Dat Lucrezia Borgia. What an awful poison.
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Today I am reading on the front of Times 2 that I should go feral.
As all guys and dolls know the Times is greatly respected from all quarters whatsoever, so naturally I am following this tip.
But
regrettably the word about this is all over Broadway in hardly any
time, and it transpires Al is not pleased about being gone for, and
whilst I am doing nothing but quietly munching a chop down at Mindy's,
who should come in but two gorillas who demand not a little aggressively
what I mean by going for Al.
I explain that I just mean I
will vote for him anytime soon and the gorillas back off, and leave in a
very handsome manner, I must say.
Just while I am getting
properly back to the chop, in comes in another pair of guys, who are all
steamed up that I am a supporter of Al. Again I have to explain that I
have been misunderstood and in fact Al will never be top of my
popularity list but a person I will attack on account of the fact I hate
and despise him.
So eventually these also depart, although
one of them scowls somewhat, but I am left to finish the chop, although of course
it is cold by now.
As I am explaining later to Little Pete, all this interruption is not a little anxiety provoking and can lead to dyspepsia, especially when the gorillas are somewhat large and morose also, and do not seem well educated; and it does not seem as though a wise person in this town should read misleading newspapers.
Moral:
Honesty is one thing. Policy's another.
With tribute to Damion Runyon.
Times 2, 30 August 2016
I've lived my whole life next to a meadow and I expect I'll die there too. He who lives by the sward shall die by the sward.
I love spontaneous tongue twisters. Tonight someone said
"The blue bin men haven't been."
My bungalow designs are never perfect. Sadly they always have a floor in them.
Some drunken peasants swore they'd sell me a vineyard. I saw at once it was a windup.
How many jokes do I make about hot weather? A few to start with.
People don't take to the streets over just a couple of grievances. Two wrongs don't make a riot.
It was like the first taste of pineapple.
I felt I was being stitched up. I went through a really bad patch.
Did you know most coal is around 300 million years old? There's no fuel like an old fuel.
I dressed myself up specially for you.
But neither of us existed.
A pupil asked "Why do you teach?"
"Because I have no other way to understand."
One of my astronomy students was the best in her year. Star pupil.
A few drops fell.
Storm warning!
(I was astonished to find that in an electric field the hairs on my exposed forearms did actually stand up.)
We hope you enjoy this garden (Heretounder referred to as 'The Garden'). Its mode of utilisation should be self-explanatory.
Update # 1
Owing to an unforeseeable mis-creation glitch we strongly non-advocate the ingestion of particular globular pomacious fruit-types that may be conducive to somatic embarrassment and conclude in potentially sub-optimal long-term heritage outcomes.
Update # 2 and Security Alert # 1
It has been brought to our (omnipresent) attention that a formerly senior advisor we were forced to demote from his former position following a management reshuffle has resorted to exploiting his recently established down-hierarchy status to promulgate misleading contrary guidance respecting the fruit referred to hereabove in Update # 1.
Garden residents should be advised that this advice is unsanctioned. It may invalidate The Garden warrant and lead to summary eviction from The Garden. Transgressors will be deemed to be in violation of the terms of tenancy and therefore lack any substantive grounds of complaint or redress, legal or otherwise.
The Garden Team wish all Residents a Happy Stay.
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Based on a conversation I heard tonight, initiated by a comment on the song 'I do like to be beside the seaside'.
The speaker said "It's a bouncy air".
The 1st listener heard it as: It's about sea air."
The 2rd listener heard it as: "It abounds, sea air."
The 3rd listener (an Apple geek) heard it as: "It's about Sierra."
The 4th listener (from near the Caspian) heard it as: "It's a bound sea area."
The 5th listener (a Biblical scholar) heard its as: "It's about Ceasarea."
The 6th listener (a Scouter) heard it as: "It's a Brownsea area"
The 7th listener (whose first language was French) interpreted it as "Concerning clean air."
The 8th listener (a Bach lover) said "The original key was G".
The 9th listener took it to mean the Med.
(Number 10th was away. Listening to the brass band.)
Dear fly,
To leave me alone
Would be a good deed.
"Wake up and pay attention"
The teacher said.
(Not aware of my
Alternative planet.)
Mother and father,
Your voices are faint
I think I am lost to you.
If you have, like... a poor calculus teacher. Then that's gonna trigger a maths exodus.
Q. In what way are bees honest?
A. They put their honey where their house is.
We gave this seven point hive.
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