Well Hello fellow OU's.
In Feb 2015, I began my Open Uni Combined Social Sciences Degree, with Module : Introduction to Social Sciences. What a fantastic journey, in itself! I immediately felt the peer to peer friendships and support, which helped me to overcome my initial anxieties. I must say that tutorial days were not my favourite element but they helped me to feel I belonged and that I was just the same as everyone else on the course. I was terrified but so excited; it even exhausted me, until I calmed down, after a few weeks of starting and my studies set in.
Two weeks into the module, my first, I had to have a massive kidney stone cut out of my kidney, which made me very poorly and in incredible pain and exhausted for about six weeks. However, I had no choice in the timing as my health was poor.
My first TMA, the one which helps you and your tutor begin working together from, was simple, looking back now, but at the time, was very boring and boy was I glad to get passed that. I spent months working on getting to know a very grotty road and its inhabitants and community to enable me to understand how a person is part of a home, within a street, in a place, in a society, which works in a very interesting manner; this however, took months to reach, where I realised it's worth studying.
My second and third TMA's were very tricky but somehow I passed them and as I moved forward through the module, my marks increased; this had never happened to me in study before, so it was fantastic. It was however, a very stressful time with learning to study at Uni level after no formal academic training, due to my disability and health problems which kept me from academia.
I luckily had a really good tutor, who was there whenever I needed help understanding things. Somehow, by TMA05, I was passing well, although, over concerned about my overall mark for the module end. I needed extensions for most TMA's due to my health but by the end, I had passed 5 TMA's and had a online test and an EMA to complete, in order to get the module under my belt. This became tricky at the last few weeks as my health deteriorated, as did my Father's, who is in the late stages of Vascular Dementia. I have severe anxiety, depression and Spinabifida; I reached a point where I was unable to keep clear of kidney and bladder infections, and became rather poorly indeed.
I eventually gave in and was taken into emergency and then a ward and told, well... yes, you might be due to hand in your EMA in five days, but right now, you are extremely poorly and you cannot study until we have this sorted. At this point, my urine was the appearance of sick, which you throw up; a doctor couldn't believe it was urine; it wasn't... it was puss. God was I ill! I had struggled to get to a point where I realised I needed to rewrite my EMA plan and essay, but how could I complete this, whilst being so poorly? It seemed impossible and another let down for me with my health, once again.
I had no phone signal from my ward, to contact my tutor or Uni. I eventually got a message to him and to Student Services, who realised that what I had written, would be submitable, if I could turn it into a summary or plan. It meant however, putting together a special circumstances report to enable me to have my work assessed on its merits as it was. I was advised I would probably be told, you tried but need to write a different EMA in Oct/Nov. This was a horrendous thought and I was so sick, it was heartbreaking. My father was deteriorating but I had no choice but to look after my self as the doctors told me this infection was life-threatening. However, how could this be happening, when I'd put my world and heart into getting this far on the module and being so close but so far from passing. It felt cruel.
I was let home after about 5 days to then be able to talk to tutor and stud. support, who at the last minute, realised that it was worth me submitting what I had written, provided I accepted that I may have to re-write my EMA again. I sat up for two nights very poorly but somehow, I wrote the medical report and submitted my summary and plan of intended EMA. I thought everyone else was going to pass except me.
Well... When the time came for module results, I became very depressed and expected a fail, with instructions to re-write the EMA or even do the whole module again, which I felt unable to face. I pressed the results box button and OMG!!! I had passed and passed amazingly. I got 84% overall and even though my health meant they could not give me a higher credited pass, I still know I passed well. This has never happened to me in my life before.
I had to take module (8 months) out, to stabilise my health, but here I am, hoping to start my second module, this October... DE100 Investigating Psychology. After a difficult year, I sit here, praying that somehow, I can firstly reach module start and then, somehow, get a pass. I'm terrified, as I was last year, probably even more so. But I will never be able to do a paid job, as my health is so difficult, so studying and writing is what I want to do. I fear failure; fear not getting anywhere. Right now, I have to just be in the moment; I cannot do more than that. I also have to consider that I will lose my Father over the next few years at some point, so taking Uni by modules, is a good plan.
I pray that I will keep moving forward.
Just to note, for my own journal... I have Spina Bifida. I had open kidney surgery last March, two weeks into the course, then a Neuro incident this year in February, which mimicked the effects of mini-stroke (paralysis, loss of speech, voice and vision, which came back soon after) or possibly a first M.S. setback. Awaiting tests over six month period. Somehow, I just have to keep going. My reactive-depression and anxiety are horrendous since this episode but I cannot drown; I have to swim.
Lisa (25.5.2016)
