Personal Blogs

"Life is a journey where the destination is predetermined." 

Jim McCrory

Image kindly provided by Jack at https://unsplash.com/@jack_anstey

“There’s a young man inside me.

 He has followed me around all his life.

 His age, I do not know, but 

he is always there

 He comforts me

 and his presence 

convinces me

 God has eternity in view for me” 

Last Autumn I went through some medical examinations. It came the day to see the consultant for the results.

My wife and I read a scripture that morning as we do every morning. It was Psalm 91: 1,2:

“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High

Will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.’

I will say to the Lord, “You are my refuge and my fortress,

My God, in whom I trust.”

I said to my wife, “we are going to get bad news today.” She agreed with a pensive look on her face. God had often given us messages through the scriptures that were specific. God continues to speak as he has always spoken, but at times, the right verse miraculously lands in our lap when needed.

And sure enough, cells in the prostate that served me faithfully, turned hostile and have created a rebellion in the pancreas and liver and who knows where else.

The consultant, a kind Asian man, who seemed worried that I never received the full impact of the diagnoses said, “You are very bravado about this?”

“There’s a young man inside me. He has followed me around all his life. His age, I do not know, but he is always there. He comforts me and his presence convinces me God has eternity in view for me,” I replied.

We came home that day and read the whole of Psalm 91 and felt a great sense of comfort. I have no sensation of what the Germans call torschlusspanik, that awareness that the doors are closing in on me. No, I wake with a miraculous feeling of peace that only comes from God and Christ.

Contentment and Gratitude

The first thing was the need to create space. When it gets around that you have a terminal illness, many you have known from the past want to speak to you. As a solitary person who needs space to reflect and organise life, that came first. There are matters to consider. Passing on family photos and other documentation. Arranging a cremation. Sorting out the will and countless other matters that other’s need to respect. I recall when my first wife was dying with cancer that dealing with those who wanted some space with her became exhausting to the point that she needed protection whilst convalescing. It is a reminder to all that whilst in favourable season, that is the time for goodness,

Don’t withhold good from those to whom it is due,

when it is in the power of your hand to do it.

Proverbs 3:27 (WEB)

The year will be up next month. Who knows what the following year will bring. Sure, the side effects of hormone injections hamper life somewhat with the tiredness, intrusive thoughts, dry eye and other discomforts,  but there is one thing for sure, my wife and I have not lost our joy. We are grateful for what we have accomplished in the past year. We have had a rich summer staying in Scotland’s fine places and camping and meeting interesting people whom we have shared our faith with.

Exercise and nature have restorative powers. This is important as cancer and stress are not harmonious bedfellows. Therefore, I carefully guard my peace and cherish it.

I still enjoy my book group and reading. I also start the day writing something positive. I don’t like the current way the world is changing. I like to create my own world by writing what is good and upbuilding.

And like the ancient cave painters who embedded their handprints, writing leaves a legacy as to who I am and that I was here. Life is a journey, but we can determine the destination.

When a man dies, will he live again?

All the days of my hard service I will wait,

until my renewal comes.

Job 14:14 (BSB).

"Renewal", a wonderful concept.