If you have, like... a poor calculus teacher. Then that's gonna trigger a maths exodus.
Personal Blogs
Q. In what way are bees honest?
A. They put their honey where their house is.
We gave this seven point hive.
It's tough being a stand up comedian. You can't afford to fall down on the job.
"What makes you think I eat songbirds?", asked Tom cagily.
Damned fly.
You stopped me.
"I also live".
That's what you said.
Until some months ago I thought measuring happiness was a crazy idea.
By chance I read this article and saw I'd been wrong. Dead wrong.
Or not exactly that. But thinking about wild blackberries reminded me of other wild fruits.
Round here we really have only the blackberries, and sloes. Sloes are delicious as the fruit that goes into the gin-based liqueur named for them, but if you eat one plucked from the hedgerow your mouth and eyes screw up instantly. All the same I believe the sloe is part-ancestor of some cultivated plums.
Further afield, or perhaps a-wood is more accurate, I have eaten wild strawberries and raspberries in many places. I've also consumed many crab apples; usually jellified, but also crisp, sharp and raw, fresh from the tree.
Crab apples vary a lot, and may often I think have some cultivated genes in them, either crossed from regular apples, or perhaps from crab apple cultivars grown for jelly making.
All these fruits are probably members of the rose family, and rose bushes produce their own fruit - rosehips. These are supposed to be a good source of Vitamin C. If you are about the same age as me you may remember Delrosa Syrup.
We've all heard of whispering grass. But I have complaining grass.
If I cut it, all I hear is new moan hay.
Carried me over a gorge.
Enlightenment is different
You must make your own way there.
But test each step
Along the path.
At twilight: when we hear
Birds and people: calling one another.
First there was a proposal to remove the "Disagree" button.
"Agree" won the vote, so "Disagree" was removed.
Then there was a proposal to reinstate the "Disagree" button.
No-one disagreed, so it was reinstated.
"There are liars, damn liars, and politicians."
(No offence, but they were rude about us first. And who is the more accurate?)
Q. How do you get a baby leaf salad off to sleep?
A. Rocket.
In a recent buzz with some flies I know
I utilised the word "longevity"
They never came back
Of course the word
Was too long
For them
Or me
Life
.
Geese Iheardyoutell
Each other where you're going tonight.
Please take me too.
Download this audio clip.Audio player: audioS1.mp3
Source http://www.nature.com/news/2005/051031/multimedia/audioS1.mp3 (needs Quicktime)
I love eating wild blackberries during my walks at this time of year. Sampling one or two tart berries from every bush along the way, it always seems to me that each produces fruit unlike any other, any place else: as (they say) small vineyards produce distinctively different wines because of their soil and situation.
But professional tasters (if any exist) of local blackberries have to work on a much more delicate scale than wine tasters. One meter is a long way in blackberry space.
A poem Blackberry Picking by Seamus Heaney starts
I tried to capture a famous Haiku in my own words
Summer grass
All that's become
Of warrior dreams.
Basho 1644-1694
Then I tried to rewrite it in Anglo-Saxon form, because that is another style of poetry I admire greatly.
All along the strand where valorous warriors gave their lives.
The traveller hears nothing now save the sea.
Only the grass whispers the stories of the brave.
And why not
\
\
!
Sack me
Then
I'll
Havemore
Time to figure out
Poetry
Yours not
I've just bought a silver spoon. I plan to die with it in my mouth.
They say all the nice girls love a sailor. But the nauticals do too.
galangal = female perspective.
cumin = traditional Yorkshire doorstep welcome.
cloves = 's whatcha wear, innit?
cinnamon = can run but can't hide, all on that day.
cayenne = 1 nautical mile per hour.
caraway = overdid it, as in "Shorry, I got caraway".
bay leaf = court official.
anise = place to get gun.
"Newfangled". There's an old-fashioned expression.
Although fewer than 141 days remain to Xmas, most of the Elves are still on their hols.
However a young apprentice has recently joined and shows good promise. Here is her first joke. Please applaud a star in the making.
Q: If lions had feathers, why would that be restful?
A: Because it would be lion down.
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