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The Companion: Part 57

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The trial is about to start.  The hearing is in front of two judges: Professor Gonzales and Doctor Lansakaranayake.  Mr Greenwood appears for the prosecution.  I appear for the defence.  The accused is Kelvin Stark.  We have agreed that our side will not attach any titles to him. 

            A recent but very surprising development is that this trial is being heard before a jury.  Look at them: six members of the crew of Greenwood’s ship, and six colonists.  The crew members were picked by me, and the colonists were picked by Greenwood.  He rejected dozens, including anybody who had served in Kelvin’s army, and anybody who had been wounded or suffered a bereavement at the hands of the invaders.  The crew members are all in uniform.  The others are in what I would call “colonial casual”: handmade leather shoes with visible seams, trousers covered in multi-coloured patches, hand-knitted jumpers.  I have made Kelvin swear solemnly that at no time during these proceedings will he turn up in his military uniform.  Once I had got his agreement on that, I started to feel a bit more relaxed about our prospects. 

            Here comes Kelvin, wearing a kind of Graham Greene-style linen suit, narrow bronze-coloured tie and brown shoes (polished by Chandra, as usual).  His choice of clothes is rather unseasonable: it has been raining solidly for two days here.  There is a slight smell emanating from the colonists’ waxed coats which hang at the back of the hall.  Kelvin is escorted into the dock by one of the ushers, who is an employee of the local council, and a colonist.  The courtroom has an improvised feel about it, which is not surprising in this town which does not have a name yet.  The public gallery is a set of wooden benches on a rostrum, covered in cushions that people have brought themselves.  It is packed.  The dock, the empty witness box, the jury and the judges’ bench are divided from the rest of the room by panelled and varnished wooden partitions.  Greenwood is wearing a pin-striped suit, and the judges both wear black, academic gowns.  Before the trail, I had thought for one awful moment that Greenwood would insist on wig and gown for counsel, but we have been spared that. 

            Now we stand.  Has Kelvin remembered to stand?  Yes, he has.  There is some uncertain shuffling among the audience.  The judges seat themselves, and so does every-one else.  This court is now in session.  Greenwood stands again, and begins his opening speech.  After a few minutes, I must admit that I am slightly disappointed.  It is a bit predictable and tedious compared to what I was expecting from him.  At last, he is about to call his first witness, Samantha Dale.  I remember her from when I had to prosecute Pamela Collins and Prudence Tadlow during the voyage.  I lost that case.  Miss Dale is now taking the oath, on the Bible.  Here comes Greenwood’s first question.

            ‘Miss Dale, is it true that, during the conflict which happened here about two years ago, you were captured by a group of armed men?’

            ‘Yes, and repeatedly raped, and threatened, and locked up.’

            ‘Yes, indeed.  I am sure we all feel a sense of repugnance at the way you were treated.  I commend you for your courage in coming through that ordeal.  Now, at any time while you were being held by these men, were you taken from your home on the island known as I-13 and put on board a boat?’

            ‘No.’

            ‘No?’

            ‘It was a huge great ship, not a boat.’

            ‘Indeed.  A ship.  Can you tell me what happened to end your time on that ship?’

            ‘The fucker sank.’

            ‘Er.  Just so.  Please remember that you are in a courtroom, Miss Dale.  Has anybody ever told you how the ship came to sink?’

            ‘No.  Nobody ever bothers to tell me anything.’

            ‘Well I can tell you now, without fear of contradiction, that the ship was sunk deliberately, under the order of Kelvin Stark.’

            ‘King Kelvin, you mean?’

            ‘I’m sorry?’

            ‘You talk about him as if he was just some bloke: Kelvin Stark: it makes him sound like a teacher or an estate agent, but he’s the king.  He is King Kelvin the First.’

            ‘Er, indeed.  Could you answer the question, please, Miss Dale?’

            ‘What question?’

            ‘How do you feel about the fact that you were subjected to shipwreck and possible drowning under the orders of – er – King Kelvin?’

            ‘I am fine with it.’

            ‘You are fine with it?’

            ‘That’s what I just said.’

            ‘But your life was put at risk.  Many of your fellow passengers drowned.’

            ‘We were prisoners, not passengers.’

            ‘Many of your fellow prisoners were drowned.’

            ‘And raped, and beaten to death in front of their loved ones, raped again after they were dead, and then the loved ones shot.’

            ‘Miss Dale, do you accept that you were at severe risk of drowning when Kelvin Stark issued the order for the bow doors of your ship to be opened in order to make it sink?  Yes or No?’

            ‘Yes, but I’d…’

            ‘Thank you, Miss Dale.  You are dismissed.’

            ‘But I…’

            Judge Gonzales intervenes.  Samantha Dale leaves the witness box.  Jessica Springer is called.  She also swears on the Bible, though what she is saying is so quiet that only the clerk and the judges can hear her.  Greenwood looks concerned, and somewhat abashed.

            ‘Miss Springer, how would you feel about the news – which is not in dispute – that you were subjected to drowning at the order of Kelvin Stark?’

            ‘I think he’s a bastard.  A total bastard.’

            ‘I see.  Why do you say that, Miss Springer?’

            ‘He should have killed us all.  We don’t want to live.  We were defiled.  We were polluted and tainted with their filth.  We can never, ever be clean.  We want to die, die, die.  It is the only way we will ever find relief.  We were their playthings.  The dignity of human beings, callously and ingeniously abused for mere sport and entertainment.  I would have killed myself by now, but I can’t think of a method of suicide that would make me dead enough to forget what they did.  Are there degrees of deadness?  What is the worst?  Burning?  Acid?  Explosives?  What?’

            ‘Er, your Lordships, I suggest that this witness should be, er…’

            Some-one appears to escort Miss Springer from the witness box.  I can’t see who it is at first.  She turns round.  Oh, it’s Violet.  Jessica seems remarkably docile in her company.  Violet steers her towards the back of the room and waits with her until a medical orderly arrives.  I wonder who is looking after Ed while this is going on.  After a suitable interval, Greenwood continues.

            ‘Your Honours, I call, er, the witness known as Moon-Flower.’ He pronounces the name as two separate words.  Moon.  Flower. 

            Moonflower appears in court much as she had done at the Assembly two years before.  She is still barefoot.  She had an intricate array of patterns painted with henna on her hands and arms.  She spends a great deal of time outdoors, so I  am told,  and the dye complements the tones of her tanned skin very well.  She floats airily across the floor, her voile billowing behind her, into the witness box.

The usher picks up the Bible but falters after just one step towards her.  There is something about Moonflower’s appearance which suggests strongly that she is not an adherent of any orthodox religious faith.  A hurried conversation begins between the judges, Greenwood, the clerk and the  ushers.  One of the ushers begins rummaging in a small bookcase in the corner of the room.  It has various books in it which were selected before the proceedings to represent as much of the canon of human belief as could conveniently be fitted into a small space.  It looks like something from a hospital waiting room.  The usher returns with a faintly hopeful expression on his face.  In his hand he holds a rather battered paperback which turns out to be a copy of the I-Ching.  He offers it to Moonflower.

            ‘What’s this?’ she asks.  She sounds as if she is enquiring about a dish in a Mongolian restaurant.

            ‘You have to swear an oath to tell the truth.’

            ‘I know that, but why are you giving me this book?’

            ‘It is customary to swear the oath on a book.’

            ‘What is that?’

            ‘It’s the I-Ching.’

            ‘What’s that?  I think I may have heard of it somewhere.’  Judge Gonzales interrupts.

            ‘Miss Moonflower – ’

            ‘My name is just Moonflower, Judge.’

            ‘Sorry.  Moonflower, are you telling me that you have never read the book that the usher has just now offered to you?’

            ‘That’s right.  I don’t read all that much, to be honest.’

            ‘Is there a book upon which you are prepared to swear the oath?’

            ‘What sort of book does it have to be?’

            ‘It has to be one the contents of which you are broadly familiar with, in the truth of which you have a strong conviction, and whose principles you believe should be upheld, to the point where you honestly believe that you regard it as a source of guidance in your own life,’ intones Judge Gonzales.  Moonflower’s face lights up with delight.

            ‘Let’s use this!’ She takes something from an emerald-green, bejewelled silk handbag.

            ‘What is that?  Please show it to me,’ asks Gonzales.

            By squinting hard, I can just about catch the title of the book.  I gather that Kelvin does as well.  Kelvin takes out his handkerchief and pretends to blow his nose.  Out of the corner of my eye, I think I can see him stuff the handkerchief into his mouth.   Greenwood looks up and seems to wonder if Heaven can still look down upon him in this accursed place.  Another hasty conversation takes place, and then Moonflower solemnly swears to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth on a copy of Catcher In The Rye by J. D. Salinger.

            ‘You spoke at an assembly some months ago, I believe.’

            ‘Yes, that’s right.’

            ‘What was the subject on which you spoke?’

            ‘We were trying to decide what to do about the people who had invaded our planet.’

            ‘And what was your contribution to that discussion?’

            ‘I was saying how I thought that we ought to be able to reach a compromise with them.’

            ‘I see.  And what happened?’

            ‘People disagreed with me.’  Moonflower smiles.  ‘Well, you wouldn’t expect to agree, would you?’

            ‘What do you mean?’

            ‘Well, it was just silly.  I must have been out of my mind to have thought that.’  Greenwood has a tell.  Every time something happens that he doesn’t like, he grips the tabletop on his right side.  He has a tendency to roll his eyes as well, but he can control that.  The table-gripping thing he doesn’t attempt to control.  

            ‘But you did give a speech in which you said that your side should enter into dialogue with the people who had recently landed.’

            ‘Yes, but I now realise how impossible that would have been.  How can you have a dialogue with some-one who begins by firing a missile into a crowded building?  You might as well talk to a rabid dog.’  Greenwood grips the table and seems defeated.

            ‘No further questions, your Honours.’ 

            Now he is asking for a recess.  So far, this is going better than I expected.  

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The Companion: Part 41: WARNING - GRAPHIC VIOLENCE

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WARNING - GRAPHIC VIOLENCE WHICH SOME READERS MAY FIND DISTURBING.

I’m crying in the toilet cubicle.  I’m not making a noise, but tears are streaming down my face.  I put a bit of make-up on this morning, which I have had to take off, to avoid having panda-eyes when I go into the cabinet-meeting.  I have just seen something that I wish I had not.

            Some months ago, I was on a business trip to I-2, and I released Rosalind.  I was too busy to look after her, and I thought it was time she was given the chance to reproduce.  We already have plenty of rabbits on I-11, and I thought the climate on I-2 would suit her better.  I did something which I now think was very stupid.  I wirelessly programmed the sensory transducers that I had implanted in her so that they would only register in my internal eyes and ears if the signal was above a certain intensity – if she was in big trouble, in other words.

            When the data stream from Rosalind’s eyes cuts in, it is bewildering at first.  She has all-round vision, from the sky almost to the ground underneath her.  Her vision of colour is poor, but she can tell the difference between blue and green.  She had been lifted off the floor by a man wearing a black uniform (evidently a member of one of the invader’s foot patrols, from the garrison left on I-2).  One of her back legs had been caught in a snare.  I could hear his breathing.  That was the only sound I could hear.  Rosalind herself was silent.  The last thing I saw before the signal cut out was the invader’s wrists and hands, which were briefly rendered visible as Rosalind’s eyes popped out of their orbits.  He had squeezed her to death.

            I have a digital image of his face.  When I find him, I am going to do the same to him, only it will last longer, and before his eyeballs pop out, other parts of his body will already have done so. 

            I must think about the war.  I must stop crying and think about the war.  I must stop crying and think about how to prevent this from happening to other animals, or to more people. 

            I think I am just about to make the same mistake again.  I have just realised that the main vessel in the enemy convoy is one of the ships that was originally part of The Irish Rover, which was liberally sprinkled with my surveillance devices.  The signal should be easy to pick up, because I had them all connected to the ship’s own network, to boost the signals.  I have looked at the array, and I can see one set of mikes from the ship in question which is showing some amplitude.  The cams in the same room are not showing anything, indicating either a malfunction or (more probably) that the cabin is in darkness.  This is what I can hear.

            ‘Jessica.  Jessica.  Are you awake?  Jessica?’

            ‘Huh?’

            ‘Are you awake?’

            ‘I don’t know.  Are they coming back?’

            ‘No, they have left us alone.’

            ‘When are they coming back?’

            ‘I don’t know.  Try not to think about it.’

            ‘Are they going to kill us?’

            ‘I don’t know, but we aren’t dead yet.’

            ‘I wish I was dead.’

            ‘Jessica, you’ve got to be strong.  We are going to get through this.’

            ‘Get into the real world, Sam.  We’re prisoners, and when they have finished raping us, they are going to shoot us or chuck us over the side.  Oh, god – I feel seasick again.  We haven’t even got a bucket to throw up in.  I can’t take any more of this.’

            ‘Jess, don’t cry.  Don’t cry.  Come here, babe.’

            ‘What’s going to happen to us?  What are they going to do to us?’

            ‘I don’t know, Jess.  Probably more of the same, but we are still alive.  We are going to get through this.’

            ‘No, we’re not.’

            ‘Yes, we are.  We are.  I know we are.’

            ‘You’re a fool.  You don’t know what you are talking about.’

            ‘I may be a fool, but I do know that we are going to get through this, somehow.’

            ‘What do you think about when they are doing it to you?’

            ‘I don’t want to talk about that.’

            ‘Tell me.’

            ‘Why?’

            ‘It might help me.  I just can’t take it at all.  It is worse than torture, worse than death.  I wish they would just kill me instead. You seem to be able to cope with this ordeal.  I don’t know how you do it.’

            ‘I’m a survivor.’

            ‘But what do you think about?’

            ‘I think you remind me of Mr Richardson.’

            ‘Who the hell is Mr Richardson?’

            ‘He was a really dweebie, pathetic saddo teacher at my school who wore a tank top and a bow tie and had really bad BO and got done for forcing himself on the first year girls in the audio-visual stockroom.’  

            ‘Yes, there was a teacher like that at my school, but I never heard he did anything like that.’

            ‘I bet he did.’

            ‘Where’s Cheryl?’

            ‘She’s in the corner.  Don’t touch her.

            ‘Why not?  Is she all right?’

            ‘Leave her alone.’

            ‘Why?  What’s wrong with her.’

            ‘They killed her.’

            ‘Let me just see if she’s – eeeuuuurrrgggghhhh! What’s she covered in?’

            ‘I told you not to touch her.’

            ‘She’s got something sticky all over her hair.’

            ‘It’s blood.’

            ‘Whose blood?’

            ‘Hers.’

            ‘What did they do to her?’

            ‘That psycho bloke said that she was racially inferior, because she was thick, and so they raped her, and then he told them to kill her.  They did it by holding her upside down, and slamming her face into the floor again and again, until she died.  They did it in front of her husband.  When she was dead, they covered her head with a sack, and carried on raping her in front of him.  And then they shot him.’

            ‘Why?’

            ‘Because they’re mad.’

            ‘I think I’m going mad.’

            ‘We are going to get through this, Jess.  We are.’  I stopped listening at that point, but I redirected the feed to the archive.

            I composed myself, and decided to join the meeting without receiving the summons from Kelvin, and went into the cabinet room.  I still have not got used to him in uniform.  He looks like he has stepped out of a black and white film: beret with badge, khaki shirt, khaki tie, battledress, khaki trousers, gaiters, boots.  Lance Naik Chandra polishes his boots for him, and you can literally see your face in them (though you would have to get down on your knees to do this if he was wearing them).   I asked Kelvin recently if he expects me to wear a uniform, which, as soon as I had uttered the words, sounded like a strange question.  The word “uniform” in our house has not usually meant a military uniform.  Kelvin said that my role was concerned with deception and concealment, and so I could wear whatever I thought was appropriate.  I have just carried on wearing my normal clothes.  Recently, I seem to be affecting a 1940s style in hair and dress.  Maybe next I will learn to do the jitterbug.

            The other people around the cabinet table were Captain McCann, James Holt, Professor Gonzales, Kerr McLean, Prude,  and Doctor Condon-Douglas.  Also in the room was a side-table with a computer workstation on it.  I knew I would be needing this. 

            Kelvin assumed that everybody knew who I was and did not seem surprised to see me nor annoyed that I had barged into his meeting.  He did not introduce me: he just let me get straight on with my report.

            ‘I’m sorry to interrupt, but there is something that I need to tell you about straight away.  I  believe that the enemy has been for some time preparing and loading a convoy of vessels in a port on I-13.  They set sail several hours ago.  I don’t know where they intend to go, but I am told that I-3 is the likeliest destination.  Further satellite images will easily confirm or deny this.  They will probably have left another garrison on I-13.

            ‘If you will permit me to log on via this workstation, I will use the monitor to display what the satellites are currently tracking.’ 

            I must admit that I felt excited.  I had promised them nothing, apart from an outline I had sketched to Kelvin.  Kelvin knew better than to give anything of what I had told him away to the cabinet before my demonstration. 

            I sat down at the computer, and the government of Achird-gamma stood up and crowded round my back.  Kelvin was standing directly behind me, to get the best view of the screen. 

            ‘What you are now seeing is an image, in real time, of the enemy convoy.  As you can see, it has indeed set sail.’  I opened another window on the screen, and in this one I zoomed out, got the port they had set off from and the convoy in the same image, and measured the distance between them.  ‘They are just over 28 miles from their starting point.  If they continue to stay in convoy, and to go at the speed of the slowest vessel, they will continue to travel at just over 6 miles per hour, and they have to travel 2500 miles, which will take about 17 days. 

            ‘They are already traversing the deep ocean.  I-13 is an oceanic island, which means that the beaches slope down to the ocean floor quite rapidly.  The average depth of the ocean here is very similar to Earth: about 5000 metres.’  I was interrupted. 

            ‘Why are you telling me this?’ asked Kerr McLean.

            ‘I must admit, I was beginning to wonder that as well,’ said Prude.

            ‘The mission I was charged with was to deprive the enemy of as much material as possible by non-military means.  I think I can destroy four of his tanks and one of his helicopters, plus an unknown quantity of other material, at no cost whatsoever.’

            ‘How?’ asked several people, of whom Kerr McLean was the loudest. 

            ‘And when?’ asked Kelvin, trying hard to sound as if he did not know what to expect.

            ‘I considered Major Downing’s mission.  I do not wish to diminish in any way the effort and bravery that he and his men put into that operation, but it struck me that there must be an easier way.

            ‘I looked at what information I had about the ports on I-2 and I-13, and I discovered one important fact which appeared to have been overlooked.  On I-2, the vessel on which the colonists first arrived onshore (the one which had come from  the Irish Rover) had been broken up for scrap.  On I-13, the vessel was still intact.’

            ‘Why is that important?’ asked Timothy Gonzales. 

            ‘That is what I hope to demonstrate.  The convoy contains two kinds of vessel: wooden boats, which are primitive vessels with no computer controls, and the ship which is ex-Irish Rover.  This ship is designed to be capable of sailing unmanned.  In other words, I believe I can hack into its systems and take control of it.’

            I was typing while I was talking.  I brought up the control panel, and told the onboard computer that there were no crew and no passengers.  I also told it that it was stationary, in port.  I intercepted all the streams from the ship’s transducers, and set them to constant values.  By that point, the ship was mine. 

            With some compunction for Jessica, Samantha, and the other prisoners, I then issued the signal to open the ship’s cargo doors, which was duly executed.  The ship, which was heavily loaded, sank within a matter of minutes.  The convoy stopped moving for a while, presumably to pick up survivors.  

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The Companion: Part 25 - Christmas Special

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Kelvin has started trying to hand out tickets for the pantomime to my girls.  Layla just threw it back in his face.  Kyla, who is a child of the digital age, said she wouldn’t understand it, and so he would be better giving it to some-one else.  The rest just smiled, said, “Aaah,” and threw the ticket in the bin after he had wiped his cock and gone away. 

*

My name is Emile Bourdelle. Most of the rehearsals I have directed so far have a been a disaster – a disaster.  I decided to go along with this English custom because I thought it would be the best way to begin to instil high culture in this colony.  I want theatre to live and breathe among all the people, and not be merely something for the chattering classes, as it was in England.  Start them on something simple, something native to their savage and bestial customs, something they can understand, I thought.  The dramatic equivalent of baby food. 

            Well the infant has proved to have quite a fussy appetite, and had to be force-fed, so to speak, at various times.  With the application of strength and courage, I think we have made a great deal of progress recently.  The company has started to come together.  It is like the point when a sauce Béarnaise thickens and becomes unctuous.  Previously, even when they were acting and singing properly, they were each doing it separately.  Now, they have become a cohesive unit.  I pray that the production will be a success.  If it were not, I would never attempt another one.  If it were to fail, there would be no more theatre and so, if there were no more theatre, there could be no more Emile Bourdelle: I would blow my brains out.  My fate rests on this production.  I have told the company this repeatedly.  I think they understand it now.  Theatre is about many things, but the most important thing in it is love.  If there is no love in theatre, it is a meaningless charade: it is nothing.  I think the members of the company have grown to love me, in the end.  Perhaps we will find out on the opening night.

*

I think I have finally got the hang of this acting lark.  Just call me Prince Charming, or Your Royal Highness, if you prefer.  The art of it seems to be to camp it up as much as possible, just like our “influential and cutting-edge” director.  Behave like a twat, in other words.  Wearing a lot of make-up helps, as does being in the initial stages of sexual arousal and, I must admit, with me, the two states tend to coincide.  Having a leading role in a production is the best excuse in the history of cross-dressing.  I can now even answer the door to my cabin without having to take my face off.  If I am looking too girly, all I have to do is cover myself in cold cream, and everybody just thinks I am doing something to do with the pantomime.  I might go the whole hog and audition for a female part next year.  I wonder if having a reason other than sexual gratification for wearing women’s clothes would destroy its allure. 

            Jessica is being a pain, again.  She is very pretty, but I would never fall in love with her.  I don’t ever have a crush on her.  I can’t even have a proper conversation with her.  All she does is open her mouth, and bring forth a torrent of meaningless twaddle about all the people she knows, which seems to include half the people on board (though I notice that members of the crew are conspicuously under-represented).  Every time I say something, she just says, “Reelly?” I thought she was trying wind me up at first, but it seems to be genuine: she doesn’t know anything.  At all.

            I told her that I would have sex with her if she wanted, and it would be physically passionate, but there was no way that I would ever fall in love with her.  She did not thank me for my honesty.  In fact, she slapped me in the face – quite hard, as a matter of fact – and  started having hysterics.  When she cries, it is just an act, just like everything else she does, but I must say she does it quite convincingly.  On that occasion, she really gave it everything she had.  It was all very stressful and unpleasant.  Emile went mad with me as well (we were on the set, having a break at the time).  He demanded to know in the name of god what I had done to her.  ‘What do you mean, done to her?’ I asked him.  He made it sound as if I had been trying to feel her fanny, or something.  I was in theatrical camp mode, my guard was down, and I was hurt.  Darlings, I can’t tell you how simply ghastly and awful it was.  It quite ruined my intonation in the next scene. 

            Things with Prudence have been a bit strained as well.  She eventually landed the part of the Fairy Godmother.  She turned out to have a bit of amateur dramatic experience, which carried a lot of weight with Emile.  We got there in the end.  With the production, I mean. 

            The fun part was writing the programme notes.  I did them in the style of one of my nonsense news stories from The Rover.

*

The new name for my e-zine – the replacement for My Lips Are Sealed – is Cosmography.  It’s scientific.  I think it’s something to do with star-maps, but that doesn’t matter.  I like it because it is more difficult to take the piss out of than the last one.  I like it even more because people will shorten it to Cosmo, which is really cool.  And the last bit sounds like pornography, which is no bad thing. 

            The hit-rate has been rather disappointing recently.  I am determined to get some copy out of this pantomime.  I will get a juicy story out of it somehow.   Just you watch. 

*

My name’s Augustus Blandshott.  I think –  not certain, but think, am the oldest person on board this vessel.  Seventy-seven.  Egyptologist by training, and printer by trade.  When say “printer”,  mean in the old-fashioned, twentieth-century sense of the word.  Just like the way the word “computer” came to mean a machine but used to mean a person, so the word printer did as well.  Expert on the printing techniques of the early 1900s.  Presses are in one of the ship’s workshops, and am kept quite busy, most of the time.  When we establish the new colony, am hoping to produce own newspaper.  Don’t try to compete with the intranet at the moment, not with everybody having a monitor in their cabin, but think the new colony will need the printed word, and all the more so when it starts to grow. 

            Biggest job recently has been the programmes for the production of Cinderella they are putting on.  Theatre company is called The Roving Players, and they are directed by a chap called Emile Bourdelle.  Think he’s French.  Anyway, he is very temperamental.  Can be a bit difficult to deal with, sometimes, if you get me.  Smells of garlic, all the time – reeks of the stuff, specially when he shouts at you.  Most unpleasant. 

            Think I’ve got one of the programmes here, if you give me half a mo’.  Hang on.  Yes, here the blighter is.  First page is the only sensible part.  Because nobody except the director-wallah had any previous experience of acting or the theatre, all those bits about what productions people had been in before had to be made up.  Damn’ silly if you ask me.  No idea who wrote it.  Anyway, managed to sell a bit of advertising space in the back.  Made quite a packet.  Love the money on this ship.  So quaint and old-fashioned.  Like real money.  You could scratch dirt off a window with it.

*

The Roving Players

present

CINDERELLA

A Pantomime in Two Acts

 

Director and Producer………………………………………………….….Monsieur Emile Bourdelle

Cinderella……………………………………………………………………….Miss Jessica Springer

Prince Charming……………………………………………………………….…Doctor Kelvin Stark

The Fairy Godmother…………………………………………….…………Doctor Prudence Tadlow

Buttons…………………………………………………………………….…Master Waverley Diggle

The Wicked Stepmother…………………………………..Mister George “aka Georgina” Davenport

The Ugly Sisters……………………...Lance Corporal Jason Bentley, Master Laurence Featherstone

Coachmen, Footmen, Horses, Guests…………………………. Ladies and Gentlemen of the Chorus

 

            The Producer wishes to acknowledge the gracious assistance and support of Chief Engineer Mister James Holt, and members of his crew. 

            Costumes were provided by Pamela Collins Couture Limited.

 

            MONSIEUR EMILE BOURDELLE lists Creator of the Universe among his other accomplishments.  Be polite and courteous in your dealings with him because, when we arrive on our new planet, he will be controlling the weather.  Young ladies who might otherwise feel compelled to fall in love with this undoubtedly handsome man should bear in mind that, not only does he bat for the other side, but he keeps wicket, bowls for it and captains it as well – quite regularly and with great vigour, we are led to understand. 

            MISS JESSICA SPRINGER, though we hate to spoil the story for you, ends up as a princess in this production.  Princesses are usually a safe bet in a fairy tale, and it is rumoured that Miss Springer is one of the safest bets in town. 

            DOCTOR KELVIN STARK is fortunate to appear in our company, having recently recovered from joint attacks of rabies, malaria, and bubonic plague.  We had hoped to carry a long interview with this eminent academic, but he frothed at the mouth so copiously that we could not catch what he was saying.  He tried to communicate instead through the interesting medium of scrotal origami but, alas, again, we could not understand him.   It seemed to be just a load of bollocks.

            DOCTOR PRUDENCE TADLOW, when not pursuing her acting career, is a hydro-geologist.  When we asked her to explain what this entails, she said that she sniffs around a lot of holes to see if any of them are wet. 

            MASTER WAVERLEY DIGGLE is named after a railway station because that was where he was conceived.  He has earned many dramatic accolades, most especially for his inspiring interpretation of the part of Moth in A Midsummer Night’s Dream.  His is believed to be the first performance in which the character is on stage, soliloquising continuously, for nine hours. 

            MISTER GEORGE DAVENPORT is a lifelong bachelor with a particular fondness for musical theatre.  If your laundry is feeling depressed, he can always be counted on to lift your shirt.  His skin is particularly sensitive, and so he picnics in the shade.  He has travelled extensively in Southern Europe, and is a friend of the Greeks. 

            LANCE CORPORAL JASON BENTLEY is a poof.

            MASTER LAURENCE FEATHERSTONE isn’t made with real feathers or real stone.  He is 100 per cent man-made.  Wash at 30 centigrade.  Do not tumble dry.  Re-shape while still damp. 

*

                                                              SINDERS-GATE

Kelvin Stark caught

with his pants down –

literally.

We thought it would be a normal, family occasion.  Granted, we are on a spaceship.  Granted, we are heading through the cold void of the galaxy at something approaching the speed of light.   Granted, some of our vital systems failed on the opening night of Cinderella.  Granted, this caused mass panic among the ship’s passengers. 

            But none of this prepared us for what we saw.  Disgusting.

*

I will tell you exactly what happened.  Jessica and I were on stage.  It was during one of the lovey-dovey scenes, and I was looking into her eyes.  It was nice.  As a matter of fact, it was really nice.  I had my arms around her, and she was looking up at me, and it seemed, in that theatrical moment, as if we meant it.  That might sound stupid, or unprofessional, but I am telling you how it was.  There was this gorgeous blonde woman, and there I was, and I was being paid to make love to her for the benefit of the audience.  And the audience seemed to love it.  They had clapped in all the right places.  They had laughed in all the right places.  It was like performing to a crowd of nine year-olds, which is exactly what Emile had had in mind. 

            And then it happened.  The lights went out.  The gravity went off.  I have no idea why.  

            I had my arms around Jessica at the time (purely through acting out my part, you understand). 

            We felt alone.  Let me explain why.

            During the performance (this was the first night) the audience had been quite noisy.  We attributed it to their not having been used to going to the theatre for some time (or at all).  I am not saying that they were disruptive, but they just did not seem to settle, even when there was plenty of action on stage. 

            As soon as the power-cut happened, everything went quiet.  It went quiet and weird at the same time.  The weirdness was because of the zero-gravity.  Most of the passengers had never experienced zero-gravity, other than for a brief period during their induction, of which they had no memory. 

            At first, there was silence.  Absolute silence.  The silence itself was the cause of the panic.  We were alone, in the depths of space.  We had no sun.  We had no planet.  We were entirely reliant on technology, and technology had clearly failed us, at least partially.

            I thought for a little while, and I realised that the situation was not very serious.   It might have been inconvenient, but it was not life-threatening. 

            Even though we had started to float around like balloons, we were otherwise unscathed.  If the longitudinal compensators had failed, we would not have known what was happening, because we would have been crushed to pulp within a fraction of a second. 

            Neither did we stop breathing.  Neither did we freeze.  All that happened was that the lights went out (all over the ship, as far as I could tell), and the “terrestrial emulation” gravity failed. 

            I started to float, and I had Jessica Springer in my arms.  She was panicking.  While she panicked, I buried my face in her abundant blonde hair. 

            ‘Oh, god.  What is happening?’

            ‘Some kind of system failure.’

            ‘Are we going to die?  Is this is?

            ‘No.’

            ‘No?’

            ‘No.’

            ‘How do you know?’

            ‘I just know.’

            ‘I’m so scared.’

            ‘I know you are.  I’m here.’

            ‘Hold me.’

            ‘I’m holding you.  I am here.  I am here.’

            ‘Is this really it?’

            ‘Is this what?’

            ‘The end?’

            ‘No, I don’t think so.’

            ‘You don’t think so.’

            ‘No, I don’t think so.’

            ‘That doesn’t sound very reassuring.’

            ‘All right.  Jessica, listen to me.  The lights will come back on.  The gravity will be restored.  Everything will be all right.’

            ‘Really?’

            ‘Yes.’

            ‘I think we are going to die.’

            ‘Is that what you want?’

            ‘No!’

            ‘Well why talk about it then?  Can’t we just do whatever is best until the systems are restored?’

            ‘What’s that?’

            ‘Well, are you worried and distressed?’

            ‘YES!’

            ‘Well, I could cuddle you.  I’m not nervous.  I am sure everything will be all right.’

            ‘Mm.  Yes.  Cuddle me and say more things like that.’

            ‘I can’t guarantee anything.’

            ‘Do you mean that we might be going to die?’

            ‘No. I don’t mean that.  I just mean that I don’t know how this is going to end.’

            ‘End?’

            ‘Turn out.’

            ‘Oh, Kelvin.’

            ‘Jessica.’

            ‘Do you know that is the first time you have said my name?’

            ‘I am sure it isn’t.’

            ‘Yes, it is.  Since we are going to die…’

            ‘Which we aren’t…’

            ‘Will you get closer to me?’

            ‘Mm.’

            ‘Closer.  Closer.  Much closer.’

            ‘Mm.’

            ‘Closer.  Closer.  Yes.  Yes.  Inside. Do it. Do it now. ’

            I can honestly say that it was not easy at first to fuck a woman to whom I had previously not been particularly attracted in zero gravity and total darkness.  The task was also not made any easier by our costumes, particularly hers, which was voluminous, multi-layered and wired.  

            But fuck her I attempted to do, as best I could.  I wrestled with the costume.  Pamela Collins would have been appalled.  I ripped it open.  I got to her cunt.  I grabbed hold of her with both hands, and worked my cock into her.  We were in mid-air, but we were fucking.  We bumped into a beam. I caught hold of it.  I held her between my arms and held onto the beam with my hands.  This felt more like normal fucking.  We had both just come when, at that very moment,  the systems were restored.  

            We both ended up on the floor.  We didn’t fall, exactly, but we were dragged there as the gravity-generator kicked back in.  Anyway, the upshot was that I was still inside her, and the assembled multitude could see my arse, and everybody knew exactly what we had been doing.  It was (from a kinematic point of view) a graceful descent into notoriety.  

Permalink 2 comments (latest comment by Zee Larwood, Wednesday, 5 Jan 2011, 21:49)
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The Companion: Part 19

Visible to anyone in the world

My name is Cinderella.  Not really.  My real name is Jessica Springer.  I passed the audition to be in the pantomime we are putting on.  The director wants it to be ready in time for Christmas, and so we are rehearsing every day – it really is a full-time occupation, which is great, because I have been going out of my mind recently.  We are only being paid a tiny salary at the moment, but some of the cast have been given shares in any profit we make, and I got the most shares because I have the biggest part.  We are hoping it is going to run and run until every-one on the ship has seen it.  The writers are even working on some variations in the dialogue and the songs to try to encourage people to come more than once.  I really hope it will be a smash. It would be wonderful to make some money.  I hope to produce my own plays, some day.  

            What you are all dying to know, of course, is who is playing Prince Charming.  Do you even have to ask?  They didn’t even bother with an audition.  The director just asked Kelvin if he wanted to do it.  I say “asked”.  When Emile Bourdelle “asks” some-one to do something, he makes it jolly difficult to say no.  If the truth be told, most of the cast are scared to death of him, but he is a joy to work with.  We are really making progress and I am sure we will be ready in time for the opening night.  I don’t know whether Kelvin wanted the part or not, but Emile was single-minded about it, as usual.  He said he could not fill the theatre if Kelvin was not in the production and, if Kelvin were in the production, there was no  point in his taking a minor part because people would be looking for him on stage all the time.  Somebody tried to ask whether Kelvin had any previous acting experience (which I don’t think he does) but Emile threw something at her.  He is quite hot-blooded sometimes.  You must excuse his artistic sensibilities.

            The venue is not a proper theatre.  It is a lecture-room which had been made bigger by taking out the wall where the whiteboard used to be.  It seats four hundred people, and so it is quite cosy and intimate.  There is a projector we can use for some of the special effects.  The other facilities are a bit basic, but we are all used to working there now and the company has a good team spirit.  

            To begin with, I was a bit disappointed with Kelvin’s acting.  His heart did not seem to be in it, particularly the romantic scenes.  I was not the only one who was worried.  You could see that Emile was not happy, and some of the other members of the cast.  I think Emile took Kelvin on one side and gave him a little talk, including some tips on how to think about his motivation, and his diction, and that sort of thing. It was a transformation: he has been much better ever since, and what is encouraging is that he improves with every day of rehearsal.  

            I must admit that, once I realised he was getting more into his stride, I asked him to stay behind a few times when every-one else had gone back to their rooms.  I told him that I wanted to go over some of the more difficult scenes.  I hope that doesn’t sound too obvious and contrived.  If you think that some of the scenes I had in mind were the ones which included a kiss, you would be right.  I gave him a story that kissing some-one when you are not in love with the person is artificial, but I did not want the performance to look artificial: I wanted it to look natural, and so we needed to practice.  Kelvin heaved a sigh of wearied resignation that almost made me want to slap his face, but I will admit that he went to the task with spirit.  He made my head spin a few times, I can tell you.  

            That awful woman who doesn’t speak much and has mousy hair is making most of the costumes, and I must admit she is very efficient.  Kerr McLean is providing the trades-people who build the stage and the scenery and do the lights and everything.  He never visits the set, thank god.  For a man who is supposed to be rolling in money, he smells funny, his clothes are simply a disaster – he looks like a homeless person – and you can’t understand a word he is saying.  

*

Several people told me I was a bloody fool for getting involved in this pantomime business, but Emile Bourdelle was very persuasive, and told me that people would be expecting me to do it.  It was very difficult at first.  The woman who is playing Cinderella is a shallow and gushing air-head of the kind who thinks that having tresses of spun gold tumbling about her shoulders entitles her to a privileged position.  Personally, I would have preferred a more down-to-earth actress for the part who could, in case of necessity, just wear a wig.  

            I don’t wish to sound like an egotistical fantasist, but that woman has a crush on me.  She told me she wanted to “go over” some of the scenes.  I said fine.  She then procrastinated by pretending to be re-doing her precious hair for the tenth time until every-one else had gone home.  The leader of the lighting team was asking me if he could switch everything off, but I had to tell him to leave some of it on, and show me where the master switch was.  Lo and behold, the scenes she wanted to rehearse were the ones with kissing in them.  She gave me some story about how she wanted everything to look “natural”, but I could not make out the difference between “natural” and over-rehearsed.  After a while, I just thought, “To hell with acting – let’s just snog each other’s faces off.”  She seemed quite appreciative.  It was like pleasure and work at the same time.  I must admit that the kissing was fairly pleasurable, but I did have to concentrate on not getting carried away.  She has had me doing this three or four times now.  It is almost getting boring.  

            Don’t ask me why, and, again, I don’t want to sound as if I am going soft in the head, but during a few of these after-hours sessions I have had a strange feeling that we were being watched.  

*

I did briefly consider murdering Jessica Springer, and changing my appearance to pose as her, but I have definitely abandoned the idea.  The two things that have saved her are the difficulty of accounting for Pamela’s disappearance, and Jessica’s vacuous personality. Any fool can see that Kelvin has no feelings for her, and never will.  He has gone along with her childish schemes partly because he feels flattered, and also for the sake of a quiet life.  

            I did get angry when I saw them slobbering over each other.  I was angry with her for the ridiculous charade she was acting out.  Why she could not just come out and tell him she fancied him, I don’t know.  I was angry with him for being too enthusiastic.  You can tell after a while that he is itching to start fondling her tits and who knows where else.  There is no way they are going to be able to kiss like that during the production: there just won’t be time.  People will have got bored and gone home before they have finished.  

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