"This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day.
Thou canst not then be false to any man."
William Shakespeare (from 'Hamlet'):
Whilst 100 km winds where causing havoc on Scotland's west coast this morning, my wife and I where reading the UCB word for today. We are not members of any religion but I like the thoughtful way the writer of the daily words get us thinking. We focused on the words, "a time to be silent and a time to speak" from Ecclesiastes 3:7. Sometimes in life we can be drowned out by the noise of family, workmates and friends and we become victims of some selfish pecking order. So, in these cases, there's a time to speak.
Image generated with the assistance of Microsoft Copilot
Finding Your Voice: The Courage to Stand Alone
Imagine yourself in a room bustling with conversation, a tapestry of voices each weaving their own narrative. You're there too, holding a truth you yearn to voice, but hesitation clasps your words. This is a familiar scene for many, especially those who, like you, once found themselves within a community where conformity overshadowed personal conviction. It’s not just about speaking up; it’s about breaking free from the fear that silences your true self.
Your journey might remind you of Joshua from the Bible, who stood before choices laid by tradition and the unknown, and declared, "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord" (Joshua 24:15). There's profound courage in choosing a path aligned with your deepest truths, especially when it means parting ways with the familiar. Like leaving a religion that no longer resonates with your understanding of the gospels, this decision can be both liberating and isolating. It requires you to assert who you are and what you stand for, even at the cost of losing friends, because living inauthentically is a price too steep to pay.
Assertiveness is not about dominating conversations or diminishing others but recognizing your own voice as valid and vital. Perhaps you were taught that being agreeable was the cornerstone of kindness, or maybe your opinions seemed less important when voiced, leading you to silence them to avoid discord. These experiences, though stifling, are not uncommon. They skew our perception, making us believe that to be assertive is to be confrontational. However, assertiveness is really about balance—honouring your feelings while respecting those of others.
Start small. Notice moments when discomfort stirs within you, signalling that your boundaries are being tested. If a friend’s words sting, resist the urge to gloss over your hurt. Instead, articulate your feelings with a simple, "That upset me," or "I disagree," allowing you to tread a new path of honesty and self-respect. It might feel like walking on a tightrope at first, wobbly and uncertain, but each step fortifies your resolve.
In asserting yourself, you’re not looking to win an argument but to represent your perspective with integrity. It’s not aggression but clarity you’re after, like when someone jumps the queue and you assert, "Excuse me, I was next." Such moments are exercises in self-advocacy, where your demeanour—your upright stance, steady gaze, and clear voice—speaks of newfound confidence.
This assertiveness extends to personal relationships, where the stakes often feel higher. Telling a friend, "Let’s check our schedules before making plans," or informing a relative, "I’m not comfortable with this," are ways of setting boundaries that protect your emotional space. These statements are acts of self-care, affirming that your needs are important and deserving of respect.
And remember, assertiveness is a skill honed through practice and persistence. You might falter, your voice might falter, but each attempt is a building block in constructing a self-assured you. The journey of finding your voice is fraught with challenges and discomfort, but each step forward is a declaration that you matter.
Your voice—tempered with kindness, strengthened by truth—can reshape your world. It’s not about volume but value; not about conflict but about establishing a presence that honours your individuality. As you continue to navigate the complexities of speaking your truth, take heart in knowing that each word spoken in authenticity is a testament to your growth.
So, the next time you find yourself hesitating, take a deep breath and embrace the power of your voice. Assertiveness isn't just about speaking; it’s about being heard. It's about transforming silence into dialogue, fear into courage, and isolation into a story of brave self-discovery. In the symphony of life, your voice has a crucial part to play. Let it sing with the fullness of who you are. Because indeed, you do matter.