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Richard Walker

L'Embarcation

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I waved. You waved.You waved to me.

I knew it then, but still went off to sea.


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Richard Walker

Haiku of Summer

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summer's like that poem

you loved back then

but never truly understood

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Richard Walker

The La Rose

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Edited by Richard Walker, Tuesday, 29 Aug 2017, 23:43

Do not weep for your frail roses. come

Come away with us now.

To our crystallised world

Where flowers live for millennia. come 

Where the pain will be slowed. come

   

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Richard Walker

Spoonerism

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Yesterday the Rev. Spooner was evicted from a tatami shop, for describing what they sold as "only rats and mice".

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Richard Walker

One Liner

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Edited by Richard Walker, Monday, 28 Aug 2017, 23:47

It's a tradition in our family that none of us eat coley on the last Monday in August. We call it "ban coley day".

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Richard Walker

Nights Out

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Fill in each of the blanks below.

We went out drinking with the people from the local 

  • china shop. Well, we got ___ ed.
  • supermarket. Well, we got ___ ed.
  • salvage firm. Well, we got ___ ed.
  • snooker hallWell, we got ___ ed.
  • calculator shop. Well, we got ___ ed.


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Richard Walker

Tom Swifty

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Edited by Richard Walker, Saturday, 26 Aug 2017, 22:06

"I had the outside toilet removed", Tom said luridly.

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Richard Walker

Playground Joke

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Q. Which mountain is best in a quiz?

A. Mt. Cleverest

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Richard Walker

The mysterious origins of the word "dog"

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The word is found in Old English, but it's not of Germanic origin, in fact no origin is known. Where "dog" occurs in other languages it's borrowed from English, describing types or breeds of dog, in the same way we have dachshund or Irish wolfhound.

Of course we also retain the Germanic word "hound" which is used in some contexts, but most of the time a dog is a dog is a dog.

There are several words from Old English that

  • End in "G"
  • Have unexplained origins 
  • Refer to animals

Think of "frog", "hog", "pig", and "earwig".

As an aside, "hound" is from the same origins as Ancient Greek "kynos", and Latin "canis". And "kynos" is where Diogenes and the "dog philosophers", the Cynics, took their name from.


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Richard Walker

One Liner

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I asked the chef if he could do me 100 pancakes, all piled on top of one another. He said he'd try, but it'd be a tall order.

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Richard Walker

Epitaph for a Crime Novellist

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Edited by Richard Walker, Thursday, 24 Aug 2017, 22:13

Hugh dunnit?

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Richard Walker

Goldie Losh ana Bearsh

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Hey, hey, good Bruin!

What cha' got doing?

How's about brewin something up for me?

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Richard Walker

The Journey to the East

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Where I shall go,

I cannot know.

What I shall be,

I cannot see.

How I shall travel,

I cannot unravel.

Why I shall go away,

I cannot say.

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Richard Walker

Epitaph of a Pessimist

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Womb.

Gloom.

Doom.

Tomb.

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Richard Walker

Tom Swifty

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Edited by Richard Walker, Tuesday, 22 Aug 2017, 21:42

"So, have you ever seen the Aurora Borealis?", asked Tom politely.


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Richard Walker

Course of Justice

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Edited by Richard Walker, Tuesday, 22 Aug 2017, 21:07

The inquest was headed in the wrong direction. Then we turned a coroner.

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Richard Walker

One Liner

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I was made redundant. Before that I'd just been dundant.

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Richard Walker

Two Playground Jokes

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Q1. What kind of cheese gives you wind?

?

Q2. What sort of cake would an aristocratic part in a historical drama be?

?

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Richard Walker

Old Mortality

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Edited by Richard Walker, Monday, 21 Aug 2017, 02:59

"Can we forever live", came then the cries.

"Of course, of course my dears", soothed the replies.

"We simply wait for more supplies,

Of the Elixir of Lies."


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Richard Walker

Sunset Hideaway

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She knew my name!

My cheeks were aflame.

But sunset crushes

All our blushes.

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Richard Walker

John Milton

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You may have read in the press, that newly published letters reveal the poet John Milton travelled to Florence, and while there met the great Galileo.

Other documents, recently discovered, point to Milton having been an addictive gambler during his time in Italy. Apparently he always carried the necessary equipment with him, but was often careless with it. In a typical entry from his diary, he wrote

Pair of dice, lost.

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Richard Walker

Lady Mondegreen

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Don't cry for me, I'll be seeing ya.

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Richard Walker

Not a lot of people know this

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Edited by Richard Walker, Saturday, 19 Aug 2017, 23:37

After successfully leading all the rats (and as a presumably unintentional side effect, children) out of Hamelin, the Pied Piper was recruited by West-Of-England farmers to do something similar with badgers.

You seldom hear about this though, because it was somewhat of a culled following.

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Richard Walker

Why did the apple cross the road

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?

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Richard Walker

One Liner

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My cousin, the historian, has just written an article challenging the whole concept of the medieval castle. Apparently it's quite fort provoking.

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