or search for 'martin cadwell -caldwell' Take note of the position of the minus sign to eliminate caldwell returns or search for 'martin cadwell blog' in your browser. There is a space between my name and the minus sign and NO space before 'caldwell' to eliminate the name 'caldwell' in the Google listings
I am not on YouTube or social media
CadwellNOT Caldwell
Laser beam Kindness
[6 minute read ]
Opinion
Knowing me for who I am, the vicar's dog-collar I wore wasn't about to fool my friends. Well, I say friends, but this morning I am certain they are not. I had spent some time selecting which dog-collar to buy, and at least one person was skeptical as to whether it really had any legs.
'It's quite yellow.' said one. I agreed and thought it also cheap and tacky.
Last night, I met up with some acquaintances, a rowdy bunch. One or two jeered me for the vicar get-up but I felt I should present myself as not being fertile ground for mischief or wrong-doing, such as I know the rest of them are.
It was a morning dream, rudely shattered by I know not what. I can guess, but it would only be a guess; one with significant weight of belief behind it, but still only a guess.
When I was sixteen, I dreamt that I awoke and in my bedroom I made out two semi-opaque figures facing one another. There was a question in the air, 'You need to choose. What will you choose?' I suppose there can never be a question as finite as 'Do you choose to be good or evil?' since there is a small element of evil in everyone and vice-versa. Yeah, I know, the truly evil person surely cannot save a kitten from starvation, right? The answer is wholly outside of my bailiwick of comprehension.
I didn't ponder for long; I was sixteen and just like how a lot of cartoons portrayed teenagers way back when, the only thing that resembled any conviction of intent or might volunteer for comprehension was the singular, 'I dunno.' Hence, the answer I gave was 'I can't answer that right now. Let's wait and see.' I have been chased by that indecision for all the days following. I don't mean I plan to be bad or make people miserable; I mean, in trying to be good, I suppose without the support I would have received if I had made the right decision back then while still malleable, I recognise my badness. I don't steal or beat people up, and I am pretty certain I don't lie anymore. Yet, I think by being remiss in 'giving' in some ways (which I still don't seem to have fathomed yet), there are fissures in my wall of determined kindness.
In the dream, meeting with long-standing acquaintances whom I know are just representations of real people, in the real world who live next door to us and love their families and so on, and deliberately wearing a vicar's dog-collar during that meeting, for me meant that I was re-taking my vows to try not to be open to making mischief and deceit; a decision I made some years ago after recognising my 'bad'.
Not being open to being 'bad' is one thing. Yet, it means I am only neutral in all things emotional; which, of course, I largely am. I make efforts to be generous; and it is always with effort. I have to decide to be generous; shall I buy some art stuff to leave outside for the neighbours to take? Gladly, though, I embrace the idea as soon as I make the question. 'Of course!' How can I not? If the question arises it is because I can be generous; I am in a good position and, selfishly, I know it will not noticeably impact on my life in any negative fashion beyond having the carry the stuff. Except, It does negatively affect me. I possess the items until they are taken from outside my home so I guard them against free-loaders. I suppose that means I have created a scenario in which my kindness should be received in only the way I intended without recognising that the bed in which I have sown the seeds of generosity may need me to stop tending it for a while. Stop weeding and manicuring, if you will.
'Children, come here. You may only feel my love in the way I give it. You may not reinterpret it in any way. If you find you are loving and kind because I love you, you must not be kind and thoughtful to others, unless you ask me first. I gave the love to you but I still own it, okay? And by the way, if I give you a gift you must use it only in the way the manufacturer intended. Understand?'
The freeloaders I despise may indeed take all the items because they really need a couple of quid for food and they may, in my mind unlikely, trade the cheap art supplies for a couple of metaphorical meat-pies or something.
Perhaps the book I lent my sister, which I hadn't fully read, was lent out of a desire to help her and when I was annoyed that she lent it to someone else to help them I was bad. I was bad because I placed a condition on my 'generosity', one which we might all expect from lending something; to whit, you get it back. I failed to recognise that my sister gained more than I intended from the book. Not only did she read the words and grew from them; she also contributed to the strength of her friendship with someone elsewhere. I suppose at that time, had I recognised it, I would have resented that. 'I haven't finished reading the book! You was supposed to give it back! You have disrespected my 'generosity'!'
Yup, that's about it. That is a black mark on my character. Even today, it is hard to establish a firm footing on exactly where I am on lending something out and then someone beyond the person I lent it to getting the benefit of it. I didn't aim for them. My kindness is a laser-beam and should not be shared! If it is diffused it might become so weak that it becomes insignificant. However, it will, I hope, find its way into a pool of kindness that everyone can bathe in, even if I don't know their names.
Religious people have their own very different scripts; doctrine that is so far from this that there can never be any comparison. 'Love because I love you!' Their beliefs grant them something they believe is an absolute, and perhaps it is. I shall not disparage anyone's beliefs, but neither will I plagiarise religion and call the good bits my own. Life lived with others takes effort, understanding and respect. If you will: I want the Open University to just give me bullet points of information because it is speedier for me, but the OU wants me to understand the information by working through it. My efforts to build on any comparison between my wants and the Open University's focus are so ineffective that it leaves me only frustrated. I am compelled to do as the Open University commands otherwise I am not worthy of merit. Bit of a dichotomous turn-around, don't you think? I want doctrine and absolutes in my Arts and Humanities studies, yet it is anathema to me in the real emotional and social world I need to be in.
My intent was not for my views to be taken up as banners to support or portray how religion may be useful, desirable or necessary, yet I must abide by my own drive. I should recognise that my views should not come with any conditions and they might be used to love or hate in equal measure, in far places and in many futures.
If you want to write on this subject, 'vicarious love and kindness', which is not my own invention, and you want to use any of the points I have made in this blog to support your take on it or argue against, then you should cite and reference accordingly. Since this is a blog post and is on the Open University server, of which I have no control, be sure to include the date you accessed it.
Laser beam Kindness
All my posts: https://learn1.open.ac.uk/mod/oublog/view.php?u=zw219551
or search for 'martin cadwell -caldwell' Take note of the position of the minus sign to eliminate caldwell returns or search for 'martin cadwell blog' in your browser. There is a space between my name and the minus sign and NO space before 'caldwell' to eliminate the name 'caldwell' in the Google listings
I am not on YouTube or social media
Cadwell NOT Caldwell
Laser beam Kindness
[6 minute read ]
Knowing me for who I am, the vicar's dog-collar I wore wasn't about to fool my friends. Well, I say friends, but this morning I am certain they are not. I had spent some time selecting which dog-collar to buy, and at least one person was skeptical as to whether it really had any legs.
'It's quite yellow.' said one. I agreed and thought it also cheap and tacky.
Last night, I met up with some acquaintances, a rowdy bunch. One or two jeered me for the vicar get-up but I felt I should present myself as not being fertile ground for mischief or wrong-doing, such as I know the rest of them are.
It was a morning dream, rudely shattered by I know not what. I can guess, but it would only be a guess; one with significant weight of belief behind it, but still only a guess.
When I was sixteen, I dreamt that I awoke and in my bedroom I made out two semi-opaque figures facing one another. There was a question in the air, 'You need to choose. What will you choose?' I suppose there can never be a question as finite as 'Do you choose to be good or evil?' since there is a small element of evil in everyone and vice-versa. Yeah, I know, the truly evil person surely cannot save a kitten from starvation, right? The answer is wholly outside of my bailiwick of comprehension.
I didn't ponder for long; I was sixteen and just like how a lot of cartoons portrayed teenagers way back when, the only thing that resembled any conviction of intent or might volunteer for comprehension was the singular, 'I dunno.' Hence, the answer I gave was 'I can't answer that right now. Let's wait and see.' I have been chased by that indecision for all the days following. I don't mean I plan to be bad or make people miserable; I mean, in trying to be good, I suppose without the support I would have received if I had made the right decision back then while still malleable, I recognise my badness. I don't steal or beat people up, and I am pretty certain I don't lie anymore. Yet, I think by being remiss in 'giving' in some ways (which I still don't seem to have fathomed yet), there are fissures in my wall of determined kindness.
In the dream, meeting with long-standing acquaintances whom I know are just representations of real people, in the real world who live next door to us and love their families and so on, and deliberately wearing a vicar's dog-collar during that meeting, for me meant that I was re-taking my vows to try not to be open to making mischief and deceit; a decision I made some years ago after recognising my 'bad'.
Not being open to being 'bad' is one thing. Yet, it means I am only neutral in all things emotional; which, of course, I largely am. I make efforts to be generous; and it is always with effort. I have to decide to be generous; shall I buy some art stuff to leave outside for the neighbours to take? Gladly, though, I embrace the idea as soon as I make the question. 'Of course!' How can I not? If the question arises it is because I can be generous; I am in a good position and, selfishly, I know it will not noticeably impact on my life in any negative fashion beyond having the carry the stuff. Except, It does negatively affect me. I possess the items until they are taken from outside my home so I guard them against free-loaders. I suppose that means I have created a scenario in which my kindness should be received in only the way I intended without recognising that the bed in which I have sown the seeds of generosity may need me to stop tending it for a while. Stop weeding and manicuring, if you will.
'Children, come here. You may only feel my love in the way I give it. You may not reinterpret it in any way. If you find you are loving and kind because I love you, you must not be kind and thoughtful to others, unless you ask me first. I gave the love to you but I still own it, okay? And by the way, if I give you a gift you must use it only in the way the manufacturer intended. Understand?'
The freeloaders I despise may indeed take all the items because they really need a couple of quid for food and they may, in my mind unlikely, trade the cheap art supplies for a couple of metaphorical meat-pies or something.
Perhaps the book I lent my sister, which I hadn't fully read, was lent out of a desire to help her and when I was annoyed that she lent it to someone else to help them I was bad. I was bad because I placed a condition on my 'generosity', one which we might all expect from lending something; to whit, you get it back. I failed to recognise that my sister gained more than I intended from the book. Not only did she read the words and grew from them; she also contributed to the strength of her friendship with someone elsewhere. I suppose at that time, had I recognised it, I would have resented that. 'I haven't finished reading the book! You was supposed to give it back! You have disrespected my 'generosity'!'
Yup, that's about it. That is a black mark on my character. Even today, it is hard to establish a firm footing on exactly where I am on lending something out and then someone beyond the person I lent it to getting the benefit of it. I didn't aim for them. My kindness is a laser-beam and should not be shared! If it is diffused it might become so weak that it becomes insignificant. However, it will, I hope, find its way into a pool of kindness that everyone can bathe in, even if I don't know their names.
Religious people have their own very different scripts; doctrine that is so far from this that there can never be any comparison. 'Love because I love you!' Their beliefs grant them something they believe is an absolute, and perhaps it is. I shall not disparage anyone's beliefs, but neither will I plagiarise religion and call the good bits my own. Life lived with others takes effort, understanding and respect. If you will: I want the Open University to just give me bullet points of information because it is speedier for me, but the OU wants me to understand the information by working through it. My efforts to build on any comparison between my wants and the Open University's focus are so ineffective that it leaves me only frustrated. I am compelled to do as the Open University commands otherwise I am not worthy of merit. Bit of a dichotomous turn-around, don't you think? I want doctrine and absolutes in my Arts and Humanities studies, yet it is anathema to me in the real emotional and social world I need to be in.
My intent was not for my views to be taken up as banners to support or portray how religion may be useful, desirable or necessary, yet I must abide by my own drive. I should recognise that my views should not come with any conditions and they might be used to love or hate in equal measure, in far places and in many futures.
If you want to write on this subject, 'vicarious love and kindness', which is not my own invention, and you want to use any of the points I have made in this blog to support your take on it or argue against, then you should cite and reference accordingly. Since this is a blog post and is on the Open University server, of which I have no control, be sure to include the date you accessed it.
Cite this:
Cadwell, M (2026), in 'Laser beam Kindness', The Open University Personal Blogs (online). available at: https://learn1.open.ac.uk/mod/oublog/editpost.php?blog=1&post=354959&referurl=https%3A%2F%2Flearn1.open.ac.uk%2Fmod%2Foublog%2Fview.php%3Fuser%3D852553%26amp%3Btaglimit%3D500%26page%3D0