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Malcolm Taylor

Gender, Sexuality and Relationships Part 2

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Right I will admit that I haven't said everything about this topic, partly because I'm really bad at explaining but also because its a really confusing topic to talk about especially when you are tired. From where is I left off where I talked about different degrees of gender and when it comes to sexuality we still fit into very normal boxes, like being heterosexual, gay and lesbian, trans-gender and bisexual. Well most of us don't fix ourselves in those brackets. If you wanted to label me you could put me in non-binary or in gender fluid as I am either depending if my emotion chip is working. So some of us have no natural gender, although I know I'm male. When it comes to sexuality I think I can be safe to say quite a lot are pansexual. Pansexual is where you fall in 'love' with the person/machine not the gender so some of us may 'love' a robot rather than a person. If you wanted an example from me then although I like somebody I have a connection with my boat, although it's not completely the same to me it not far off. If anyone is wondering why 'love' is written this way its because I don't use the word and haven't since I was around 3-4 years old. To me it's a word that causes the most arguments, its also a really broad term as you can 'love' your friends, family and someone you are in a relationship with so I don't use it. Instead I show it by which means best to person or thing. A lot are also asexual so this mean they don't have sexual feelings or association with those feelings, so you could say a few are like this if we shutdown, I know some are without shutting down, as we limited to basic feelings; so happy, sad and maybe angry. This the other bit I made a bit of a boo boo on I forgot to talk more about this. I mentioned trying to ask someone out. Then a bit about them which isn't too helpful. Lets give a bit more detail a retcon a few things. 😃 Firstly asking someone out we could think years in advance and I do mean years, I liked someone I planned for four years before asking them to account for every scenario and any backup plans, if needed- so if they try attacking me, if their friends started making fun of me etc. you can see what I was planning for. So you can have a rough time scale of about year to three years being normal, just to make sure everything is in place and they know everything need. We make ourselves not wanted to look a bit.. odd at times. We aren't we just need to talk to them, if we could. In this time we would try and make them fit in our system and fit in to our friend area to fall back to (some may do this). Somewhere in this time frame, or longer, we might ask them out. Then there is two ways to go: Yes: Everything fits into plan and we update everything when get over all the shutdowns, meltdown or overjoyed feeling- not that I know that one. No : We start again with the planning either with them again or with someone else later on (because that what happens when you have very little emotional connection and a logical thinking). Saying this we may not ask them out a just leave it either because we found out something that breaks our system somewhere or our rules of what we look for- had a few of them. With that we may just change to someone else or wait for someone to be near the list then start the work all over again. Like I said in the Part 1 of this my form of relationship would be more of a close friendship as I have a very limited emotions so to handle it that would be the best way or a gradual change over some time. I hope this is easier to understand please leave any comments if you want. 😃
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Malcolm Taylor

Just a few changes and a catch up

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So firstly out of the gate I'm not at Nottingham due to ill health which I am really not happy about but rules are there for a reason. My 'ill health' is partly to do with my autism so thats one part of my life it had ruined this weekend, usally I can just keep going but I had to take everything into account this time around.  As it is rare i have lots of sensory overloads in a row, meltdowns I can deal with; just go into basic program and use echo location. 

Anyway enouch of that this is something I have been trying I am to to try to use something called Google Blogger. Instead of this blog, although everything will be here it won't be when I finish the OU but I am unsure if it will be after my first year or my third either way to make sure everything I have said is read and people can see things I have put it will be copied over their. It will most likely be named something simliar. I will link it when I have completed the transistion. In this case I'm an Eevee turning into a Leafeon growing and hopfully spreading a more helpful basis to Autism Awareness.

So being blue, not being down like its accosiated with, that is the actual colour for autism awareness; blue... I would like to know where this came from because if it is associated with our moods then I won't be happy. You could almost say I might be blue... . I know bad pun. 

There are some reason why I am trying this new program. 

1) It's not customisable. I wouldn't mind this if had a coulorful background but for me it has this horrible grey and light blue. I don't know what it is like for anyone who reads this, but expect strong colours if they can be changed.

2) I can put pictures on here. If you aren't a OU student reading this the OU give you 500KB for a picture to be uploaded, so its either very poor quality or you can't get it on although due to copyright i doubt i will be doing many Pokemon picture because nintendo love sueing people who show pokemon without giving them credit. 

These are the main ones but I am positve this could be a step in the right way. 

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Malcolm Taylor

Gender, Sexuality and Relationships

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Its a two for one today, mainly because this post should been done this week and the last post should have been done last week but the our internet company decided to forget about us. 

So this is the last topic in this and its about gender and sexuality, I’m going to add relationships in as well just to give a fuller picture. Word of warning this is going to get complicated really quick and its going to get odd very quickly. So you have been warned. smile 

So I'm guessing anyone you is reading this knows about LGBT+, I know I have missed most but for the sake of simplicity, anyway if not L is Lesbian, G is Gay, B is Bisexual and T is Transgender and the + is for everyone else who comes under their banner. Here where it will get confusing.  A lot of people with autism are LGBT+, but for most who aren’t we don’t have definitive gender. We can be seen as male, female, slightly feminine, slightly masculine, Male but very feminine- although not gay, Female but very masculine- although not a lesbian. Right I can hear people like that saying that seems normal so far what wrong with any of this? Those who are slightly or are very feminine but are male have either learned their sexuality from the wrong sex or they don’t understand what gender they are but know what they are anatomically. The same along the female side. For most people the gender and sexuality are in their brains who and what they are, for most of us nope.  Okay lets put things into confusing matters. If you are still on board then lets see if this stumps you. A lot of people with autism and mainly Asperger’s can be heterosexual but we can have moments where we still look at the same sex and think that they are attractive.   

I’m going to talk a bit about relationships again this one is odd. Lets go from the start. Asking someone out is hard, but most people with autism or Asperger’s thinks that they must know whom ever they maybe must be know they have autism/Asperger’s usually they flee by that point- my experiences anyway. Before any of that they have to make sure they can be trusted and that they don’t freak with any twitches or behaviours we have. So if they can be trusted, can deal with our behaviours and they know they have autism we try and make them friends or acquaintances from there we use our own scale of our friendship before asking. If no we try and keep them close if yes they we change are whole system for them. Within that we know that we may not know what we are and what we understand gender or sexuality. So we can be a bit confused.  Then you have the quirks of each person, in my case I don’t like being touched or touching people, so you can see where the issues are and to top it as I keep saying I have limited emotions so if I can have any type of relationship it would be more like a close friendship then anything, which sounds a little sad but I don't really care I can mimic certain emotions so I try and make up for what I miss. 

This is the last post for this seires. I will plan some more things like this I think I might do a seires about how we view the world. There will be some odd post on here from then but I’m going to mainly plan this. smile


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Malcolm Taylor

Human- An Autism Arugument

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First a quick catch up I passed my TMA04 which is good. I have just TMA05  to do and my assessments, an exam through course work, for this module. I'm just getting ready to go back to Nottingham  and whilst training I may have caught a bit of sun stroke- but I can't stroke the sun because apparently it 'too hot’ wink


This one is going to be an odd one. This post is going to be how some people on the spectrum don't feel like they are human, or should I say they don't feel like homo sapiens. There are two main ways to look at this. 


1) They feel like they can do everything better then the standard homo sapiens because their 'gifts' give them an unusual amount of input to the world around them. I kinda fall in this category with my 'gifts' I can mimic and adapt to virtually any situation or environment given to me with near precision hence the nickname Gecko. From this things like adverts or sublimate messages don't work on me because they become part of the environment I’m in. Some As I have mentioned have a very high empathic skill these know and can feel peoples feeling around them or they can sense the atmosphere they are in and sense each individual persons emotions- One skill I would like. 


2) They feel don’t fit in the mould where they think they are human but feel more like a computer and can relate more to something technological then biological. They can come from how fast we think- I might talk about that later on.  We also have meltdowns or shutdowns which are explained and kinda look like a computer crashing. A lot of us have a high or good memory which can seem like a computer storage system. 


Sorry this is so short. This kind of an odd one that doesn't really get talked about so I though I would put as part of this set up. This might help with the next post I will put up.


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Malcolm Taylor

Friends

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Edited by Malcolm Taylor, Tuesday, 12 Jun 2018, 21:07

Right first of all catch up, I have finshed my 4th TMA and I decided to run yesterday, 11th, and well I tried in 27C to run 5 mile I got 3.5 miles and a tiny bit of heat stoke. Then a sensory overload because of the heatstroke- I don't like heat.

This topic is going to be a kinda fun one because the only I can describe somethings are going to describe or explain I might have to use song lyrics. I am hopfully going to talk about friends or at least my idea of friendship.

This is kinda common some people with autism have rules, as with everything we have rules. I will run through my basic rules to show how bad some of these can be. If i can i will try to explain so of them.

1) Have to be able to keep up with me mentally- so if can speak to them and don't have to dumb anything down.

2) Have to be female- its a precourtion most males are either agressive and/or posessive through evoultion so stop me mimicing or adopting any traits.

3) Have to be paitent- I tend to deither around so paitents helps also if they are calm, I should be.

4) Should be understanding- I tend either not to listen or I if i shutdown, I hope they understand.

5) Have to be accepting- I don't like bigots,racists or people who try and sway views.

Right these are basic rules from there more rules spring off. I will run through the stages of friendship for me aswell i think most are accepted but i will run through them anyway.

Stage 1) accquantice

Stage 2) higher accquantice- Males go no higher then here.

Stage 3) Outline friend- most people who fit the rules end here (This is where the rules start to apply)

Stage 4) Friend- have one or two people between here and stage 5

Stage 5) Fixed Friend- More commonly known as a best friend

So its quite hard to fit on to the scale. That was the idea because i got bullied from a young age this was my way of filtering out fake friends.

All of this is basic of logic, not common sense partly because i have very little but also have and keeping friends needs emotions. I don't have a big enough emotional range and the higher up the stage the more emotional envolement you are meant to have with them. Some people have to me they are just friends, but i am meant to look after friends. If I lose that connecton with someon in that stage4-5 its more like 'Since you been gone' - Rainbow. It's relivent and a bad pun at the same time tongueout . I think that is enough because i will be cover some of this in the Gender blog later on.

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Malcolm Taylor

The Cure Arugement

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Well this firstly isn't an argument more bigotry or ignorants, take your pick. For anyone whos dosen't know too much about autism I will run the basics off.

Firstly because Austim is known as Autism Spectrum Disorder(ASD), or Autism Spectrum Condition(ASC). Autism is a 'developmental' disorder, this meant to happen as we develop but before birth. That is pretty much everyone knows about that bit. Autism allows that person to become sentive to sound, light, tates and touching or just all of them.Autism affects social and communition skill aswell as motor fine and gross funtion skills, thats movement skill. Fine motor are small/fine movements like threding needles and gross movements are big moments like walking. It can also affects speach, thats why some are non-verbal or have a stammer.  Also most have a talent of some kind and perfect pitch or can at least sense perfect pitch.


Anyway thats enough of that. Heres the cure 'argument'

There are people who think that autism can be cured because it is a condition or a disorder. These come in a variety of things such as; spells, medication, being beaten or just being locked in a room by your self. I'm not going to say what type of people do this. The reason they think they can cure autism is because its a condition and we look normalon the outside so why are we odd in the inside. That is the basis they think we can be cured by any of that ^. The question these people haven't thought about is do we need a cure? Yes it can be hard work. Yes it can be annoying not understanding people but Autism makes us uquine people. Lastly a question for anyone who belives in this cure or for anyone who wants to ponder it. Before you answer people with autism 1/5 of elements on the peirodic table, we expanded the field of knowledge in Chemistry, Physics, Mathematics, Biology, Design and Electronics- without autism you may not be reading this from your computer, tablet or phone. That what i can think off the top of my head. Without autism the world would be different because its our 'out of of the box' thinking that has found these things and more. Why would you want to cure autism? 

That is the cure arugement folks- it is a simple argument but also a little silly aswell. 


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Malcolm Taylor

Why Autism is around and a catch up

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Edited by Malcolm Taylor, Wednesday, 6 Jun 2018, 21:09

It's been a while since my last blog post so here is a litlle catch up. Ive raced up in Nottingham and came first in my final and beat the Girls4Gold team, which is nice broke a couple records for Exeter but still no medal :/ . My fourth assigment is due soon and the tutorial for this assigment was last week and guess how many people turned up... Yep ONE, me. I know im special but I didn't need a whole classroom to myself. Anyway here is some, I'm not saying all but these two are quite popular, what I mean by that is people who work in the autism field and when i got tested they asked "which argument do you support". I will try and be neutral and list pros and cons of each if I miss something please say.

Argument 1- Autism is a evolutionary step. I know as first glace its sounds odd. This is the arument as I understand it. As most reasonable minds see things there is a thoery of evoulution. In this we came from lizards or small mammals of the time and further back it crated eyes, ears and most of our anatomy as we know it now. Where autism comes in is a lot of us have hightened senses may this be hearing, seeing, smell, touch, taste or all of them. This is a state of evolution which hasn't completely finshed because the brain hasn't mapped these funtions as being that hightened so to cope with this each fuction  has a shut off point where it overloads. It explains whythere is no uniformity in autism. Some other evidents to back it up is that evolution is in constate flux and some of us have better memory, pain toleration and reflexs. Although some of this has to be taught, its there. So depending on this scale it shows people how evolved they are. Also the number of people being dianogsed with autism is growing so it kinda shows that they are more and it is growing soon autism maybe the norm- which will be a change. This is a rough explaintion for everyone, but here are the pros and cons.

Pros:                                                                                                                            

- It explains autism                                                                                                  

-It explains why we have better senses then 'normal' people                          

- Explains the spectrum a little more                                                                           

  Cons:                                                                                     

 - It doesn't explain how we have evovled         

 - Some things have to be taught           

 - It doesn't explain the personality quriks most people with autism have such as being obnoxious or things like twiching


Argument 2- Autism is the human idea of a scarifical lamb

This runs of the same idea with the evolutionalry setting. As most reasonable minds see things there is a thoery of evoulution. In this we came from lizards or small mammals of the time and further back it crated eyes, ears and most of our anatomy as we know it now. Where autism comes in is a lot of us have hightened senses may this be hearing, seeing, smell, touch, taste or all of them. This is a state of evolution which hasn't completely finshed because the brain hasn't mapped these funtions as being that hightened so to cope with this each fuction has a shut off point where it overloads, this is where we would get either killed or put in serous danger. Instead of being the more advance idea of people, we are scarifial lambs who help the collective survive. Apart from those with good memorys because they would record what had happen so the rest of the 'pack' or group you are with don't make the same mistake. Hence why we don't understand danger or have emotions because they aren't needed. Also to help this argument most people with autism when have an overlao of sound or emotions will freeze, instead of running or facing it. 

Pros:                                                                                                                            

- It explains autism                                                                                                

-It explains why we have better senses then 'normal' people                          

- Explains the spectrum a little more                                                          

- It explain some the personality quriks most people                                                                                                                                           with autism have such as being obnoxious or things like twiching         


Cons:

  - It doesn't explain how we have evovled 

       - Some things have to be taught        

- Isn't explained why it is still needed thousands of years later                                                                      

 - Doesn't completely explain atypical autism  or the people with  autism who can adapt or mimic        

I hope this was intresting and i will let you pick which one is you think is right. smile 

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Malcolm Taylor

Catch up with life and a few changes

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I know this is my fourth blog of the month. Which shows that i have a lot of free time, that wasn't planned but work has been lax so i have done my hours which meant waiting for emails mainly. So I have a lot of time to plan things. Training has been odd as I'm racing in about a week's time, more about that later, so I have done sets which meant I couldn't push it too much in case of injury.

So anyway my third assignment came back was another PASS in this case just, i just passed because I put too much detail in my work. I don't quite understand how you do that I was told to describe... so I did a lot.  I had to make a plan so did, I had to follow the plan so I did and use statistics in my assignment so I did. I swear part of the marking scheme doesn't account for autistic people taking things absolutely literally. I think it's about 1 in 80 ish people are autistic and that is rising steadily. So is there a 1000 people studying that's at least 20 people who are autistic, I know we are a minority but as soon as the statistics go to 1 in 55 to 1in 50 then something should be in place by then. It was 1 in 100 in some places across the world 5 years ago now in the same places it's anywhere between 1 in 65 to 1 in 80 so I hope places in education understand that educating someone with autism is a bit different then most methods, so guides go out the window because we know somethings but if we haven't been told to put them in then why should we. Most things we see are thought with logical reasoning behind it. Although in have somewhere I don't how reasonable it is. 

I am racing next week (Saturday 2 June) in Nottingham it's going to be mixed groups so it should be fun. I don't really have much to say about it I have my friend helping me not panic so I just got to breathe, not launch and hope that I really don't panic. I really have much to say there will be a piece on here about it after I am back home.

Anyway I am going to start a little mini series about different things about autism so this will be:

1-  Why autism is around- from an autistics point of view.

2- The cure argument- because it is just so funny.

3- Friends

4- Not human- another autistic argument 

and because I have the number 4 ...

5- gender and sexuality


These are either going to be from my own views or from a general number of people who have autism so please don't get offended by anything or think any of this isn't coming from sensitive or private  place. Hopefully this should give any neurotypical  a view from some people who have autism.


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Malcolm Taylor

Mental health Awareness day 2018

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It's the last day of mental health Awareness week and it's focusing on stress... Oh boy. I know they want more people to know more about mental health in general but stress? I know everyone 'suffers' through stress, I'll explain why it's put like that later, let's put it through the eyes of someone who autistic. 

Stress to us is well... life. I could just sum it up like that but I'm going to explain mainly because when I talk to people they don't understand how I see things, but if i do anything general I'm going to focus from a higher functioning autism (& Asperger's) point of veiw. 

Every step I take I see countless dangers, it could be anything from me tripping to a meteor falling on me, most non-autistic brains will filter this. Then add on contacting people so talking or just walking past them, as I think a meteor is going to fall on me you don't have to guess much with might happen with that, still I will say, so to me the person could be harmless to they might spontaneously combust (blow up with no help needed).  When it come to talking to people I don’t know what people could say so I prepare phases to things either to buy me time or to give answer. Also like most people with autism I’m sensitive to the world around me, in my case light and sound. So I have to process all the sounds around me to keep a step ahead of what’s in front of me. I have to adjust my vision so I take in enough light to see but that’s it any more and I feel like my eyes are going to burn and too little and I can’t see. It’s handy at night time but I’m not an owl. On top of things I physical twitches so I have to hide that because if I twitch people have been known to either not help me or treatment like I’m a toddler. Also I also have verbal twitches/outbursts, which make things interesting... I sometimes can’t control somethings I say like “peek-a-boo” or “I’m a turtle”. This doesn’t make life easy but you get use to it. To add some general things in its between 23-28% of all autistics are epileptic and a further 25-36% have epileptic like issues but it’s not epilepsy. In this area all of them combine so that is 48-64% of all autistics will have a epileptic attacks (for the 25-36% it is usually their last) usually it will happen whilst being asleep.  Also when we have meltdowns or shutdowns all what I said times it by ten because most of us won’t even talk until we can handle what is happening. So the idea of handling stress for neurotypicals (non-autistic people) is laughable because before people usually think they have a lot going on or too much happening. For a day just try being us or look at how much you actually have going on. Most of autistics have all this and most likely more. This is partly why I  (and maybe others) have special items such as bowls and forks etc. Or why I have special places I vist or have specific spot I go or sit. If it moves the slightest bit I have to recalculate everything and adapt. 

This is why I phrased stress the way I did to a neurotypical, stress can be a hard thing and I can do other things like affect eating and sleep. To people who are autistic we have the same things but it affects us physically we have so much mental capacity we can starve are brain of anything needed or we can stop any of our senses. In theory with the capacity we have over our brains we can do anything in theory. For neurotypicals there are signs and symptoms for us there’s some signs and some symptoms but no one knows what happens in our heads. Stress is the most certain uncertainty most autistics face and it leads to different forms of self harm and abuse. It also makes any condition/s we have a whole lot worse, take socialising it’s tough but it’s doable, with stress it’s like your mouth is sowed shut and your whole body is wrapped tight. 


I thought I would end of my mental health experiences. Through my autism I have anxiety disorder called selective mutism  also I have anxiety on top. I have also had breakdowns, yes breakdowns-plural, no one noticed accept me. They though I also had depression- but that turned out to be autism. I’ve also had other things happen which I won’t say on here being public. So my mental health was rough and it still is but I take a day at a time because that’s all I can do. I evolve to a different thing every time, like eevee - best excuse for use pokèmon I could find. smile 


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Malcolm Taylor

Life's funny

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I thought I would say some of the funny things i had said or done to me or what i have done. As I have had some weird and wonderful things said when i mention i am on the spectrum. Also some people think that its hard being autistic, its even what i got taught in my health and social care course apprently be autistic can be very challenging. I haven't seen much difference from being normal. We just tilt are heads and walk- get it as we see things froma different angle. Sorry i know its a bad joke.

Anyway lets get on with beign funny. Apologies for anybad jokes. smile

I was training on the water and someone decided to have a conversation with me we got talking, although it took awhile to get talking, this person i mentined that was autistic more exacly i have Asperger's Syndrome and he response was " Oh, I'm sorry" I just smiled. You wounldn't belive how many people go to this response if you mention you have autism or Asperger's. I'veeven had it in an interview. Im still trying to figure out why they are sorry- I'm special and i like soft furry things instead of being sorry just put a cat or an animal i can touch in front of me.

Another thing someone has said is "nevermind, you will phase out of it" what i usaully say is no i can't go through walls. I can't see why people say silly things like this, if they say thins like that then i will usally say silly things back to them.

Right this is some from me now.

I was at a restruant with my parents, I had a drink it was a pepsi with ice and a lime, when i came to drink from it then lime touch me. I pulled my drink away from me. I looked at my parents and said "the lime touched me inapropiately" I paused then i said "I don't like that lime".

This is one that i always do but im picking the best one. Me and my mum were in town we got to a blind corner she turned the music down so she could hear any queit cars or bikes and just as she turned out of the corner all you heard from me was "Peek-a-Boo" my mum pulled the car over tried to stop laughing then carried on heading home.

Anybody who knows me i can mimic very well and guess what? Anyone reading this is going to have to use their imagination, poor you. The Action man moneysupermaket advert was on, so i grab my dog and made them act part of it out... then they slapped me so i carried to mimic it the only issue is I'm not plastic

I might be the odd acception but I try to be funny and happy because if i goof up, i look like me if i don't goof up (and im not with any strangers) i can do little dance.


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Malcolm Taylor

Overloads and shutdowns/Meltdowns

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Edited by Malcolm Taylor, Thursday, 10 May 2018, 22:23

I thought i would talk about what overloads feel like and also what shutdowns feel like aswell. I thought i would firstly explain what overloads and shutdowns are for anyone who isn't ASD litteral. 

Overloads are where all the infomation me or anyone with autism has collected through the day but it usally hasn't been processed yet most of this is filtered by your brain if you don't have autism or some learning disabilites. This will usally be everythign you encounter so everything you see including raw light, hear even if it is distance or background noise, feel inculding air touching your skin and taste including everytime you breathe.  If you think about it you do alot of this in a day and not relise. So if you overload you feel slow and sluggish as your brain can't take anymore thing in but it has to, it's like force feeding your brain to stay awake and take more things on.

Shutdowns/Meltdowns usally happen if someone is overloading or have overloaded this is where we can't take anymore infomation or don't want to and we stop everything we are processing but no how to shut ourselves off so there are usally three ways  someone with autism will go. They will shut them selves off completely, get very angry and bossy- this usally looks like a tantrum that a todler might have at times or they still keep try to keep processing but have to slow everything down to get to a point where they can keep  everything stable. Guess which I do? That right number ...3 ! I have done all these somepoint in my life, but i think if i keep going i will eventually pick up the slack although this dosen't always work in which case most of us will go to the extreme idea of how to stop shutdowns or overloads and that is sleep or in people with higher functions some of us have learn to  shut down the processing part of our brain so we can see the world around us without having to processing it, although we won't  remember what has happened in that bit or what happened through out the day but most of us live with that as msot of us will have an order what was going to happen that day so we can trace our steps, if we can be bothered.

Overloads feel to me like the whole world is going through my head, if i don't know what is going to happen then i just feel like i want to put my head  on a table and hide away. It can feel like everything is caving in around me because everything has slowed down. This could be different  for others. There is a video The National Autistic Society  did which i will link in somewhere...

Shutdowns right this one is tricky to describe if you never had one but i will try my best to describe how it feels to me. To it feels like i am trapped in a mountian of infomation but everytime i move or do anything more informtion gets put on top of me but i can't breathe  more and more. This is where my diffenition of friend comes in as they help me through this or they can help me process this. I only have a few friends who can do this and I'm very thankful they are there.


To make things a bit lighter and more colourful I was working today and i got sidetracked a stared drawing in one of the coffee breaks i had. I drawed the Autism Awareness symbol with its little phases or tag lines- i don't know what it is called. If you can't read them they are  LOVE, TEACH, HOPE, INSPIRE. I know they are in the wrong order slightly but i can't change it .

To me you can look at it two ways as a person or parent: you can LOVE them for being them. TEACH them about life and how to get through. Install HOPE inthem to live life to the fullest and from there HOPEfully you can INSPIRE them to be the best of them.

Or

There is the the awareness route which you LOVE your community to TEACH the community about autism and how to be understanding towards autism. From there you HOPE people will continue to listen and understand and you INSPIRE more awareness in your community.


Anyway here is a picture of the picture, if found the limt of what photo can put on hopefully you can see the photo through a shortcut (at the top). I think it was just too good to show.  ;)

 




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Malcolm Taylor

My Life

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As today is the last day of autism awareness month I would like to share how life with autism is well to me anyway. I going to spilt this in to three bits: Emotions, danger and life.


Emotions: In general I have three emotions these are happy, sad and angry. I can't laugh (as in i make a face but no sound comes out) although i can mimic laughter each mimic of laughter is my gauge of how funny something is. To me there is no inbetween i am one of those three. When I was around year 5 to year 6 I got bored with just having these emotions, partly because i couldn't connect with anybody but also because I couldn't see from points of view only my own which is purely logical which caused issues beacuse i could take in more things then anyone in my class but my teachers couldn't really understand me although they could teach me. So I made what i called a 'Synthetic Emotion Chip' in this i put all the emotions i thought i should have like annoyed, excited and worried I think now i have around 15 'synthetic' emotions this doesn't always work but it better then not understanding someone i really want to help. An added bonus is i can turn of my 'emotion chip' when needed.


Danger: This one is an odd one where I overthink so i can see dangers before they happen. The example I use is if two cars, one going up a road the other down, are coming to a point where they meet. The three I see at least are what I call  a safe vision, a mild vision and a extreme vision these look like.                                                                                                                                                          

A Safe-  they pass it other keeping on their side of the road and no harm is done.

A Mild- They clip each other but all is well

A Extreme- The hit head on and bust in to flames anyone who was in the cars or near them is dead. 

Also the other issues I have are not seeing cars or noticing any danger coming towards me so have learnt to bounce, I'm pretty sure I am made of putty.


Life: As I have said I overthink but my life is full of bits i can't filter like that but i see things like this pretty much every step. I don't cope well with lound noises, people, touching or lots of light. I swear i was meant to be a bat. I don't really have friends or what I will call friends. I think I have one or two but thats it. I can see things from other people's point of view but its hard to unstand my own. I tic pretty much constantly whenever i have an emotional reaction which isnt good especially  when you don't want to look like a panda. It may sound like hard work or hell to me this is life I've learnt how to control certain bits  like the twiching... to a point. 


So Please be Autistic aware Some people may have issues worse then me or better but all we want is to be treated with respected and not looked at like we are odd. smile 

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Malcolm Taylor

Crash goes the car

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Edited by Malcolm Taylor, Monday, 30 Apr 2018, 22:19

This month has been busy. To make sure ive understood this because my head its still spinning. I have been working now two months going all over devon, I have caught up with friends i lost contact with, I raced in my C1, had a car accident (more on that one later), had  lesson for my OU course and finshed my TMA.  Thats pretty condensed and with all this i had 2 meltdowns. 

Right, Im going to spend most of this post explainig this silly accident. I should say I wasn't driving. A couple weeks ago me and my mum were going down to training. As my mum was looking  up the juction the car go hit  on the rear, the number plate came off, I was the only one in the car that was calm and making lots of inaproriate jokes, many i can't say on here. We then chose to abanoned training to go head home to phone the insurance people.  No one worry we are both fine. The car had to be repaired though. So we had a hire car... It was a hybrid -_- but not a prius. 

My lesson about sociology, or what the OU is calling it: the social sciences, has been so drull because we have been larening about a street, in Cardiff, in Wales. I live in Devon, in England... How is it meant to be relatable? If you live in wales i can see why its relatable. Now its picking up we are learning about supermarkets. Its still boring but at least i can look at a supermarket or go in one. After this i think we are looking at how and why things are being thrown away. 

The TMA has been fun, I had to plan, where theres autism, theres a plan- usally for or against autism. I do like plans, i can have some order. The down side was the plan had to be a page long- its way to short for a plan it needs to be at least two three pages long. Then I had to use the plan, i finished my TMA in two hours. Then back to work. My life is fun, if i'm not studying, i'm working if i am not doing either of that im training. 

This has been quite a short post but there is so much happening i can't process all of it. I am still quite surpirsed ive had two meltdowns.  smile 

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Malcolm Taylor

Asperger's and Life

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Edited by Malcolm Taylor, Monday, 26 Mar 2018, 19:06

Well, I had a few good days and spent time with people I trust, sorry everyone but I don't have friends, best you get though. I know that I look at life differently, I guess that's with most if not everyone who is autistic, whether that be in my head, inside a rainbow- pun intended or just blurred with music with colourful lights. Some autistics, including myself, will never really understand people and how to cross the road safety (thank you Toyota Prius driver). However, there are some things that I find that I really understand like physics, mathematics even languages ( to a point). All these have one main thing in common; all these have patterns. So I'm guessing here but other people with autism, Aspergers, ASD or whatever label you want to call it. If we find a pattern to life we can be people and have a life, I think. mixed .

These are things I have always understood in some ways but I have other issues which confuse a lot of things. So I didn't realise how much they could affect me. I don't say anything personal- sorry again. But I have had lots of issues not just with my Aspergers but with everything, mentally and physically everything is just piling on top it could be that I have never had to change my plan of the week as much as I had to last week, or I could be over thinking everything. (I bet you it is that one). Maybe in my next post, I will talk about the way I see life. Coming back to the now. 

Here is the odd photo for you all. It's Pokemon called Eevee it explains autism so well (as far as I can see)  as most Pokemon evolve and the Eevee's evolution is so unstable it can turn into any type: Grass, Water, Fire, Electric etc. Whatever it is near it will turn into this type, plus its cute and fluffy. All it needs is sensory lights and it would be completely autistic friendly. To top it off Eevee is Normal!!


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Malcolm Taylor

First assignment back and Second assignment done

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Edited by Malcolm Taylor, Monday, 19 Mar 2018, 14:39

I got my first assignment back and I PASSED!!! I only had minor things wrongs things like grammar and choosing the wrong words. Now I have to do my second assignment which is now done. (As of 15/03/18). In both I had to do a self-reflection, the only way I could do them was answered them was logically especially the ones where they asked how I felt. I know the questions are for the majority but they would have thought of things that mean people with ASD, especially people on a different part of the spectrum would be to a minimum and that they wouldn't be stumped by things, even if the wording is changed for them. That isn't always the case I have been figuring out. The tutors each have different marking ideas and the book has a rough understanding as well. So both together will make your mark. I am lucky enough to have an understanding of both sides of that coin it fair to say most with ASD won't understand both.

I have a study buddy now, they seem quite good at looking at things differently. I don't know what it is and please people can answer. I only go to face to face tutorials but people always seem anxious and nervous. Why does everyone seem so negative whilst looking at things?  Surely that will hinder their grades and people around them? 

My paddling is going well apart from all the snow we are having in Devon. I hope at some point I can get back onto the water, just training on land is becoming really boring. I have a traineeship thingy, I really don't know what to call it. I help or work with CAMHS (Children and Adolescence Mental Health Service) so balancing this, paddling, OU and other parts of life, which luckily I really don't have, get a bit tricky in place but seems all to be pointing in the right way. So I can only hope for the best.

In other parts of life somewhere between my first assignment and my second I was allowed to show the Young Devon EH4MH Hub group part of my beliefs; Taoism and some meditation techniques which may help them. The Hub group is full of really nice people. It quite nice to see people take on new ideas which go against there own ideas or beliefs; if it is to expand there ideal or expand on what is life. If anyone is interested please have a look: http://www.youngdevon.org/contact?partner_id=650

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Malcolm Taylor

First assignment and a new chapter

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Edited by Malcolm Taylor, Wednesday, 14 Feb 2018, 20:36

I handed my first assignment yesterday. I think it was all correct. Next chapter now I had a quick look at it and my idea of how society get made and remade really needs to change. I also looked at the assessment it's an extended version of the first. Let's hope I've answered the first correct or I might be able on the wrong foot, I'm not sure it will be I guess its my right foot. Although could be and really bad foot and start with a hand. 


The more I study introduction to social sciences the more I realise that most people with autism are in built with the idea that we are part of society but the patterns that everyone does are so predictable- in the larger cogs of society. That's why we watch people. Most of us like patterns- I'm more partial to pretty lights.  Even so the patterns are there we notice them more or they bother us more, that bit I'm not too sure about. But we see thing in such different ways that we make everything 3-Dementional it our and other people with learning disorders perspective that changes views for lots of people and hopefully shape the world in more than a few people.


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Malcolm Taylor

Study and the First Assignment

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Edited by Malcolm Taylor, Wednesday, 14 Feb 2018, 20:35

Note to anyone that reads this- I take most things literary so you can laugh at what you read. I have to. 

I got all the things to study my course- Psychology BSc (Hons), near Christmas time so it was like a Christmas present from the Open University.

When my Course had officially started read the chapter I needed to and TMA1 over and over and made a plan even before the Module Introduction. As soon as I went to the introduction I realised everything was ahead by a bit well... a lot- all three parts don't to the word (roughly) just needed to type it up.

When it got to typing up, I realised that I had encrypted my assignment- thanks Autism. This meant I had to unencrypt it word by word hoping it made sense. Some how it did but the word count was lagging but at least it made sense.

So far the main issue I have with the course is how society is made and remade- my first idea is buildings get knocked down and new ones get put in their place apparently not as simple as that. Nor just added plaster to a wall, but hey look at the bigger picture- I did on my tablet pity the camera doesn't work. 

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