Don't cry for me, I'll be seeing ya.
Personal Blogs
After successfully leading all the rats (and as a presumably unintentional side effect, children) out of Hamelin, the Pied Piper was recruited by West-Of-England farmers to do something similar with badgers.
You seldom hear about this though, because it was somewhat of a culled following.
?
My cousin, the historian, has just written an article challenging the whole concept of the medieval castle. Apparently it's quite fort provoking.
The news is wearing my dog out. It's all, "Beg, sit. Beg, sit. Beg, sit".
I used to be pretentious. Now I'm fully tentious.
My latest web startup is for people who want to come clean, over shameful things they've done. It's called "Fessbook".
All these working as a private driver. And, what have I got to show for it?
"Oh Mummy, Daddy", cried the baby Gods and Godesses.
"Why can't we pelt the human beings with hail?"
"Because I said snow."
Dear JE
Tonight a friend told me a joke I read just yesterday (although possibly in a different newspaper).
He didn't say "Stop me if you've heard it". I didn't laugh.
Which of us is most to blame, and how can I mend the rift that ensued? Please advise IP.
Gratefully, etc.
If you claimed cheese never existed, you'd be a cheese denier.
But merely pondering on its purpose would make you a cheese whyer.
Justice must be obscene to be done.
"Y?"
"Because I Z so!"
Met some sailors in a bar. They reckoned they were from an unsinkable ship, called "The Cork", which would make them the "Cork's crew". What a windup!
To touch infinity.
But yet I knew no other way,
To find what is to be.
A bit repetitive. Sorry to be a pain.
I've never forgotten.
The button presses.
The bathroom geyser that regularly exploded.
The woman that cried every night on the stairs.
That we were happy then.
When Wendy pinned a panel with a panel pin.
The panel Wendy pinned was pinned by Wendy's panel pin.
There's a plaice for us
Hit the roach jack
Sole tune
Sild with a kiss
I got the hippy hippy hake
Happy dace are here again
Char, char, char
Salmon my way
Whiting for love
Trout of luck
Is this the face that sunk a thousand chips?
'Tis better to have lunched a lot, than never to have lunched at all.
There was a young gel of the fens
Who interviewed ten thousand hens.
She said, "They just clucks,
Why didn't I choose ducks?
I suppose I was simply being dense."
When young, we were expected to learn proverbs at school. For example, "Accidents will happen".
Having a retentive memory, for this kind of thing at least, and admiring some of the poetry that makes them memorable, I always liked being sent to the back of the class to learn more.
But mostly these pearls of wisdom sound nice, but tell us nothing as a guide in life. So I thought I would try to compose some novel ones, which would be memorable in the same way as the saying, "Rome wasn't burnt in a day", but pass on useful information for our times. My first is
"Always put the soup in the saucepan".
This advice feel noteworthy and eloquent, and I know it is worth following, from recent personal experience.
I was offered a role in a Reality Wildlife film. But I pulled out, when I found the scriptwriter had given me all the worst lions.
I've started a new charity, providing soft drinks to depressed rodents. It's called Lemming Aid.
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