If you're an old Viking,
Who can't afford a ship.
Don't worry.
We'll all be washed out to sea in the end.
Personal Blogs
From the AEF
Wednesday 19 April 2017 at 21:34
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Edited by Richard Walker, Wednesday 19 April 2017 at 21:40
inherited, n.
A soft toy passed down by forebears.
counsellor, n.
A blood bank, esp. in Transylvania.
I went to the Doctor
Tuesday 18 April 2017 at 23:24
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"Doctor", I said, "Tell me the worst." I waited.
"Vell" she began. Did I tell you she has a rather sexy German accent, a bit like Marlene Dietrich? Anyway, she does. Husky.
She went on, "It's never easy." It sounded bad but I tried to keep calm.
"You murst...", that's the way she talks, I'm not making it up.
"You murst cut down on sausages."
I went to the Doctor
Monday 17 April 2017 at 22:52
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I went to the doctor, I said "I keep dreaming I'm a world-famous cricketer." He said, "We'll have to run some tests."
Cheese Joke
Monday 17 April 2017 at 20:05
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What kind of cheese lands you in the guardhouse?
Advisin Emma
Monday 17 April 2017 at 19:48
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"Emma", I said. "Do try to be less self-centered."
"Em, Em, Em. It's always about Me."
Not made up
Monday 17 April 2017 at 18:10
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Apparently in Oregon qualifying seniors can get a discount at Dunkin' Donuts. What I want to know is, do you have to show an Oregon donut card?
I went to the Doctor
Monday 17 April 2017 at 17:43
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Edited by Richard Walker, Monday 17 April 2017 at 17:45
I kept hearing this buzzing. I went to the Doctor, I said, "Is it tinnitus?" He said, "No, you've got hives."
I went to the Doctor
Monday 17 April 2017 at 11:10
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Edited by Richard Walker, Monday 17 April 2017 at 17:36
I went to the doctor, I said ”I keep thinking I'm the Moon." He said, "We all go through these phases."
Phew!
Monday 17 April 2017 at 01:12
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I was arrested for coffee theft. But the police didn't have sufficient grounds for a prosecution.
Latest words in the Awful English Fictionary
Sunday 16 April 2017 at 21:21
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vagrant, n.
A confused complaint.
inversion, n.
A currently fashionable interpretation.
New Band
Sunday 16 April 2017 at 21:13
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After a long break from music, I've founded a new band, The Cheese Shop Boys.
Look out for our debut single, You Were Always on My Rind.
Clerihew
Sunday 16 April 2017 at 01:51
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Sir Francis Drake
Was eating some hake.
When he made up his minde
To sail round the world in the Golden Hinde.
For Springs
Sunday 16 April 2017 at 01:04
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Now is the time
When all our springs need a good clean
Especially if they are rusty
Or just playing dirty, as they do.
And if they look wound up
They might need watching
In case they uncoil
From the intoxication of being oiled.
And we must take good care
They aren't forcibly compressed
As spring washers, who over and over
See Time clean and unclean her bloodied paws.
When all our springs need a good clean
Especially if they are rusty
Or just playing dirty, as they do.
And if they look wound up
They might need watching
In case they uncoil
From the intoxication of being oiled.
And we must take good care
They aren't forcibly compressed
As spring washers, who over and over
See Time clean and unclean her bloodied paws.
Dear Auntie
Saturday 15 April 2017 at 20:50
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Dear Auntie,
As I grow older I feel increasingly anxious. Should I worry about this?
One Liner
Saturday 15 April 2017 at 20:06
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I was accused of stealing building materials. But there was no concrete evidence.
It pays to advertise
Saturday 15 April 2017 at 00:45
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Edited by Richard Walker, Saturday 15 April 2017 at 00:50
Business stuck? Why not place an ad here?
Haiku for Spring Rain
Friday 14 April 2017 at 21:47
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Edited by Richard Walker, Friday 14 April 2017 at 21:48
Walking home
Alone in the rain, I smelled.
Wet clothes. So I exist.
Fenland memories
Thursday 13 April 2017 at 22:24
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It only took one barley sugar to get Gran going and then her warmth filled the room. That's what you find with confection eaters.
A joke from a fool
Monday 10 April 2017 at 00:45
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Three men were sitting on a park bench. Which one was the king?
Bright Star Haiku
Sunday 9 April 2017 at 22:33
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Edited by Richard Walker, Sunday 9 April 2017 at 22:40
When I felt those bright stars
They were so warm.
They glowed but they could only ask.
If another angel of intelligence
Could explain the strangeness of starriness.
Running dry
Friday 7 April 2017 at 20:26
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I won't say it again. Pull over at the next garage, fuel stop!
.
Friday 7 April 2017 at 20:13
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Edited by Richard Walker, Friday 7 April 2017 at 20:33
I can't stand unfinished sentences. I'm determined to put a stop to them.
One Liner
Thursday 6 April 2017 at 23:22
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My firm installs lifts. Business, hmm, it's up and down.
One Liner
Thursday 6 April 2017 at 23:19
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Edited by Richard Walker, Thursday 6 April 2017 at 23:22
I had a business helping companies with paperwork. Unfortunately it went into administration.
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