"Pet Groom Inn"
Visit our new premises and enjoy a magnificent range of Food & Drink hospitality. Your pet is clipped and cuddled "While We Wait".
At a small extra fee, we would be delighted to provide a precious memento of your pet's grooming experience. Simply ask any of our Team Members about "Video Clips".
I love reading witty names firms give themselves.
Tonight I came across an ad for dog walkers, "Bark and Stride".
What next? Dog groomers called "Hair of the Dog"? Well that one's been taken. So I'll have to think again.
And a jolly good thing too!
I mean, have you actually tried a bed of roses? Don't. I have, and the thorns were blessed sharp, I can tell you. Hardly got a wink all night.
"Wingless insects, you shall never rule the world!", cried Tom defiantly.
With my fingers I can only count up to ten, so I thought I'd add my toes. It turns out I'm totally useless.
Why would someone sell a calculator that can only subtract, multiply, and divide? It just doesn't add up.
I've just been given a calculator that only works with whole numbers. It's pointless if you ask me.
Earworms are tunes that haunt you, night and day, and just won't wriggle off.
My latest is 'Tristesse' – never called that by its composer, and officially titled Chopin, Etude Op.10 No. 3. Here is Horowitz playing it. Of countless recordings, this is still my favorite.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISBKq29aksE
Once I thought I didn't care for Chopin but, as with much in life, time taught me I was wrong.
Chopin died young, but he had a big funeral.
http://www.nytimes.com/2003/04/20/books/chapters/chopins-funeral.html
I believe the music included the start of the Mozart Requiem, and the famous "Funeral March", Chopin's own composition from his B-flat Minor piano concerto.
Afterwards Chopin's heart was taken to Warsaw, where it still is.The story of how it has survived is one that hints the human race may be noble after all.
A while back I was bitten by a dog.
The elderly owners were extremely apologetic, but it wasn't serious and I didn't mind. Not long afterwards they died, leaving a tidy sum to look after the dog, with the stipulation that after the dog's death what remained would come to me, as a reward for being a good sport.
Now the dog has passed away too, and I have inherited the money. So I have become an heir of the dog that bit me.
When Paris met with Helen,
They both liked what they saw.
He whisked her off to Ilium
And caused the Trojan war.
My wine merchant was buried today.
It was very moving as they lowered his coffin into the grave. (Gulp. Gulp).
Inversion: as told down the pub.
Conversion: scam.
Perversion: according to the cat.
Animadversion : as told by Annie when cross.
Eversion: as told in Yorkshire.
If all the world were upside down
And we wore not a stitch
Into the sky our hats would fly
To make the hatters rich.
Diogenes lived in a barrel
And wore very little apparel.
His idea of fun
Was telling Alexander to stand out of the sun.
My teeth started quarrelling. Of course, I told them to stop falling out.
My clothes started quarrelling. Of course, I told them to iron out their differences.
A couple of days ago I glimpsed my first red rainbow.
If the setting sun creates a rainbow, it's likely that the sun's rays will be red, because the blue part of the spectrum will have been scattered by the atmosphere. So we see a red rainbow. It's quite rare because there has to be rain falling in the eastern sky more or less at the moment of sunset in the west.
It was only little bit of the full rainbow but in my photo, taken looking east, you can get an idea of this rare and beautiful sight.
Who would have thought
A young man's veins held so much blood?
Who would have thought
That birds would sing so loud?
Who would have thought
The sun would shine so bright?
Who would have thought
There ever could be a cloud?
Who would have thought
That leaves would fall so fast?
Who could have thought
The wind would blow so cold at last?
And so goodnight.
mucus n.
A feline imprecation.
curse, n.
An opprobrious term for dogs.
When I shook my umbrella,
All the raindrops caught the light.
Where are you now?
Q. What do you say when a pastry goes away?
A. Scone.
Q. How do get a profiterole to go away?
A. Choux pastry!
Surprisingly I found a flint tool in the lane tonight.
Several driveways have just had new gravel put down. This flint must have accidentally got kicked out into the lane. I had absolutely no idea that flint tools can be found in gravel, but it seems it's quite common. People living alongside rivers often dropped or discarded flints that then got rolled down the river with other stones, and collected at a point that centuries later became a gravel pit.
Then it got dug up and carried to near where I live.
Although nothing can exceed a
Glorious Leader,
I wouldn't get out of bed
To be led.
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