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[ 4 minute read ]
Unruly Toaster
Is it just me or does everyone's toaster act like an unruly teenager? That stereotypical teenager caricatured again? My toaster burns bread when I am not looking, but if I am watching it, it spits the bread out half-toasted. I can't help thinking it wants to join a union such is its obvious defiance towards adaptation.
‘What is wrong with you? Go to your space in the cupboard under the sink!’
I used to be a fire-breather and one of my friends who seemed to get in a lot of fights, asked me if a spirit drink served over the counter in pubs would work instead of paraffin. I think that it would, and that thought is not an original one either. There seems to be evidence of the thought when I was six. Brandy on Christmas Pudding burns, right? It could be warmed in the mouth though it would be a little diluted by saliva; so order a double and hold it all in your mouth after warming it in your cupped hands when it is still in the glass. If you see someone vigorously rubbing their hands together and ordering a large brandy you might want to keep at least nine feet away. 'nuff said. Of course, who has a lighter or matches these days? Anyway, it is said that the pen is mightier than the sword, so I fear only someone with a quill or empty fountain pen who orders a brandy and a piece of paper. An intention to write with invisible ink surely suggests subterfuge, doesn't it? What? you say, How did you get here? Heat the paper, with brandy ink on it, in a toaster, to see the words. Well, it works with lemon juice, anyway.
Yesterday, 13th December, there were half a dozen eggs on my doorstep again. The 13th of December is Saint Lucy's Day, and is a Christian feast day dedicated to Lucy of Syracuse. She was an early fourth century virgin martyr under the Diocletianic Persecution, who, according to legend brought food and aid to persecuted Christians hiding in the Roman catacombs, and wearing a candle-lit wreath on her head to light her way, so she could carry as much food as possible with both hands. - Wikipedia
Well, the egg-box angels I am making might end up being a Lucy and some angels. I now realise that I cannot compress the egg-box slurry and expect it to just stick together; probably because I didn't use a blender on it. Flour and water is what we used to use for dolls when I was an infant. I am however, loathe to waste food to make a token gift as thanks for providing food; which leaves me with finding a protein to bind the egg-box slurry together (like eggs), or buying a blender, which I might find another use for in the kitchen. Otherwise, I shall sculpt DAS Pronto, which is not at all what I had in mind. I am hoping I can use the clay as more of a 'slip' than a shape-holding medium and, as such, it might work as a binder for the egg-box slurry.
You know what? I don't even know if egg boxes are vegetarian. They might use gelatine as a binder. Sally, the intended recipient of the angels, and now possibly a Lucy, is a vegetarian, just as I am, except for when I ate lamb about three years ago.
I think a gift, token or otherwise, should take into consideration the recipient's values. If someone hates fossil fuels, I wouldn't drive to town to fetch a gift for them; I would cycle or walk. Likewise, Sally won't get a gift, token or otherwise, from me, that includes real animals in it; unless it is an animal. I think Christmas donkeys are quite expensive right now though.
The Diocletianic or Great Persecution was the last and most severe persecution of Christians in the Roman Empire. In 303, the emperors Diocletian, Maximian, Galerius, and Constantius issued a series of edicts rescinding Christians' legal rights and demanding that they comply with traditional religious practices. Later edicts targeted the clergy and demanded universal sacrifice, ordering all inhabitants to sacrifice to the Roman gods.
Wikipedia https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diocletianic_Persecution