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The Alternative Feminist/Marriage

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Edited by Aideen Devine, Friday, 2 Sep 2022, 16:08

Strong opinions are expressed here. You have been warned!!

Ahhh marriage, that great old institution, the bedrock of a civilised society, the foundation upon which all stable families depend and……..Oh what was that !!!  I must have fallen asleep and been dreaming, it’s ok, I’m awake now!!

Marriage, well it certainly is an institution!  Having indulged and been lucky enough to have escaped with all my faculties intact (just about), I have to say that the institution analogy is very appropriate.  As a matter of fact, I think we should replace the wedding rings with something more symbolically appropriate, like a straight-jacket and a frontal lobotomy for her, and a remote control and a lifetime’s subscription to Sky sports for him. 

Because that’s what seems to happen to couples after the rings go on. She disappears into herself and forgets that she used to have life outside of housework and children. Every day merges into the same miserable drudgery until you’re living in some nightmarish Groundhog day scenario, with each day as monotonous and soul destroying as the next. 

And as for him!! Well, what can I say, all of a sudden the antics of some football team and ownership of the remote control becomes a life or death struggle in getting through the daily round of mutual loathing and  contempt that your marriage has become. 

You look at him/her and try to remember what it was about this person that you used to profess to love for.  LOVE?? You say to yourself, bitterly, what does that even mean? How can something that was supposed to be so wonderful, turn so quickly into this seething hotbed of petty power struggles and sneering asides; where trying to agree what DVD to watch on a Saturday night can quickly descend into a trade-off of insults where her mother’s overbearing intrusion is voiced for half the neighbourhood to hear, and where his father’s personal habits are dissected with a venom that sends small animals and children running for cover; where all those little annoyances, like hanging the toilet roll the wrong way, can escalate into an issue of such magnitude that the UN put a platoon of special forces on stand-by, just in case! You finally agree but agree isn’t really the word is it?  What actually happens is that someone has to back down, adding another layer of contempt to an already expanding portfolio of her f**king whinges and his all-round uselessness.

In time, you’ll look back and wonder if you were suffering from some sort of mental pathology, as you remember how you actively pursued this state. You’ll recall how you wanted this, how you dreamed and planned for it, saved every penny to pay for it, maybe even borrowed thousands of pounds because you wanted to make your day special, and now, all you can think is ‘What the hell was I thinking, why did nobody warn me?’

You could have travelled the world several times over, had great holidays to exotic countries, met more windswept and interesting people but no, you got married instead. You look over at your other half and can barely contain the sneer quivering on your top lip. Stuck now with children and a mortgage, you’re trapped and the worst thing is, YOU DID IT TO YOURSELF!!!!!   

Yes, marriage, don’t ya just LOVE IT????!!!!

Which makes all the controversy over gay marriage seem a little unnecessary, don’t you think? Personally, I don’t have a problem with gay marriage, far from it, I really think that gay people should be allowed to get married. I mean why should the heterosexual community be the only ones to suffer!  After all, the only people who complain about not being married are people who never were and, believe me, a few years of marriage will certainly cure them of that.

 So if you’re thinking about getting married and reading this is making you nervous, GOOD, you have been warned!!!  But never fear, it’s not all doom and gloom, there is an escape clause, it’s what divorce was invented for. And finally if the worst comes to the worst, remember, marriage may be grand but divorce can be SEVERAL!!!

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Love life fear no gods

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Like Aideen I am all for Gay Marriage.  However unlike Aideen I am in the unfortunate position of being in a marriage I love.

Admittedly out of 15 year's we have been married 6.  We did the mortgage and kids first.  Our belief of marriage was very suspect, despite the push of her parents.  Yet as an Atheist and an Agnostic (who doesn't believe in gods or god....I know!)  we decided to get married in a civil service.  (Marriage by the way is more a secular thing, rather than a religious thing.)

My wife and I are still very much in love despite our marriage.  However Aideen you may or may not meet the woman of your dreams and I hope you love every minute. smile


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Strong opinions indeed and I don't agree with them although I can laugh with you and empathise with how some marriages can be.  Trouble is some people get married for the wrong reasons and to the wrong people.  They jump without thinking or think that the marriage ceremony is going to 'fix' things or see the wedding day as the be all and end all, which guarantees they will come unstuck.  Marriage is something that must be worked at with a helping of generousity (and an ability to be selectively deaf or blind on occasion).  I was single for a long time because although I dated some lovely men they weren't right for me, according to my inner voice.  Then I started dating my husband who I already knew, our relationship was formed over a long period and I took quite a cold blooded look at the whole marriage thing (on the basis that a man can still propose to a woman when she is battered and bruised and savagely snarling after having her wisdom teeth out I said yes) - I have been incredibly lucky and happy for the last 18 years!

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Thanks for the comments folks, always glad of the the feed back.  But just for the record Simon, I am female and not gay, unfortunately, because I know some great women but not so many great men!!