He watches it on his wife's green tv.
Personal Blogs
Mondegreen collected in the field
Monday, 8 May 2017, 20:38
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Hamlet's Cat
Saturday, 6 May 2017, 01:14
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I was queuing for Eternity
Saturday, 6 May 2017, 01:05
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I was queuing for Eternity,
When someone grabbed my place.
I thought it rather rude of them,
But did not grudge the space.
Captain to Crew
Friday, 5 May 2017, 22:56
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Edited by Richard Walker, Friday, 5 May 2017, 22:57
I am Captain of this boat.
Without me it wouldn't float.
Schrödinger's Chicken
Friday, 5 May 2017, 20:56
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Edited by Richard Walker, Friday, 5 May 2017, 20:57
Has it crossed the road. Or not?
One Liner
Thursday, 4 May 2017, 20:56
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Procrastination. It's not something you can put off.
Doctor, Doctor
Thursday, 4 May 2017, 20:18
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"Doctor, Doctor, I keep having this weird idea that I'm a piece of awkward luggage." The doctor said, "Nothing to worry about. I get a lot of these difficult cases."
Epitaph for a Chronically Unpunctual Person
Wednesday, 3 May 2017, 16:13
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Please accept my apologies for lateness.
More from the AEF
Tuesday, 2 May 2017, 18:09
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triptych, n.
Been there, done that.
diptych, n.
Measuring rod.
Birdsong
Monday, 1 May 2017, 20:24
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That's my adrenaline thrush.
Who sings his heart out at the break of day.
And in the evening lulls my heart to sleep.
I went to the Doctor
Monday, 1 May 2017, 03:10
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I went to the doctor. Before I could even speak he begged, "Please, please no more. I don't want to know if you think you are almonds, brazils and cashews."
The Time Traveller's Lamentation
Monday, 1 May 2017, 02:58
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From the clockpit of my craft
I see enternity stretch fore and aft.
The Picnic
Sunday, 30 Apr 2017, 23:10
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Edited by Richard Walker, Monday, 1 May 2017, 03:00
Of all the animals at the picnic the bears were the most intoxicated. Everyone sensed trouble was bruin.
I went to the Doctor
Sunday, 30 Apr 2017, 22:22
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I went to the doctor. "Doctor," I said, "Help me!" I think I'm a packet of biscuits and I'm going to be eaten with cheese." The doctor said: "You're crackers."
One Liner
Sunday, 30 Apr 2017, 21:53
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I went to the doctor: "Doctor, doctor, every night I dream that my family are all flying mammals." The doctor shrugged. "You're bats."
Investment Opportunity
Sunday, 30 Apr 2017, 21:34
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Regular readers will know I have many start-ups to my credit. Not all have succeeded but in the true spirit of fen-land entrepreneurship, I have not let that hold back the floodgates of innovation.
Our latest endeavour is a company merchandising high quality colourfast dyes. I urge you to invest for the long term. This is a company with plenty of stain power.
Grasping the Nettle
Sunday, 30 Apr 2017, 21:04
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As a child I was often stung by nettles, but I never grasped one on purpose.
Tonight, walking home, I found my way blocked by a car drawn across the pavement. Perhaps the driver didn't know about prams, wheelchairs, people with walking sticks, I don't know who else.
But maybe the driver was a sort of Gwendolen Fairfax, declaring "I am glad to say I have never stepped on a pavement".
What could I do to protest?
I looked around.
Luckily I saw some very vigorous nettles growing very close. So I grasped them, pulled some up, and strewed them on the windscreen.
Did it hurt? Yes, but it was a good kind of hurt.
Awful English Fictionary - Illustrated Edition
Sunday, 30 Apr 2017, 15:02
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Our AEF is planning a new edition, this time with illustrations. A couple of example daffynitions...
petrol, n.
A list of household animals, such as cats, dogs, etc.
limpet, n.
An extremely relaxed pet.
One Liner
Saturday, 29 Apr 2017, 19:34
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Edited by Richard Walker, Saturday, 29 Apr 2017, 19:34
My dog, sheesh! Into everything! Such a nosy barker.
One Liner
Friday, 28 Apr 2017, 01:44
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People tend to assume all Transylvanian aristocrats are vampires. That's wrong on so many counts.
One Liner
Friday, 28 Apr 2017, 01:31
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Edited by Richard Walker, Friday, 28 Apr 2017, 01:41
Forged coins. I think they should be stamped out.
Triple furze
Thursday, 27 Apr 2017, 00:08
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Whin I took my botany gorse I got a furze class degree.
One liner
Wednesday, 26 Apr 2017, 23:57
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Trousers of the world, turn out your pockets! You have nothing to lose but your change!
Rich food
Wednesday, 26 Apr 2017, 23:49
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I hate dining with Croesus.
You can't see food properly,
On gold plates.
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