Personal Blogs

I'm sure you know the story of the Princess and the Pea.

The plot is something along the lines of the Princess proving she was one (a Princess) or qualified to be one, by showing exquisite sensitivity to a single pea in her bed. Twenty mattresses AND twenty feather-beds, piled one on another and she could STILL feel the pea, through all forty layers of bedding. One tiny pea. There's breeding for you.

Well last night I was snacking on pistachio nuts. In bed. I fell asleep and when I got up found I’d  dropped a pistachio and been sleeping on it all night long. NO mattresses or feather beds between me and the pistachio, but I never noticed a thing. So I am at completely the opposite end of the sensitivity spectrum from the Princess. Not royal material at all.

Maybe I’ll try with a tennis ball.

“Let’s just amputate”, said Tom offhandedly.

All the kids loved the sheep dog trials. Except Polly.

She kicked a shepherd's collie.

All the kids loved the Vatican Chapel. Except Zoe.

She said the ceiling seemed too showy.

“Do you fancy a quick cuppa?” asked Tom Swifty.

I've started an otter sanctuary. So far it’s going swimmingly.

There's many waiter jokes, mostly about flies, and they go back to the 1800s. But most are not so very funny, as in this famous example

Diner: "Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!" Waiter: "Don't worry Sir, there's a spider on the bread roll."

[Edited to make it funnier than original.]

However I found this on a website of Victorian jokes, and it seems superior.

Diner: "Waiter, there's a button in my soup!" Waiter: "Don't worry Sir, it's part of the dressing."

William, in a fit of glee

Put strychnine in his sister's tea.

His parents thought this rather funny.

But still, they stopped his pocket money.

Did anyone do any weeding

In the Garden of Eden?

From what I've read in the Bible

The garden wasn't very viable.

And as soon as anyone tried the fruit

They got told to scoot.

Beg your pardon;

But is that any way to run a garden?

When Father heard the servants whine, 

He made them work down the mine.

Smirking, as he heard them cough, it's

A blessing in disguise for profits.

"This child has suffered from lack of soft toys", Dr Tom noted.