Personal Blogs

After a thoroughly rotten couple of months, I'm happy to report that I performed in my first ever musical last week (Disney's The Little Mermaid), and feel much better for it! I'd never had the confidence to try amdram, but my friend Ami encouraged me to join her and audition, and I'm eternally glad I did. What a lovely little family I've found in this talented and welcoming cast 🥰 We received a great response in the theatre, and at the meet and greets afterwards! 

I mentioned previously that I chose to audition for TLM over Evita as it was a smaller part - I ended up being a maid in multiple scenes in act 2, a human princess, a fish spinning green poi for under the sea, and singing various harmonies and other bits and pieces in several other songs, in addition to my mersister songs! Arista was obviously my favourite, with a beautiful red mermaid tail and long, elaborately styled auburn hair (her hair colour was changed to suit me better, vs matching the cartoon exactly). I hope this is only the beginning of my theatrical adventures, because I've thoroughly enjoyed this experience! 

I had a freak accident about 3 weeks before the show during aerial training - the professionals I've seen believe I fractured a rib. I've had to stop my aerial acrobatics training and drop out of my March competition as a result - I'm frustrated, but perhaps this is my body forcing me to slow down as I'd definitely taken on too much this year. I'm pleased to have survived the show in spite of the injury, and that I managed most of the choreography as well.

It has been very intense, rehearsing for TLM alongside full time work, DE300, and another show I successfully auditioned for in January! The Basingstoke Amateur Theatrical Society is doing a revue in May, after my final project report is handed in. As well as being in the ensemble for songs ranging from Somebody to Love to Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, I'm playing Cosette in the finale song, "One Day More" from Les Misérables - it's my favourite musical and a dream role, even if only for a song! 

I'm excited to see what projects the future might bring. In some ways I'm sad that it's taken me nearly 36 years to find the confidence to do this - but at least I'm here now. And it's given me just the boost I needed to keep on plodding with DE300. My research proposal has been approved, and once my final coding edits are accepted I can finally begin data collection. Wish me luck. Just a few more months to go.

I cried when I finally got my grade for DD310. Really cried. Bawled! My last module before this began in 2018, so it had been a long old time since I had studied with the OU, and I was nervous for level 3. My TMA grades weren't *quite* as high as they usually are, so I really needed to knock it out of the park on my EMA to have any hope of a distinction overall for the year. I'm thrilled to report that I did! 😁😁😁 I've now achieved distinctions in all of level 2 and half of level 3 - I only need a 2:2 for DE300 to achieve a 1st overall!!! I'm obviously going to aim as high as I can anyway, but it's taken SO much pressure off!!

Since my last post, I've:
🥳 Passed my 3rd exam (of 4 total) for my BCS International Diploma in Business Analysis!
🥳 Rehabilitated my poor torn hip flexor!
🥳 Competed in the UK Aerial Performance Championship in April, despite the above injury (I won my regional round!)
🥳 Performed at a showcase in Newbury in April
🥳 Been on a HUGE weekend-long train-a-thon at the Manchester Aerial and Acrobatics Convention (also in April - so much for easing back in lol) and tried several new disciplines!
🥳 Performed in the Aerial Authentics Competition in Wigan in May, where I came 2nd (and brought home some chains to play on!)
🥳 Performed on aerial hoop at my own work party (nerve-wracking in front of all of my colleagues!) in June
🥳 Participated in a few more aerial photoshoots, including a paid photography workshop in a hideous heatwave!
🥳 Performed on the Moon Lyra for the first time in July, and thoroughly enjoyed it!
🥳 Finally found my way back to singing in front of people again - just at karaoke for now, but I'm putting a band together, and have the local amateur operatic society asking me to join and audition for a production of Evita!
🥳 Been formally diagnosed autistic/ADHD, after a long journey involving 2 psychiatrists and a neurocognitive psychologist.

Life has been absolutely crazy and it has been pretty overwhelming at times. But I'm really proud of everything that I've achieved, and hope I can have a really good year and finally, FINALLY graduate 👩🏻‍🎓

My first attempt at university began in September 2008. It has been such a long road to get just to this point, and I can't believe that the end is finally in sight. That I'm finally achieving things I dreamed of decades ago. Academically. Personally. Artistically. Things are coming together✨

I went to the first tutorial of the academic year - a day school which introduced the topics in the first text book for DD210. I am particularly looking forward to block 2, which I am about to move on to (as I'm a little ahead). The block 1 talk was a useful recap of the work I've already done (as I've just finished week 5), and I was able to correct a point about the diagnosis of psychopathy not being self-assessed but rather being a clinical judgement made by a psychiatrist based on Bob Hare's 20 point checklist (I really enjoyed week 4, which was all about psychopathy and autism, can you tell!?).

I have decided not to start TMA01 until I've done the online tutorial for it (saves me getting it wrong and re-writing it after the tutorial!) so I'm just going to continue ahead with the reading and online material for block 2 and come back to TMA01 later

On a completely unrelated note, I just read a lovely comment on an OU facebook group and it really resonated with me, so I wanted to record it here:

"I read a book about medical practice early in the Great War. A senior surgeon went to the field hospitals at his own expense to help out. While the younger surgeons rattled through dozens of operations a day, whipping off limbs willy-nilly, this older chap only managed 2 or 3 operations each day.

After some miserable weeks he confessed to his colleagues he would have to return home as he wasn't up to it. He was told "You are doing the cases we don't know how to do and have not the time to attempt. You are saving the men we would leave to die. We cannot let you go."

Even experienced people saving lives feel the way you do in a new environment. If you weren't there, none of your work would be done."

New challenges, new topics, new environments and new people can all be challenging. That isn't bad, the experience isn't unique, and it doesn't mean that you don't belong there. A researcher in one of the week 5 videos put it nicely, that everything you do changes the world, and also your understanding of it. So just keep acting, learning, growing, understanding. And eventually a world that feels alien and intimidating may eventually become a world you feel confident and competent in

I know I'm a student as I sit here at my laptop participating in an online tutorial, but there's just something more student-y about going to lectures with other students, isn't there? I went to Warwick for the DE100 consolidation weekend and had a really good time with the other students and professors there! I learned a lot and got to meet a lot of really lovely people from all over the UK, including students working on stages 1, 2 and 3. If you're considering going to one of these events I would wholeheartedly recommend it!!

I started to see where I could go with my studies, developed some new aims and ambitions, made some contacts, and am even working on an idea that I want to investigate just out of personal interest. Once I'm all done with my modules for this year I think I will run a little pilot (assuming I get the appropriate permissions) in order to apply my new learning I have more direction, more confidence, and more enthusiasm (even for methods and statistics, which I was a little intimidated by at first!), so a big thank you to the organisers, to the new friends I've made, and especially to the lecturers!

I've also realised that the end of January marks the half-way point!! I'm halfway through year 1 already. Hopefully the second half will go as well as the first half! :D

Hello again I've had 3 assignments back now - two for DD102 and one for DE100! I'm happy to report that I've passed everything so far and actually got some really good results! For my 2nd TMA for DD102 I scored 95%, which I was absolutely over the moon about :D I just submitted TMA02 for DE100 (due Dec 20th) and I've written my first draft of TMA 03 for DD102 (due Jan 12th). I'm 2 months in and I'm still managing to keep on top of the dual module situation, it's going well

Honestly it's pretty intense but it is interesting as well, and very relatable to aspects of my work and other everyday experiences. I've managed to get to several face-to-face tutorials which have been good fun and very useful - I feel a bit less of a lone student when I'm at a tutorial! My tutors for both modules have given detailed feedback on my TMAs as well, which I'm hoping will help me to keep achieving well on the assignments.

I've decided which optional courses I want to do for 2nd stage and (being the eager beaver I am) I've bought the course books second hand off students who've recently finished them. In the gap between stage 1 and stage 2 (there's a long old summer break!) I'm hoping to get a head start on reading the books, so that I have an easier time when I get into it for real.

I'm still undecided on whether to attempt all of stage 2 in a year, I worry I might burn out if I try to do 2 consecutive years of full time study and full time work. Unfortunately none of the modules I want to do have a February start so I either have to go for everything at once or take an extra year to do it. If I make good progress with the books I've picked up I'll be in a much stronger position to try it at least. I still have a good few months to think about it. We'll see.

Since my last post I have been allocated a tutor for DD102, and both of my tutors have been in touch with me. They both seem really nice, and have been very helpful in the midst of the tutorial chaos - I have tutorial dates in my diary for both modules (even though I can't book onto them on the system) so I have my life relatively organised for the next 2 months! :D

I have written and submitted TMA01 for DD102, and I've written a draft of TMA01 for DE100 (I'm going to hold fire until after the tutorial on 10/10 before submitting it, just to make sure I'm on track). I've written a draft of TMA02 for DD102 and hoping to get a draft of TMA02 done for DE100 by the end of October so that I can stay ahead.

Just because I think it'd be interesting to see if this changes over time, I've looked ahead at the stage 2 and 3 modules to see what I might like to do. At this moment in time... I think for my free choice modules I'd like to do D240 (Counselling: exploring fear and sadness) & SDK228 (The science of the mind: investigating mental health) for stage 2, and then DD310 (Counselling and forensic psychology: investigating crime and therapy) for stage 3. I have read a little about the biopsychosocial model before and would like to learn more about it, and I feel that the counselling and forensic elements would be useful to me at work I'm wondering whether I can manage to do all 3 stages in a year per stage? I'll have a conversation with my tutors about it towards the end of stage 1 and see how well I'm coping by then!

After my last post, I joined a Facebook group for students on my module (DD102 - Introducing the Social Sciences). I found that quite a lot of them were studying full time in spite of working full time. "It must be possible, then," I thought. Some of them have kids and work full time, and are still doing 2 modules!

So I bit the bullet on the final deadline for enrolling on October modules. I added DE100 to the mix. I kind of wish I'd done it earlier because now I have no idea how long it will take for them to post out the course materials, and may hold me up in getting a tutor. But that's okay, I'll keep steaming ahead with DD102 so that when everything arrives I won't have trouble keeping up.

I officially start 2 weeks today, so I'm technically already ahead of schedule anyway. My wall calendar doesn't have enough stickers for all my assignments etc now that I have 2 modules, so I've created my own system to track them using different colours for the different subjects. I have no tutorials booked yet but when I do, they'll also be colour coded according to which subject they're for. I'm tracking my module progress on paper as well, so that I have a constant visual reminder of where I'm at and the progress I've made. Perhaps it will motivate me to work harder

"Failure is only the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently." - Henry Ford

Life has been a confusing mess of wholly unpredictable experiences thus far. I'm loath to make long-term plans or have long-term goals as I feel like every time I do, the rug is sharply pulled from under my feet and I end up back at the start. With nothing left to do, but...

Dust myself off. Begin again. 

And yet here I am, 28 years old, and tentatively agreeing with myself that I'm finally going to do it. I'm going to do the degree in Psychology that I've been contemplating for several years now. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't apprehensive about it. And honestly I don't have the confidence to think about what I'll do with it, what I'll do next. 

Not yet. At least, not beyond this vague aim -

I hope to take all of the adventures and misadventures that have led me to this point, and make something meaningful out of them. To learn to understand myself, to understand others. To make something good out of everything bad. To create my own silver linings as I come to terms with the experiences I've had. To eventually help others to do the same.