Caught in Destiny's Headlamps,
I froze.
Personal Blogs
Half a Haiku
Friday, 12 May 2017, 23:16
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Purple Goat's-Beard
Thursday, 11 May 2017, 23:14
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This is Salsify, also called "Purple Goat's-Beard" (which makes sense if you look at the spiky bits around the petals, although these don't show up well in my photo).
It's also (apparently) called "Go to bed at noon", but the first element sounds awfully like a Mondegreen, on "goat's-beard", one which has evolved into a folk-name for the plant.
I found these beauties today in Milton Keynes, on a verge. Milton Keynes is good for wildflowers, because there are many quite
extensive flower habitats, and lots of green space managed in a thoughtful
way.
Although I'm good(ish) on British wildflowers I didn't know what this was until looking it up, but I instantly thought it was very striking and elegant. Some of the sources I looked at said it flowers in June: but here we are, not halfway through May, and a plant from the south is blooming early.
Salsify is a foreigner, that has made its way up from the Mediterranean, with the help of kitchen-gardeners and cooks. The root is claimed to taste like oysters. For recipes see
https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/glossary/salsify
This plant was written about by Pliny the Elder (who died as a result of the eruption that smothered Pompeii) and described by Dioscorides as good for some of the internal organs.These flowers were so beautiful I would never think of digging up the roots.
Blue Moon
Wednesday, 10 May 2017, 22:45
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In recent days a blue moon has been seen in Beijing.
Long ago and far away, I saw a blue moon. I was travelling over mountains, in a bus, at night. We had heard that far to our east a famous volcano was erupting. We could not see the eruption itself, but when the moon rose over the eastern mountains it was blue, very approximately the colour of faded denim. Everyone was moonstruck (you might say), but we quickly understood we were seeing the moon through the dust plume of the volcano.
The effect arises from dust particles of a particular size that must be rare in the atmosphere, otherwise we'd all see blue moons regularly. In Beijing the dust must have been blown by the wind from deserts to the north.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ntDnwBiORu8
Playground joke
Wednesday, 10 May 2017, 20:46
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What sort of cabin does a porter live in?
Awful Illustrated Fictionary
Monday, 8 May 2017, 22:44
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More from the AEF's illustrated edition.
posture, n.
A space where animals graze.
kettle, n.pl.
Animals of various species that graze on postures.
Mondegreen collected in the field
Monday, 8 May 2017, 20:38
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He watches it on his wife's green tv.
Hamlet's Cat
Saturday, 6 May 2017, 01:14
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I was queuing for Eternity
Saturday, 6 May 2017, 01:05
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I was queuing for Eternity,
When someone grabbed my place.
I thought it rather rude of them,
But did not grudge the space.
Captain to Crew
Friday, 5 May 2017, 22:56
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Edited by Richard Walker, Friday, 5 May 2017, 22:57
I am Captain of this boat.
Without me it wouldn't float.
Schrödinger's Chicken
Friday, 5 May 2017, 20:56
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Edited by Richard Walker, Friday, 5 May 2017, 20:57
Has it crossed the road. Or not?
One Liner
Thursday, 4 May 2017, 20:56
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Procrastination. It's not something you can put off.
Doctor, Doctor
Thursday, 4 May 2017, 20:18
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"Doctor, Doctor, I keep having this weird idea that I'm a piece of awkward luggage." The doctor said, "Nothing to worry about. I get a lot of these difficult cases."
Epitaph for a Chronically Unpunctual Person
Wednesday, 3 May 2017, 16:13
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Please accept my apologies for lateness.
More from the AEF
Tuesday, 2 May 2017, 18:09
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triptych, n.
Been there, done that.
diptych, n.
Measuring rod.
Birdsong
Monday, 1 May 2017, 20:24
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That's my adrenaline thrush.
Who sings his heart out at the break of day.
And in the evening lulls my heart to sleep.
I went to the Doctor
Monday, 1 May 2017, 03:10
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I went to the doctor. Before I could even speak he begged, "Please, please no more. I don't want to know if you think you are almonds, brazils and cashews."
The Time Traveller's Lamentation
Monday, 1 May 2017, 02:58
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From the clockpit of my craft
I see enternity stretch fore and aft.
The Picnic
Sunday, 30 Apr 2017, 23:10
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Edited by Richard Walker, Monday, 1 May 2017, 03:00
Of all the animals at the picnic the bears were the most intoxicated. Everyone sensed trouble was bruin.
I went to the Doctor
Sunday, 30 Apr 2017, 22:22
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I went to the doctor. "Doctor," I said, "Help me!" I think I'm a packet of biscuits and I'm going to be eaten with cheese." The doctor said: "You're crackers."
One Liner
Sunday, 30 Apr 2017, 21:53
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I went to the doctor: "Doctor, doctor, every night I dream that my family are all flying mammals." The doctor shrugged. "You're bats."
Investment Opportunity
Sunday, 30 Apr 2017, 21:34
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Regular readers will know I have many start-ups to my credit. Not all have succeeded but in the true spirit of fen-land entrepreneurship, I have not let that hold back the floodgates of innovation.
Our latest endeavour is a company merchandising high quality colourfast dyes. I urge you to invest for the long term. This is a company with plenty of stain power.
Grasping the Nettle
Sunday, 30 Apr 2017, 21:04
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As a child I was often stung by nettles, but I never grasped one on purpose.
Tonight, walking home, I found my way blocked by a car drawn across the pavement. Perhaps the driver didn't know about prams, wheelchairs, people with walking sticks, I don't know who else.
But maybe the driver was a sort of Gwendolen Fairfax, declaring "I am glad to say I have never stepped on a pavement".
What could I do to protest?
I looked around.
Luckily I saw some very vigorous nettles growing very close. So I grasped them, pulled some up, and strewed them on the windscreen.
Did it hurt? Yes, but it was a good kind of hurt.
Awful English Fictionary - Illustrated Edition
Sunday, 30 Apr 2017, 15:02
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Our AEF is planning a new edition, this time with illustrations. A couple of example daffynitions...
petrol, n.
A list of household animals, such as cats, dogs, etc.
limpet, n.
An extremely relaxed pet.
One Liner
Saturday, 29 Apr 2017, 19:34
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Edited by Richard Walker, Saturday, 29 Apr 2017, 19:34
My dog, sheesh! Into everything! Such a nosy barker.
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