Well that lost hour of sleep has really left its mark - I feel like I could sleep most of the day if my Dad wasn't doing DIY in the house!
However insulating the rooms is important so I suppose I'll let him off all the drilling and banging which is going on!
It's a shame its been so cold here in Chelmsford this morning but things are brightening up after the fog and the temperature's rising, so perhaps an escape into the garden is possible. Lets just hope I don't fall asleep in the sun and become a red lobster!
Mini rant /feeling sorry for myself and need to let it out somehow. Apologies in advance for a rather long monologue.
I'm feeling very down again today, for some reason my focus seems to be on what could have been - I see what my friends are doing, going to uni, out clubbing, getting boyfriends/ engaged etc. and it just seems to be reinforcing all the things I haven't done/ am unable to do thanks to this blasted illness! I'm not normally so negative but I don't know maybe it's just this winter of viruses getting to me. This is the first OU course I've done where I've been unable to attend any of the tutorials!
I just don't seem to be able to get past what I was able to do 6 months ago which I'm unable to now and focus on what I can do. I'm wondering how I'm ever going to 'meet a guy' as I hardly ever get out and when I do it's usually with my parents either in the car (as I can't drive yet, it's in my plan of future things to do) or with one of them pushing a wheelchair / encouraging me to keep walking when we go for short walks out.
Everything just seems to be getting me down, I'm fed up that I can't rest or sleep when I want/need to because our neighbours are noisy. I seem to be studying even when I'm not feeling great just because I don't know if I'll be able to sleep that night or study the next day because the neighbours may be banging/ arguing/ stinking the place out with garlic like smells. (that last one may sound petty but at the moment such strong smells make me feel nauseous so I don't feel able to study).
Life just seems so hard at the moment, but there's alot of determination in me yet this M.E. is NOT going to BEAT me. I'm just not sure how I'm going to beat it...but I'm determined I will!