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Malcolm Taylor

Mental health Awareness day 2018

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It's the last day of mental health Awareness week and it's focusing on stress... Oh boy. I know they want more people to know more about mental health in general but stress? I know everyone 'suffers' through stress, I'll explain why it's put like that later, let's put it through the eyes of someone who autistic. 

Stress to us is well... life. I could just sum it up like that but I'm going to explain mainly because when I talk to people they don't understand how I see things, but if i do anything general I'm going to focus from a higher functioning autism (& Asperger's) point of veiw. 

Every step I take I see countless dangers, it could be anything from me tripping to a meteor falling on me, most non-autistic brains will filter this. Then add on contacting people so talking or just walking past them, as I think a meteor is going to fall on me you don't have to guess much with might happen with that, still I will say, so to me the person could be harmless to they might spontaneously combust (blow up with no help needed).  When it come to talking to people I don’t know what people could say so I prepare phases to things either to buy me time or to give answer. Also like most people with autism I’m sensitive to the world around me, in my case light and sound. So I have to process all the sounds around me to keep a step ahead of what’s in front of me. I have to adjust my vision so I take in enough light to see but that’s it any more and I feel like my eyes are going to burn and too little and I can’t see. It’s handy at night time but I’m not an owl. On top of things I physical twitches so I have to hide that because if I twitch people have been known to either not help me or treatment like I’m a toddler. Also I also have verbal twitches/outbursts, which make things interesting... I sometimes can’t control somethings I say like “peek-a-boo” or “I’m a turtle”. This doesn’t make life easy but you get use to it. To add some general things in its between 23-28% of all autistics are epileptic and a further 25-36% have epileptic like issues but it’s not epilepsy. In this area all of them combine so that is 48-64% of all autistics will have a epileptic attacks (for the 25-36% it is usually their last) usually it will happen whilst being asleep.  Also when we have meltdowns or shutdowns all what I said times it by ten because most of us won’t even talk until we can handle what is happening. So the idea of handling stress for neurotypicals (non-autistic people) is laughable because before people usually think they have a lot going on or too much happening. For a day just try being us or look at how much you actually have going on. Most of autistics have all this and most likely more. This is partly why I  (and maybe others) have special items such as bowls and forks etc. Or why I have special places I vist or have specific spot I go or sit. If it moves the slightest bit I have to recalculate everything and adapt. 

This is why I phrased stress the way I did to a neurotypical, stress can be a hard thing and I can do other things like affect eating and sleep. To people who are autistic we have the same things but it affects us physically we have so much mental capacity we can starve are brain of anything needed or we can stop any of our senses. In theory with the capacity we have over our brains we can do anything in theory. For neurotypicals there are signs and symptoms for us there’s some signs and some symptoms but no one knows what happens in our heads. Stress is the most certain uncertainty most autistics face and it leads to different forms of self harm and abuse. It also makes any condition/s we have a whole lot worse, take socialising it’s tough but it’s doable, with stress it’s like your mouth is sowed shut and your whole body is wrapped tight. 


I thought I would end of my mental health experiences. Through my autism I have anxiety disorder called selective mutism  also I have anxiety on top. I have also had breakdowns, yes breakdowns-plural, no one noticed accept me. They though I also had depression- but that turned out to be autism. I’ve also had other things happen which I won’t say on here being public. So my mental health was rough and it still is but I take a day at a time because that’s all I can do. I evolve to a different thing every time, like eevee - best excuse for use pokèmon I could find. smile 


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Malcolm Taylor

My Life

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As today is the last day of autism awareness month I would like to share how life with autism is well to me anyway. I going to spilt this in to three bits: Emotions, danger and life.


Emotions: In general I have three emotions these are happy, sad and angry. I can't laugh (as in i make a face but no sound comes out) although i can mimic laughter each mimic of laughter is my gauge of how funny something is. To me there is no inbetween i am one of those three. When I was around year 5 to year 6 I got bored with just having these emotions, partly because i couldn't connect with anybody but also because I couldn't see from points of view only my own which is purely logical which caused issues beacuse i could take in more things then anyone in my class but my teachers couldn't really understand me although they could teach me. So I made what i called a 'Synthetic Emotion Chip' in this i put all the emotions i thought i should have like annoyed, excited and worried I think now i have around 15 'synthetic' emotions this doesn't always work but it better then not understanding someone i really want to help. An added bonus is i can turn of my 'emotion chip' when needed.


Danger: This one is an odd one where I overthink so i can see dangers before they happen. The example I use is if two cars, one going up a road the other down, are coming to a point where they meet. The three I see at least are what I call  a safe vision, a mild vision and a extreme vision these look like.                                                                                                                                                          

A Safe-  they pass it other keeping on their side of the road and no harm is done.

A Mild- They clip each other but all is well

A Extreme- The hit head on and bust in to flames anyone who was in the cars or near them is dead. 

Also the other issues I have are not seeing cars or noticing any danger coming towards me so have learnt to bounce, I'm pretty sure I am made of putty.


Life: As I have said I overthink but my life is full of bits i can't filter like that but i see things like this pretty much every step. I don't cope well with lound noises, people, touching or lots of light. I swear i was meant to be a bat. I don't really have friends or what I will call friends. I think I have one or two but thats it. I can see things from other people's point of view but its hard to unstand my own. I tic pretty much constantly whenever i have an emotional reaction which isnt good especially  when you don't want to look like a panda. It may sound like hard work or hell to me this is life I've learnt how to control certain bits  like the twiching... to a point. 


So Please be Autistic aware Some people may have issues worse then me or better but all we want is to be treated with respected and not looked at like we are odd. smile 

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Malcolm Taylor

Crash goes the car

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Edited by Malcolm Taylor, Monday, 30 Apr 2018, 22:19

This month has been busy. To make sure ive understood this because my head its still spinning. I have been working now two months going all over devon, I have caught up with friends i lost contact with, I raced in my C1, had a car accident (more on that one later), had  lesson for my OU course and finshed my TMA.  Thats pretty condensed and with all this i had 2 meltdowns. 

Right, Im going to spend most of this post explainig this silly accident. I should say I wasn't driving. A couple weeks ago me and my mum were going down to training. As my mum was looking  up the juction the car go hit  on the rear, the number plate came off, I was the only one in the car that was calm and making lots of inaproriate jokes, many i can't say on here. We then chose to abanoned training to go head home to phone the insurance people.  No one worry we are both fine. The car had to be repaired though. So we had a hire car... It was a hybrid -_- but not a prius. 

My lesson about sociology, or what the OU is calling it: the social sciences, has been so drull because we have been larening about a street, in Cardiff, in Wales. I live in Devon, in England... How is it meant to be relatable? If you live in wales i can see why its relatable. Now its picking up we are learning about supermarkets. Its still boring but at least i can look at a supermarket or go in one. After this i think we are looking at how and why things are being thrown away. 

The TMA has been fun, I had to plan, where theres autism, theres a plan- usally for or against autism. I do like plans, i can have some order. The down side was the plan had to be a page long- its way to short for a plan it needs to be at least two three pages long. Then I had to use the plan, i finished my TMA in two hours. Then back to work. My life is fun, if i'm not studying, i'm working if i am not doing either of that im training. 

This has been quite a short post but there is so much happening i can't process all of it. I am still quite surpirsed ive had two meltdowns.  smile 

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Malcolm Taylor

First assignment back and Second assignment done

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Edited by Malcolm Taylor, Monday, 19 Mar 2018, 14:39

I got my first assignment back and I PASSED!!! I only had minor things wrongs things like grammar and choosing the wrong words. Now I have to do my second assignment which is now done. (As of 15/03/18). In both I had to do a self-reflection, the only way I could do them was answered them was logically especially the ones where they asked how I felt. I know the questions are for the majority but they would have thought of things that mean people with ASD, especially people on a different part of the spectrum would be to a minimum and that they wouldn't be stumped by things, even if the wording is changed for them. That isn't always the case I have been figuring out. The tutors each have different marking ideas and the book has a rough understanding as well. So both together will make your mark. I am lucky enough to have an understanding of both sides of that coin it fair to say most with ASD won't understand both.

I have a study buddy now, they seem quite good at looking at things differently. I don't know what it is and please people can answer. I only go to face to face tutorials but people always seem anxious and nervous. Why does everyone seem so negative whilst looking at things?  Surely that will hinder their grades and people around them? 

My paddling is going well apart from all the snow we are having in Devon. I hope at some point I can get back onto the water, just training on land is becoming really boring. I have a traineeship thingy, I really don't know what to call it. I help or work with CAMHS (Children and Adolescence Mental Health Service) so balancing this, paddling, OU and other parts of life, which luckily I really don't have, get a bit tricky in place but seems all to be pointing in the right way. So I can only hope for the best.

In other parts of life somewhere between my first assignment and my second I was allowed to show the Young Devon EH4MH Hub group part of my beliefs; Taoism and some meditation techniques which may help them. The Hub group is full of really nice people. It quite nice to see people take on new ideas which go against there own ideas or beliefs; if it is to expand there ideal or expand on what is life. If anyone is interested please have a look: http://www.youngdevon.org/contact?partner_id=650

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