Personal Blogs

Just got back from a winter holiday in France.  This is the first time that I have been to France, since I started studying French formally.  It was good to test my progress and I found myself more confident in my brief interactions in cafes and restaurants.  It was not a case of knowing more words or understanding more grammar, but the result of focussing on a language on a daily basis and practising regularly so it is easier to speak and use the words.

Visiting outside of the tourist season means that overheard conversations are more likely to be in French rather than English and to my pleasant surprise, I recognised more words in conversations.  I also started reading a French paperback (aimed at young adults so not that complicated) and managed a chapter a day which I consider to be quite fast for me reading in French.

At the end of the week, I had my biggest test.  I was given the wrong change in a service station and I had to go back to the cashier and explain.  I hate dealing with this kind of situation when I'm speaking English and to do it in another language filled me with dread.  After a deep breath and a moment of doubt, I spoke up and got the right change.  It seems like such a minor thing, but a year ago, it wouldn't have mattered that I knew the words I needed, I wouldn't have been able to do it.

The moment of truth has arrived.  I have my course books and the website will be available later this week.   At that point I will be able to see my assignments for the next year.   Two speaking assignments, two written assignments and an exam.  I am terrified of the spoken ones, as I am worried about my pronunciation, about sounding awkward as if I am reading, or having long pauses while I gather the words in my head.  The writing shouldn’t be so hard, but I am finding it hard to write coherently in another language.  The sentences are clumsy and awkward like a five year old’s first story.

I’m not even thinking about the exam.  I still have terrible memories of oral French exam at school.  Complete emptiness inside my head, I probably couldn’t have answered questions in English, let alone French. 

I’m starting to wonder why I am doing this to myself.  I have always thought that I am good at languages.  I pick up words easily and grammar fits into to my head without too much pain.  But somehow there is a gap between playing with a language and using it for real, which I find incredibly daunting.

The opposite of success is not failure; the opposite of success is not trying. So here's to all of us starting to learn a new language this autumn and to success in all its different forms.