“If anyone thinks he is religious without controlling his tongue,
his religion is useless, and he deceives himself.”
James 1: 26, CSB.
Why do people gossip? For some, its simple curiosity, an attempt to piece together another's story. Others gossip to elevate themselves, reasoning that if they can highlight someone else's shortcomings, they’ll somehow appear superior. Some people gossip simply to belong, thinking it will help them fit in with a crowd. For others, it’s even darker—a tool to hurt, to control, or to destroy. Regardless of the reason, each motivation reveals something about the person and, sadly, often drives away true friendships.
James 1:26 in the Bible offers a striking perspective on this: “If anyone thinks he is religious without controlling his tongue, his religion is useless, and he deceives himself.” This isn’t just a suggestion for those in faith communities but a guiding principle for anyone who wishes to live with integrity. The unrestrained tongue, always ready to spark the next bit of scandal or critique, damages not only those it targets but the one who wields it. The cost? Genuine relationships. True friendships thrive on trust and understanding, but gossip is like termites gnawing away at the foundation of that trust.
If you find yourself in a setting where gossip is the common currency—whether it’s family gatherings, social groups, or even online—consider how it's shaping the atmosphere around you. Sometimes, walking away from that toxicity is the only way to keep your integrity and peace intact. Yet, distancing yourself can be difficult, especially when the gossiping voices are those of friends, family, or respected colleagues. Still, remember that staying true to yourself and avoiding the urge to participate is a quiet but powerful act of defiance.
It’s worth taking a moment to reflect on your own conversations. Ask yourself, “Have I, knowingly or unknowingly, hurt someone by gossiping?” If so, consider making amends. Remember that the words we let loose can either build up or tear down—and rebuilding is never as easy as walking away.
In a world that’s all too ready to listen to gossip, let’s choose instead to listen to each other’s stories with empathy and kindness, keeping “speak no evil” as a guiding light. By doing so, we make space for friendships that are genuine, built not on shared whispers but on shared respect. After all, true friends don’t need to trade secrets—they’re far too busy building each other up.
(Scripture quotations marked CSB have been taken from the Christian Standard Bible®, Copyright © 2017 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. Christian Standard Bible® and CSB® are federally registered trademarks of Holman Bible Publishers.)