When a Troll is on roll, he likes to stroll out late.
Unlike a Gnome, who hates to roam, and gets back home by eight.
Personal Blogs
The Troll and the Gnome, a Poem
Wednesday, 9 Jan 2019, 02:55
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One Liner
Tuesday, 8 Jan 2019, 22:27
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Edited by Richard Walker, Tuesday, 8 Jan 2019, 22:30
It's 2019 already. In less than a year my eyesight will improve. It’ll be 2020.
Headline
Monday, 7 Jan 2019, 19:15
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Recently Cousin May gained a Master of Arts degree, as the result of her dissertation in the form of an installation: an elegant and beautiful, but at the same intricate, and fiendishly complex, maze.
The local paper carried the front-page headline:
M.A. MAY'S AMAZING MAZE AMAZES
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
Saturday, 5 Jan 2019, 01:11
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Don’t fence me in!
A Haiku Of Meeting
Saturday, 5 Jan 2019, 01:02
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Walking home last night
I heard everything you said.
Today I still love you.
Alla Lemmings
Friday, 4 Jan 2019, 21:55
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All the lemmings looked forward to the cliff top walk. Except Jack
He kinda just. Well you know. Held back.
Tom Swifty
Friday, 4 Jan 2019, 21:49
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"Oh no, not another chicken joke", said Tom crossly.
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
Thursday, 3 Jan 2019, 23:10
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Edited by Richard Walker, Thursday, 3 Jan 2019, 23:11
Someone had to check the mines.
I Ask You
Thursday, 3 Jan 2019, 22:56
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All these gangster movies. Full of violence. Why not some pacifist gangster movies for a change?
Heard Down The Pub
Wednesday, 2 Jan 2019, 00:35
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A. How'd your team do today?
B. Lost 6-0.
A. 6-0?
B. We were lucky to get nil.
Look Both Ways
Monday, 31 Dec 2018, 23:34
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One Liner
Monday, 31 Dec 2018, 22:16
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It's always been my ambition to play Hamlet, and I finally got to do it! Mind you, Hamlet won.
Where Could You Spot These Birds?
Saturday, 29 Dec 2018, 20:31
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Crow
Toucan
Eagle
Swan
Crane
Peacock
Dracosternutaphobia
Saturday, 29 Dec 2018, 00:03
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When a dragon sneezes
People get cold feet.
Honey, I’m In The Post
Friday, 28 Dec 2018, 22:02
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Edited by Richard Walker, Saturday, 29 Dec 2018, 00:10
One of my Christmas presents was a book about the eccentric W. Reginald Bray (1879 - 1939) whose hobby was testing the limits of the British postal system. Starting modestly at first, he was able to dispatch through the mail articles such as a crocheted postcard, some seaweed, and an Irish turnip sent with the address carved into it with a penknife (turnips were hard to write on).
After this he upped his act, and succeeded in posting his dog, and then himself, both without any wrapping.
According to the book cover, his perusal of the British Postal Regulations had show that it was permissible to send an animal as small as a bee, or as large as an elephant. Bray never explored these extremes. I doubt that an elephant is still possible but a bee is, as per
Live creatures, insects and invertebrates
(Including bees, caterpillars, cockroaches, crickets, destroyers of noxious pests, earthworms, fish fry and eggs, leeches and other parasites, lugworms, maggots, mealworms, pupae and chrysalides, rag worms, silkworms, spiders and stick insects.)
- UK & International - Allowed in the mail, see restrictions and packaging guidelines below:
- Live animals and reptiles are prohibited, as are any creatures or insects classified as dangerous within the Dangerous Wild Animals Act 1976 (including certain venomous spiders).
- Must be boxed and packaged to protect the creatures, our staff and our customers from harm.
- Use 1st Class as the minimum service.
- Items must be clearly marked "URGENT - LIVING CREATURES - HANDLE WITH CARE".
- The sender's name and address must be clearly visible on the outer packaging.
- Dead insects, sent as collectables, are allowed
The Kitten in Winter
Wednesday, 26 Dec 2018, 20:52
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A kitten is delicately
Shaking its paw, as if to say
What is this thing called snow?
Uncle Ebenezer
Wednesday, 26 Dec 2018, 12:44
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Uncle Ebenezer made no attempt to disguise his feelings about Christmas
Doctor, doctor
Tuesday, 25 Dec 2018, 16:53
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Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I’m a rubber band.
You're just seeking attention.
My Career
Tuesday, 25 Dec 2018, 00:38
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I had job as a human cannonball. But I got fired.
After that I had a job as a cobbler. But they gave me the boot.
Then I was a lumberjack. But I got the chop.
The bag making job seemed to go well at first. But then I got the sack.
I was a baggage handler for a short time. But I was soon sent packing.
Now I’m working in a sardine factory. I don't know how it will work out.
A Parisian Story
Sunday, 23 Dec 2018, 23:56
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In the 1950’s a famous restaurant in the Pigalle always served the salad without dressing. Often customers would beg for oil and vinegar. The proprietess was always firm. “Non,” she would reply, “non, je ne vinaigrette rien.”
Diagnosis
Friday, 21 Dec 2018, 21:16
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I've had a horrible infestation in my footwear. Turns out it's Shoe Fly.
Cracker Joke
Friday, 21 Dec 2018, 21:10
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Q. What would you call a bear with fleas?
A. Infested!
Fear of frying
Wednesday, 19 Dec 2018, 20:53
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Winter Haiku
Tuesday, 18 Dec 2018, 21:34
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Seeing Winter Jasmine
Who can doubt their existence?
At least for now.
Algebra For Chickens
Sunday, 16 Dec 2018, 23:29
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