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Not my thing...

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Edited by Jonathan Jewell, Saturday 21 November 2015 at 20:31
In spite of my commitment to a personal journal of my thoughts and feelings, which I complete daily (or thereabouts), my commitment to blogging is not great. That's no doubt obvious!

 

I thought about why this might be, and I've come to no great conclusions over it. But here are some ideas.

The obvious thing is that the content is different, and there's a lot I put in my journal that is personal and I wouldn't want online, let alone on my employer's website, for the World to see. On the other hand, there's a lot of stuff that I put in my personal journal that is perfectly fit for wider consumption (although I'd look crazy), because it's about reflections on events and how I think about them. True there are emotional elements to it, but nothing more than I have written in nursing assignments or talked about with people in the course of my teaching.

There's also the nature of the more formal content, in that I enjoy writing about early ideas that I have, that I'd rather not have shot down in their genesis before I have a chance to refine them. It's potentially the case that I might want to hold onto them so that no-one takes them, but actually, I'm more worried about them not being good enough than I am about them being so good they're worthy of stealing.

Then I also like to do a lot of sketches and drawings and play around with ideas visually, which sometimes are far better at expressing points which would be long, meandering sentences, not always going anywhere.

Another thing is the complete randomness of the path I take in my writing. I don't think my journal makes any sense at all, and I feel that, in terms of my thoughts and feelings, there's a legitimacy to the fact that it's like that - it's how I actually think. To put it up online probably would only serve a purpose to me looking back at it and no-one else. It could, I suppose, damage what credibility I have, but I think that anyone who knows me probably sees me as being fairly random anyway.

But I actually think the main thing is that, sitting here - in front of the screen - I'm finding it harder to write than something that flows through my pen when I'm writing in my paper journal. I look at it and I think, well, I've got the chance to edit it and change it, so it should be really good. Or at least better than what I write there.

A commitment I made a long time back that no matter how terrible what I've written in my journal, no matter how I've expressed myself, or what I've thought about something (and often someone), I will never retrospectively delete or change it. It's a fixed record. That's not to say I don't later on think, wow, that was a totally inappropriate, stupid, ill-judged thing to say, but I comment on it at at that time and not by erasing how I thought and felt at the time. I find that this is really good, particularly when I'm talking about encounters or arguments or presumptions I've made that later I see a new perspective on. Sometimes that's very different to how it felt at the time or my understanding of context, and when I consider patterns, I sometimes am able to discern biases I had no idea ever existed in me, and gain some insight into the way I see the World.

It's costly, and I have literally thousands of pages in diary after diary of content, much of which I have thought I ought to index or read over in full. But it never happens, and I suppose my life in the past is interesting (to me) but not something I need to relive again and again indiscriminately.

And so, I'm thinking, if I am to establish a blogging habit, as I have a journaling one, what is the value that I can find in this that I can't accomplish through that or could do better here. Blogging for the sake of it isn't something I intend to do - there's too much stuff going on out there that needs to be done, and so much better I could do if I ran out of those. Where is this contribution to come from, or is it a contribution not to be made.

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It's Jonathan's photo in a toga

A great (but simultaneously trivial) realisation

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Edited by Jonathan Jewell, Saturday 21 November 2015 at 20:42
Up until now, I'd assumed that no-one in the World would see this thing. Partly because it would only be the OU people who could see it, and secondly because I was really just messing around here, having a go at it here rather than a WordPress or Blogger (or, my favourite until lately, Weebly) site.

 

But, to my great surprise (and I'm glad I wasn't playing around *too* much), I found that actually, EVERYONE can see this. I'm about to start teaching, so I'll not be getting into the implications of this for the future of this blog, or its purpose.

But the lesson, I think, is to be very careful what not just with what you are putting out there, but to consider whether or not you even know what it is you are putting it out there at all. I think this is a 'truckloads more worrying' issue.

It has been said that you should never put in writing what you'd not have the whole world read. Sitting next to a very personal account in my personal diary, I'm giving some very careful consideration to what I perhaps should be omitting.

My personal diary, my public (employment) blog, and all the stuff I witter on about on Facebook, etc. etc. I have no idea what my profile is like that, and the concomitant impact on my own brand...I'm not sure what part of it is worse?

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