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At Last
I played the track ‘At Last’ by Etta James on YouTube last night. ‘At Last’ is also the name of her album of 1960. The YouTube ‘track / song’ has had over sixty-five million views.
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There was a comment, ‘I played this song in the Sims 4 when my sim and her boyfriend danced together’. She gave her tag as ‘SayounaraXXXX’, with some numbers at the end instead of x’s, but on a platform that invites discussion on the subject material, the video.
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I was quite touched by this. I couldn’t help but see a young woman sighing as she played with the little dolls. I suppose there is some hope of a similar romantic dance in her own real future. Yet, it is not her hope that sparked my empathy; it was her softness. In her moment of romantic love, albeit vicariously through her Sim, she was supremely beautiful.
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I have always thought that cuddling up with a loved one is soppy. Certainly, I am emotionally derailed by seeing ‘Public Displays of Affection’ - PDAs. I suppose you have to be in it to feel it. Being someone with a background of parental violence when I was small, I never got used to, or embarrassed as a teenager, by my parents kissing, cuddling, holding hands, gazing at one another, or acting in any intimate or loving way. When I say ‘soppy’ I mean, ridiculous, or something that may invoke someone to motion sticking their own fingers down their throat. I wish I was different. However, as a teenager and young adult, it was common at parties to see people snogging, but they weren’t in love.
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I think there is an openness to be vulnerable that is required to be intimate with someone else. One’s guard needs to be dropped to allow trust to take over as overseer.
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‘I am in Your hands now. Don’t let me fall!’ Like two people standing on tiptoes on the highest peak, while holding onto each other for balance, so they can experience the finest and richest panorama imaginable.
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It is this openness that fascinates me. Much as someone is ‘bewitched’ by someone else, and would say that they are in love, where others might say, ‘smitten’ or ‘besotted’, I wonder if they would be so, if the person of their desire was not open to being vulnerable, such as I suspect the person who posted on the Etta James, ‘At Last’ video clearly was, in her home.
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I think I have a parallel thought to the recognition of vulnerability, that is invoked when I go, ‘Ahhhh!’ It is almost like pity and fear mashed together. I want to watch out for danger that could leap out and surprise the vulnerable person(s). You know, the six year old kid on the huge ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ stage, watched by three thousand judges in real time, and millions of viewers later.
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The funny thing is, I repeated a section, multiple times, of a different video in which, I think a young woman had a fall. I actually cannot remember what happened to her; that was not the interesting thing to me, and I certainly get no ‘Schadenfruede’ (harm-joy) from seeing people get hurt. I got pleasure from hearing a chorus of mixed voices chime, ‘Ooooooh!’ Empathy.
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The comment on the ‘At Last’ YouTube video came from someone empathising with herself through the use of her avatar. That is amazing and fascinating. Fascinating, in the real sense of fascination. I am like a deer in the headlights staring at a phenomena of the most profound wonder.
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When I was still very young, I overheard my brother saying, ‘Mum, he’s doing it again.’ My mum started calling my name which came to me louder and louder, ‘martin, Martin, Martin, Martin, Martin'. I was irritated by it. I had been ‘fascinated’ by a bright light and complete and utter peace, and then rudely brought back to the real world. I am still deeply, but mildly, annoyed now. I once, apparently more than once, knew complete, unadulterated fascination.
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The recognition that SayounaraXXXX is using a doll as an avatar for herself, perhaps without realising it, has widened a vivid path of thinking for me. I should very much like to be present when SayounaraXXXX meets ‘The One’ and is warmed and excited by her fantasy of reciprocated love from someone special, made real.
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The combination of the orchestra-backed song ‘At Last’, with [Etta] ‘James singing with the cathartic intensity you’d expect from someone who endured a troubled upbringing.’ (Scanlon, 2024), and SayounaraXXXX’s wishes for a romantic marriage, that are steeped in vulnerability, just completely overwhelms me. I don’t think I have ever been successfully seduced by anyone or anything, until now.
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Scanlon, Kelly, (2024) faroutmagazine, “Soul Reinvented: the stirring story of Etta James’ ‘At Last”, https://faroutmagazine.co.uk/stirring-story-of-etta-james-at-last/, 2024