A Tom Swify One Liner combines a classic Tom Swifty with a short witticism.
For example:
“I’ve seen my fair share of inequality”, said Tom evenly.
“You can break eggs without making omelets”, Tom cracked.
Personal Blogs
Tom Swifty One Liner
Sunday, 1 Apr 2018, 13:35
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Belle the Cat
Sunday, 1 Apr 2018, 01:31
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Edited by Richard Walker, Sunday, 1 Apr 2018, 01:33
Looking for amusing animal names the other day, I remembered Shaun the Sheep, and Attila the Hen. After torturing my brains a bit they (my brains, not Shaun or Attila) finally came up with Vlad the Impala, and then in a sudden rush, Belle the Cat.
But then I realised I had absolutely no idea at all what the expression “Bell the Cat” meant. Not a clue.
It turns out it’s a fable. Occasionally it’s been suggested it goes back to Aesop, but it seems this isn't so, and the earliest record of it is from the 16c or 17c. The story goes like this.
One day the mice called a meeting to debate what they could do about a cat that was hunting them. A young and innovatory mouse came up with a really bright idea. “Let's hang a bell round the cat's neck”, he said modestly, “and then we shall be able to hear her coming, and run away”.
(You can see the utter brilliance of this suggestion, and of course many cat owners of today put collars with bells on their cats, precisely so birds will be warned by the cat’s approach.)
The mice gasped. At a stroke they could be free from fear. Cheers rang out!
But then an old and rather grumpy mouse piped up. “All very well”, she said, “but who will put the bell on the cat? It's not a job I’d fancy.”
And neither did anyone else.
One Liner
Saturday, 31 Mar 2018, 22:19
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Edited by Richard Walker, Sunday, 1 Apr 2018, 00:46
Goliath. Was he just a Gentile giant?
One Liner
Friday, 30 Mar 2018, 23:22
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Infinity. Now there's a big idea.
From an Xmas Cracker
Thursday, 29 Mar 2018, 23:21
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What do call a lizard that gets up on stage and changes colour?
A. A stand-up chameleon!
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Q. What do call a lizard that gets up on stage and changes colour?
A. A stand-up chameleon!
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Playground Humour
Thursday, 29 Mar 2018, 01:02
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Q. What do you call a cross between Count Dracula and an antelope?
A. Vlad the impala!
One Liner
Wednesday, 28 Mar 2018, 23:20
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It's no joke being a comedian.
A Poem after Poe
Sunday, 25 Mar 2018, 23:09
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Edited by Richard Walker, Sunday, 25 Mar 2018, 23:10
Once upon a morning gloomy, while I lay there, sad and doomy,
Over many an odd article published in the press the day before—
While I was blinking, scarcely thinking, suddenly there came a clanging,
As of a postman on my doorbell hanging, on my knocker banging, banging.
"Tis Amazon delivery", I said, "I hope they'll put it in the shed".
But sadly it was left next door.
Over many an odd article published in the press the day before—
While I was blinking, scarcely thinking, suddenly there came a clanging,
As of a postman on my doorbell hanging, on my knocker banging, banging.
"Tis Amazon delivery", I said, "I hope they'll put it in the shed".
But sadly it was left next door.
Meal Times ???
Sunday, 25 Mar 2018, 21:47
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Edited by Richard Walker, Sunday, 25 Mar 2018, 21:58
I suppose that ancestrally we only ate if we could: and what, and where, and when we could.
So are regular mealtimes ('Breakfast is the most important meal of the day') essential to health? It doesn't work for me.
"Just askin'," as William said.
All comments welcome!
So are regular mealtimes ('Breakfast is the most important meal of the day') essential to health? It doesn't work for me.
"Just askin'," as William said.
All comments welcome!
New blog post
Saturday, 24 Mar 2018, 23:04
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Does anyone know
Why rooks and crows just go 'Caw'.
When according to Edgar Allen Poe
The raven quoth 'Nevermore'.
Tom Swifty
Saturday, 24 Mar 2018, 21:29
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"Whatever you may think, being an undertaker is a noble profession", said Tom stiffly.
What Do You Call a Woman with Such Lovely Headgear...
Thursday, 22 Mar 2018, 20:27
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Erin!
Nonsense Verse
Tuesday, 20 Mar 2018, 21:49
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There were two birds sat on a twig.
One was small, the other big.
One was thin, the other fat.
And there they sat, and sat, and sat.
Last Night...
Monday, 19 Mar 2018, 21:48
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Last night I visited a skewniverse
Where all the snowflakes have seven sides.
Who could ask for anything less?
Spring Umbrella Haiku
Monday, 19 Mar 2018, 00:45
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It was Spring so my umbrella
flapping up
Kept on and down again
Little Willie
Sunday, 18 Mar 2018, 23:16
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When Little Willie knew his parents slept,
Into their cosy room he crept,
And placed electrodes on their toes.
All in the cause of Science; I suppose.
Playground Joke
Sunday, 18 Mar 2018, 22:16
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Q. What's the difference between a feather duvet and a wombat?
A. One is down over and the other is down under.
Old Man's Thought
Sunday, 18 Mar 2018, 22:04
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Today
Shaking the snow from my head
Who noticed?
Shaking the snow from my head
Who noticed?
What's the difference?
Friday, 16 Mar 2018, 01:46
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What's the difference between government economic policy and a grassy meadow?
The first is definitely austerity but the second is definitely horse territory.
Ironic Pigs Joke
Friday, 16 Mar 2018, 00:58
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Q. Why are ironic pigs like an Asian alcoholic drink?
A. Because they are wry swine.
Playground Joke
Thursday, 15 Mar 2018, 22:22
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Q. Why did the Oyster feel run down?
A. Because of low shell fish steam!
~ An Auctioneer's Last Words ~
Wednesday, 14 Mar 2018, 01:56
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Going, going,...
What Do You Call...
Tuesday, 13 Mar 2018, 21:26
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Edited by Richard Walker, Tuesday, 13 Mar 2018, 21:27
Hugh!
Surprise Haiku
Tuesday, 13 Mar 2018, 21:19
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Late last night a knock
With beating heart, I opened the door.
New Dictionary
Monday, 12 Mar 2018, 01:04
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I'm compiling a new dictionary, of well known phrases brought up to date.
For example
Many are bold, but few are brazen.
More to come.
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