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Change! Change!

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[ 3 minute read ]

I love learning

I hate controlled spewing

I fear becoming someone who resembles people I am jealous of. Don't get me wrong; I want people to take me seriously. Personally, I take people who do not ramble and who speak in measured tones seriously. On the other hand, I love being me and not at all like those organised-thinking persons.

I have to organise my thoughts to write essays. I hate doing that. I ride in a small boat tossed on a raging sea of mystery, discovery and excitement. An essay to me is mooring up and explaining to the harbour-master the shape of a single wave from many in a storm and explaining how it affected another wave. Worse still; why one wave affecting another wave is important. 

I feel like I have to take a notebook onto a roller-coaster and while everyone else is screaming and raising their hands; vomiting and passing out; I am recording the sound of the cars and the vibration through the trucks and how it all affects the experience, even the puking. I sometimes just want to get off the ride having had fun. 

Learning is fun; telling someone what you have learnt is dull. 'That was then, this is now.' I hated that throwaway comment until I finally understood it to be indicative of someone experiencing an attenuation or 'braking' of an experience. 'You are killing my buzz, man!' works for me. 

Yet, I have to accept that it is in the telling that I learn the most; it is the consolidation and shaping that counts. Though we are some weeks past Christmas, I have an image of Christmas tree baubles laid in a box and reverently taken out and one by one examined by the excited person about to dress the tree. It is great fun to look at the baubles but the experience is enhanced by their relevance as decoration for only a short Winter period. What use is it to look at them and then just rebox them? As a child, my family had German painted-glass baubles that became scarcer and scarcer as over the years they broke; so sad every time it happened.

I look at men and women who seem to stand more upright when I hear the way they speak. Perhaps they have had practice at being relevant or are even successful through no effort of their own. It is a bit like noticing a physically fit person walking; you cannot emulate their walk; you have to be fit. I wonder if the practiced ladies and gents had their spoken delivery tempered by needing to organise their thoughts in order to write essays. Certainly, contrary to these fine people, I can recognise any attitude of 'entitlement' because I invariably experience contempt and disdain, and it tends to be directed towards similar people. This, however, is probably due to sibling rivalry and me being the youngest recognise unfounded seniority.

I don't want to change, but I already am, even as I mature still further. There is a force in me that tries to shunt the change off to a closed part of my mind; to lock it away and deny having it.

     'That isn't me! It is just a temporary being that is a vehicle to moving onto the next learning stage. I am going to cherry-pick from it. Honest!'

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Interview and sonder

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Edited by Martin Cadwell, Wednesday 31 December 2025 at 13:49

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silhouette of a female face in profile  Interview with myself

[ 10 minute read ]   2100 words

Interview and sonder

Could do better

'Today we have in the studio Martin Cadwell. Hello Martin'

'Hello'

'Martin is becoming a regular guest on our show. This is the third time now. You will be able to phone in and ask Martin some questions. The phone lines will open shortly. Martin, how has your year been? You have had some ups and downs from a not very good start this year.'

'Straight to the point. I like that. I suppose, generally the year has been disappointing. I mean it was a year; it had all the right number of days in it and night followed day; but I think I could have made more of it. You are right. I was not in a good position at the start.'

'I realise it is a sensitive issue so take your time.'

'Thank you. I had a huge falling out with my family in January which set about a series of bad behaviour episodes. I drank too much during the ironing out of the disagreements and the upshot is that I said more than I should have. I meant it too. As you know, I am uncomfortable with lies and deceit. Basically, I said to my family I had, had enough and I did not want to be part of the back-stabbing loop.'

'This is your wider family.'

'All of them. There is not a single family member I have any contact with now. As I was going through my late teens and early twenties I wondered how my mother could hold, what seemed to me, to be such concrete grudges against family members. It just seemed to me to be really quite mean, and fickle with it. She seemed capricious; one year against my brother, the next against me. I realised that she was being coached on how to think by my siblings according to how they felt about us. I said I was 'out'; not doing this anymore. Later in years I had good cause to make sure I am honest and honourable. As the Americans say, It bit me in the ass.'

'When you say 'out', what do you mean.'

'It is not right to speak ill of people who cannot defend themselves. It is a basic principle in many interviews that are intended for the public to be party to...'

'It is.'

'In my family, I simply refused to countenance gossip about other family members. I came up with the maxim 'Don't talk about me, talk to me'. In trying to stick to my code of honour, things came to a head in January and I effectively ran out of conversation with my family. It was just too hard to keep them from wandering off into the trees and start moaning. I had bound myself to being honourable and only by disavowing myself to honour could I release the binds.'

'How did that manifest in your more public life?'

'I am an undergraduate and although not forced to actively interact with other students, it is useful on some levels. I vented; I attacked; I laid scorn at their doorsteps. I failed in many ways to recognise them as humans with feelings that I am not party to.'

'So, correct me if I am wrong, but it seems that you missed your own family and the back-stabbing, and projected those feelings onto a group that had similar goals to your own.'

'Absolutely. I forget that I have PTSD from familial failings. When you hear the saying, 'Familiarity breeds contempt' you may, like many, many others think that this relates to repetition and banality; experience gained in doing something mundane soon turns to contempt for the task, right? When I hear it, I think that intimacy between humans is an area for contempt; effectively, family members or close friends. We soon recognise each others faults.'

'Jumping forward; you wrote a post on 'Sonder' this Summer. Was this what was missing in you in January?'

'Oh yeah, I did. Yes. I am fairly certain that most of us are so busy with our lives that we fail to recognise that other people are busy with their own lives. Everybody, well, nearly everybody, thinks they are the centre of the universe and everything revolves around them. It doesn't. Of course it doesn't. Everyone is more like a solar system with orbiting friends and family; each of those with their own gravitational pull on each other so they form a cohesion of some kind. Recognising that other people think they are the centre of the universe was a moment of sonder. Everyone has their own ideas and feelings. It seems obvious, but actually holding it to be true was a revelation to me. That is not enough though. It has to be stitched into the very fabric of our individual being.'

'Had you have known this earlier, do you think things would be different now?'

'Indubitably, without question and totally. Had I have realised this earlier this year I would have been a lot happier in the rest of the year. If I had known this when I was in my twenties I would now be complete with a wonderful wife and children and I would recognise that letting off steam by talking about family members is completely normal.'

'We have our first caller, Steve from Kent. Good morning Steve.'

'Good Morning and Happy Christmas. Hello Martin'

'Hello Steve. Happy Christmas.'

'Martin, I think that your message about sonder makes a good but overlong Christmas Card greeting in a much convoluted way, but don't you think you are just trying to create a religion out of respect?'

'Hmm...interesting question. I think that people can respect other people's spaces; I don't sit on your lap on the bus and I don't ask you to give up your seat for me either. That is respect for an individual. If we have a disagreement about an empty seat that both of us are aiming to sit on I might in a moment of sonder listen more closely to what you are saying or listen more keenly to your voice. In that moment of sonder I might do neither; I might only understand that you think you are at the centre of the universe and all things revolve around you. I would understand why you think you should have the seat and not I. I am only a peripheral body to you.'

'Neatly put, Martin but the caller is not asking if you would give up your seat. You would have to, the moment you intellectually withdraw from your involvement in the crisis, right?'

'Yes, I would have to. I rather feel that respect is a blanket attitude that we give to people's inalienable rights and their thoughts and feelings require something else. While we all have a right to think what we like, I do not need to respect any thoughts you may have that I feel are evil. In a moment of sonder we can wrap up those thoughts in toxic-proof wrapping and interact with a person in a polite and conscious way.'

'I still think you are over-egging the pudding, but I respect your thoughts and bid you also a happy new year. Goodbye.'

'Ha ha. That was Steve from Kent with good cheer and amicability. Happy new year Steve! Martin, Tell me about your Summer.'

'Happy new year Steve. As you know, I like gardening. It is the growing and the not so much the nurturing I like. I like the sprouting of the new shoots and the right result, be it flowers or fruit. I discovered that Muntjac deer like to eat anything I grow. My garden is where I relax and the frustration of having all my efforts destroyed affected my Summer quite badly. It is easy for me to become quite jaded if I can't find a way to overcome a problem...'

'Isn't a fence a good idea?'

'Tuh! Yes. I have been exceedingly lazy this year. I cycle less; I have tended the garden less; I shopped closer to home in the local villages instead of going into the city. I have not made good use of my time. This Summer, instead of seeking new connections and maintaining the shreds of old relationships I have spent a great deal of time at home focusing on myself; but not in a good way such as one might hear about from a practitioner of Yoga or Pilates or mindfullness. This Summer I watched the world pass with an indifference that I have never experienced before. This Summer, I complained that it was too hot. I complained that my nearest neighbour is a nincompoop nuisance. I berated both myself and my shadow and lost interest in keeping a working set of three bicycles.'

'You like cycling.'

'I did. I like to feel my legs tired but resilient; like tight elastic. I like getting home tired but able to recover with only a cup of coffee. This Summer, my legs were weak and I overheated too easily. Getting home, a cup of coffee was not enough and I needed to sit for a couple of hours to recover. Things didn't get done. I did no art or crafts. I even gave away a lot of new art material by leaving it outside on the pavement. I am not at all satisfied with how I operated even within my own sphere of influence. In giving away the art material I was obliquely tryig to compensate for my interactive inadequacies'

'You sound quite sad and introrse, whereas last time I sensed insightful.'

'Ever sharp and to the point. Yes. I suppose I am feeling sorry for myself. I know I am better than I have shown myself to be. I am disappointed.'

'We have another call; Aesia in Oxfordshire. Good Morning and Happy Christmas Aesia. What do you have to say?'

'Good morning. Happy Christmas. Happy Christmas Martin. I should just like to ask why you are so ruthless with yourself. It sounds to me that you have an urge to psychologically wound yourself.'

'Good morning Aesia. Happy Christmas. That is a great question. I suppose I don't really see myself trying to attack myself on any level. I suppose I see it as self-imposed moral rectitude. Unfortunately, I often don't feel that I don't measure up to being myself at anywhere close to my potential. I was about to say capacity, but of course, capacity ebbs and flows as the seasons pass and the impact that both the environment and ourselves have on us. From January, I probably set myself up for a dwindling relationship with my immediate environment and needed to boost myself a bit, but I didn't. Instead of dealing with things effectively, I just pushed them into the long-standing heap of unfinished business. It has affected me. I know that.'

'Well, I think you are okay. I mean, I think you mean well. I am going to go now. Happy new year.'

'Happy new year.'

'Happy new year Aesia. Martin, finally, do you have any plans for the future? We are a bit short of time.'

'Yes, I do. I need to focus of getting a good sleep pattern and get back into cycling. The only bike I have working is one that is too small for me. I have four others in different states of repair, and when I ride the the little one I am frustrated. I blame it on having a poor memory. I know that poor sleep habits have a significant effect on memory, energy, ambition and motivation, so I shall focus on looking into causality in January 2026. I shall go home and write a new message to myself to pin on my wall; a quote from when I was more connected with the Christian Church, 'In order to be where God wants you to be in five years time, you have to be where God wants you to be now'. For me, it will have a duality about it, in that I shall extrapolate from it a concept of human achievement such as, a long journey starts with a single step.'

'Martin Cadwell, it has been a pleasure. Happy new Year.'

'Thank you. Happy new year.'

 If you would like music to match this post you might try Talking Heads, 'Once in a Lifetime' available on YouTube. Go for the Official Audio not the video; it plays without interruption. Link below (opens in new window):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fR0jgT9UX0Q&list=RDfR0jgT9UX0Q&start_radio=1

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You can't stand in the way of progress or change

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Edited by Martin Cadwell, Thursday 24 July 2025 at 10:19

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[ 7 minute read ]

You can't stand in the way of progress or change

It seems that if you are renting out a house in Funafuti, Tuvalu, it is unnecessary to include in the description that it is two minutes walk to the beach. There is a picture on the FRANCE 24 News website of Tuvalu as a strip of land in the Pacific ocean, midway between Australia and Hawaii, that has houses along its length and, I would guess, takes about six minutes to walk from the beach on one side of the island to the other beach on the other side of the long and very thin island.

'Discover the unspoiled paradise of Tuvalu, one of the smallest and most remote nations in the world. Explore the atolls, lagoons, reefs, beaches, diving, culture and history of this South Seas destination.' says timelesstuvalu.com. 

Sometimes, businesses use a particular type of marketing that plays on our desire to not miss out on a good deal. Those businesses offer a deal for a limited period, or for the first hundred customers, or so. The quote from timelesstuvalu.com remarkably does not include 'while you can', or 'this offer ends soon'. According to climatologists, Tuvalu will inevitably disappear under the waves.

Something that struck me was that the residents cannot get away from the lifestyle of beach-life. Given, they may like eating fish and swimming but there is no skiing or bungee-jumping there. Where do they go on holiday? 

I lived in a very picturesque village for most of my life; I was born there. There was a camp-site in Summer that was a field for grazing a dairy herd in the other months. One year, I came across a teenage girl, my age, and got chatting to her. She told me she was from Clacton, in the county of Essex, England. I was amazed. Clacton is a seaside resort. Why would anyone leave a seaside resort to go on holiday? I was ignorant. Being inland for her was different. There was a river that she could swim in and lovely green fields and village-type stuff; chocolate-box / picture-postcard village stuff like thatched houses and winding paths and lanes.

My parents, of course, would take us to the seaside for our holidays. We had use of a beach-house while we were there. A beach-house in the UK is a small, single room, wooden hut planted directly on the beach and is for day use, like changing into swimming costumes and cooking shell-fish on a little gas powered cooker. Great memories. Yet, the passage of time has changed that holiday town to be practically unrecognisable to me. The roads and streets are still there; the amusement arcades are still there, but the harbour is now unusable. It is full of sand. No-one dredges it now that fishing is no longer viable in that area. It used to be that we, as kids, could, when the tide was in, reach the sea from the beach-house in less than twenty seconds; and old ship-wrecks were washed right up to the sand dunes. These days, there is an undulating desert of sand before one can reach the sea, six minutes walk away. That is the width of Tuvalu in some places, it seems.

Locally

There is a telephone-box library in my neighbouring village. In England, almost all of the iconic red telephone boxes were dug up and removed when mobile (cell) phones became ubiquitous. Once everyone had a personal phone the public phone boxes disappeared, and now very small children have to run a lot further and faster when they fell off their bicycles and need help. Where I lived, when I was a kid, there were just lots and lots of fields and one telephone box per village. However, a few red telephone boxes were saved. They had shelves installed and these were filled with unwanted, second-hand books. Anyone can take these books, supposedly for a while, but if you keep one there isn't a gap on the shelf for more than a week, because someone shoves another book in its place. 

I found a book on ageing in the telephone-box library. Having started a couple of businesses in the past and recognising a gap in the job-recruitment market, I thought I might start a recruitment agency specifically to get upper-age-group people into work or new jobs. Best learn about people over fifty then, I thought. That was over a year ago. Yesterday, I opened the book and discovered it is actually a collection of papers on ageing; how reflexes deteriorate or not, and the such-like. There is a whole bunch more reports in it, but I stopped reading when I recognised that none of the studies included more than a handful of people in their seventies. The book was published in 1972. Today, I have gotten used to people working when they are in their seventies, in the area in which I live. My next-door neighbour is one hundred and two and I am amazed at his mental acuity. He still goes somewhere everyday with his flask of something and sandwiches, both in the morning and afternoon. Perhaps he goes on picnics with  new girlfriends.

Just as Tuvalu will cease to exist, and the beach I played on every summer has expanded; and just as holidays are taken because people desire change, people have also changed. I am only just realising that we cannot expect the world to stay the same if we change. Most of us have adapted; many have not. It sees it is difficult for many people to accept inevitability in their lives. They think they are King Cnut (Canute) in the eleventh century AD, and can hold back the tide.

Where I live there is bad sentiment towards a new railway line. Many of the complainers will not be alive to reap the benefits derived from riding a train from the east side of the south of England to the west side of the south of England. Yet, they are the most vociferous at the village hall in their protests. 

'Noise'

'Disruption'

'Can't sleep'

'Noise'

When I was seventeen, I worked in Bavaria, fifty miles (80km) east of Munich (München), in Germany. I lived in the 'Railway Hotel' - Bahnhof Gasthaus, directly opposite the train station. That train station was also a shunting yard for goods. Bang! Bang! at one in the morning, three in the morning, throughout the nights. I got used to it and after a week slept through it. Bear in mind that I was born and bred in a rural area where the loudest thing we heard was a cow. I am pretending there were no occasional Phantom F4 fighter planes howling overhead. OOOOO Wooooo. They were flying really slowly in England.

I have had a few conversations with the opponents to building a rail link between cities in the nearby fields. They are concerned about their property prices. They can't spend the money when they are no longer alive. They thought they could retire in the village but now their peace will be ruined. I am always left with the overwhelming feeling that these people have deceived themselves for their whole lives. When they were young and entering the job market, they lived in a world that was far different to the world we live in now. They could expect to be able to pay for a mortgage on a house from their forty or fifty years of work earnings. The 1980s had not happened and there were areas of derelict land and abandoned houses. 

In the late 1990's I started to feel sorry for people who persisted in thinking that everything they knew at that time would be all they would need to know today. Another neighbour I have, not yet fifty years old, has not realised that specialisation in large sectors of the work environment is fading fast. Now, there are specialists with PhDs and everyone else needs to have skills and attributes in an ever-widening scope of activity. Right from the hod-carrier on the building sites of yesteryear, who now needs to be a general labourer who can read plans, drive plant machinery, operate hydraulic machinery, and most importantly, not go to the pub at lunchtime; to the head of a department in an office environment who needs to hand off their capabilities and ability to computer algorithms, that he or she is expected to be able to manipulate, control, and assist.

The existence of Tuvalu will pass just as inevitably as our own idea that what we once knew would always be enough for our future. We cannot hold back the tide just as we cannot move away from progress, or prevent it spilling into our back yards.

Competitiveness in a fast changing world

Perhaps I should add this: If I was to start a logistics business with warehousing, no-one applying for the simplest role in the warehouse would get an interview without a Level 5 Diploma in Warehousing, Logistics, or Supply Chain Management; no-one applying for a driving role would get an interview without an Advanced Driving pass certificate, or a ADR (dangerous goods) pass certificate, or a current Driver CPC pass (Certificate of Professional Competence) or a FORS Driver certificate (Fleet Owners Recognition Scheme), AND MUST HAVE a certificate demonstrating completion of Health, Safety and Environmental Preservation, AND demonstrate an extensive knowledge of the most up to date UK Highway Code. Not only that, they would, as part of the interview, need to navigate from and to, set points in the UK, using only printed maps. No-one applying for an office role would get an interview without a level three award, certificate, or diploma, in Customer Services. Front-line customer-facing staff should also have a minimum of a level 2 certificate in Negotiation before an interview would be granted.

A Mental Health in the Workplace certificate would be good too.

Just saying.

To all those who are not delighted with their degree pass score: Even graduates with a first, would not get a job flipping burgers in my Burger Bar without having a Michelin Star. 

What I am trying to say, is that, for me, it is the diversity and combination of education, certification, and qualifications that is important; not the level of a single qualification.

Decades of experience means so many different things: stuck in a manner of behaviour; resistant to change; someone consistently employed by mediocre businesses; anything. It might also indicate, a leader who keeps abreast of industry progresses. But this last means that much evidence of further education should be available, and, for me, it must encompass a wide spectrum of knowledge for even a supervisor role, with any business I might own.

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