It has been a dark few days within this fathom length body.
This morning I was once again pummelled by the dark forces of the kilesas (greed, hate, conceit, and delusion). They have become my relentless teachers these days. They hit me with everything they got today. Brought me to tears if I am honest.
Revealing to me just how much work there is still left to do on this mind.
I attended a dharma inquiry this evening that really seemed to hit the nail on the head of how I was feeling. I left seeing things more clearly.
I now understand this Buddhist practise is not just about the intellect, it is as much about the heart. Both work together. Complement one another.
Cool head, warm heart.
Friendship is important, as challenging as it can feel at times to relate to others, it teaches me things I miss when practising alone. I think I am a mix of classical Buddhism and Zen, although not the authoritarian kind of Zen. The friendly Zen (-:
I am not really into the Bodhisattva vow, though I respect it. I just feel uncertain about vowing.
I have decided I want to go for full enlightenment, and if I reach that, it will be impossible to help all beings then; but that does not mean I don't feel love for them, I feel compassion, and when wise enough I will try to keep the true dhamma alive for future generations, if I live that long. I want to help as many beings as I can. But not proselytising, not conceited, just living from the heart, and out of compassion teaching those who ask, and only when asked.
But I am getting ahead of myself, I still have much to learn before I realise that lofty aspiration.
I have a three hour exam tomorrow on the topic of cyber security. I am not looking forward to it. Wish me luck!
May all be safe, well, peaceful, and 😊