue is, do any of us know how to effectively use each mode, and when is the best time to do it?
I can't help feeling that I am outlining the ever-frustrating position we all find ourselves in; there is no manual for life. Why not? Because no-one bothered to write one. Just like at a pantomime, the crowd shouted as one:
'Oh, no-one ever could!'
Let's look at this from a different angle to how we might have become accustomed to looking at things.
If you have a secret, you use your mental ability to conceal it. If you know a secret, you might find it pleasurable to keep it or reveal it as gossip. In this latter position, of knowing a secret, we reward ourselves by thinking we are favoured to have been told it; trusted. If we reveal it, we hope to promote ourselves in the eyes of the other person, the listener; we are revealing our hierarchical position in another relationship.
This reminds me of a kind of joke I heard some years ago.
A man and Kylie Minogue are marooned on an uninhabited island. Eventually, she and he have sex. The next day, the man walks all the way around the coast of the island and comes back to Kylie Minogue, and says:
'I just had sex with Kylie Minogue!'
'I know!'
'I just had to tell someone!'
Back to my point:
If we keep a secret, we are measured in our conversational approach. If we are clever, we will not have conversations that might elicit any questions on our activities that match the secret we are trying to keep.
'Who ate my biscuits?' cried the woman holding the cupboard door open. In this case, it was you. You ate them.
A fool might mention biscuits in a conversation in the following week if they stole the biscuits. But, most of us wouldn't; quite simply because we know we would re-ignite the wounded and silent accusations that the victim might be harbouring.
From this, we can easily understand that we can indeed control our conversation if we are properly invested in it; emotionally, financially or academically. So why do we not feel invested in our everyday conversations? Why do we have only passing respect for the people we just shove our feelings at, or carelessly push information towards?
It took me over ten years to stop practicing not lying, and just be comfortable with the truth. It took me the same ten years to be confident that I am honourable. There is a problem though; it scares the heebie-jeebies out of some people. It might even make them feel somehow inadequate. It shouldn't; I chose to make an effort, that's all. If I was fit and energetic, I wouldn't run past people shouting, 'You lazy slug!' It has had a negative effect that Jack Nicholson in the film, 'A few Good Men' brought to the fore:' You can't handle the truth!' I never remember that important point.
A while ago, I had a problem with someone jumping on my 'band-wagon' of what I had written about. I was, at the time, practicing giving just enough information to allow the reader to be stimulated and then ponder the subject. The 'idea-thief', excited by his new thinking, filled in all the gaps in his own subsequent blog posts; effectively giving out 'spoilers'. How crass! In his fervent desire to be relevant, he robbed readers of their own thoughts and any chance of waking up a bit.
'For many years, I have been aware and wildly frustrated that people I am talking to take snippets of my words and run with them; off into a wilderness who knows where.'
https://www.monash.edu/student-academic-success/excel-at-writing/how-to-write/essay/how-to-build-an-essay
https://subjectguides.york.ac.uk/referencing-style-guides/harvard
(includes how to reference all sorts of sources, including Act of Parliament, emails, maps and films, etc.)