Backwards and forwards and backwards again,
Feel like I am going round and round in circles,
Starlight glistening around the edges of despair,
Stomach a writhing mass of twisted hissing knots,
I feel alone, broken and utterly bereft.
Buddha I need your help,
I can't see a way through,
I am lost in the jungle,
Can't meditate, can't study, can't work, can't sleep, can't eat,
Not a feeling of metta in sight,
Just a feeling of hopelessness and doubt,
The spiritual path suddenly feels so empty,
And like asking the impossible, I just can't do it,
I don't know what is happening to me,
I want to be free of this .
I can't bare it anymore.
I am knocking at the door.
Is nibanna real? Why is it so hard to find?
I just long for some peace of mind.
To never feel like this again.
