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Change! Change!

Thursday 5 February 2026 at 04:10
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All my posts: https://learn1.open.ac.uk/mod/oublog/view.php?u=zw219551

or search for 'martin cadwell -caldwell' Take note of the position of the minus sign to eliminate caldwell returns or search for 'martin cadwell blog' in your browser.

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[ 3 minute read ]

I love learning

I hate controlled spewing

I fear becoming someone who resembles people I am jealous of. Don't get me wrong; I want people to take me seriously. Personally, I take people who do not ramble and who speak in measured tones seriously. On the other hand, I love being me and not at all like those organised-thinking persons.

I have to organise my thoughts to write essays. I hate doing that. I ride in a small boat tossed on a raging sea of mystery, discovery and excitement. An essay to me is mooring up and explaining to the harbour-master the shape of a single wave from many in a storm and explaining how it affected another wave. Worse still; why one wave affecting another wave is important. 

I feel like I have to take a notebook onto a roller-coaster and while everyone else is screaming and raising their hands; vomiting and passing out; I am recording the sound of the cars and the vibration through the trucks and how it all affects the experience, even the puking. I sometimes just want to get off the ride having had fun. 

Learning is fun; telling someone what you have learnt is dull. 'That was then, this is now.' I hated that throwaway comment until I finally understood it to be indicative of someone experiencing an attenuation or 'braking' of an experience. 'You are killing my buzz, man!' works for me. 

Yet, I have to accept that it is in the telling that I learn the most; it is the consolidation and shaping that counts. Though we are some weeks past Christmas, I have an image of Christmas tree baubles laid in a box and reverently taken out and one by one examined by the excited person about to dress the tree. It is great fun to look at the baubles but the experience is enhanced by their relevance as decoration for only a short Winter period. What use is it to look at them and then just rebox them? As a child, my family had German painted-glass baubles that became scarcer and scarcer as over the years they broke; so sad every time it happened.

I look at men and women who seem to stand more upright when I hear the way they speak. Perhaps they have had practice at being relevant or are even successful through no effort of their own. It is a bit like noticing a physically fit person walking; you cannot emulate their walk; you have to be fit. I wonder if the practiced ladies and gents had their spoken delivery tempered by needing to organise their thoughts in order to write essays. Certainly, contrary to these fine people, I can recognise any attitude of 'entitlement' because I invariably experience contempt and disdain, and it tends to be directed towards similar people. This, however, is probably due to sibling rivalry and me being the youngest recognise unfounded seniority.

I don't want to change, but I already am, even as I mature still further. There is a force in me that tries to shunt the change off to a closed part of my mind; to lock it away and deny having it.

     'That isn't me! It is just a temporary being that is a vehicle to moving onto the next learning stage. I am going to cherry-pick from it. Honest!'

Tags: learning, change, organised, student
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Under Development

Sunday 4 January 2026 at 04:49
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Edited by Martin Cadwell, Sunday 4 January 2026 at 06:39

All my posts: https://learn1.open.ac.uk/mod/oublog/view.php?u=zw219551

or search for 'martin cadwell -caldwell' Take note of the position of the minus sign to eliminate caldwell returns or search for 'martin cadwell blog' in your browser.

I am not on YouTube or social media

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[ 5 minute read ]

Under Development

This is about Creative Writing

I am curious. Thank God I am curious. 

I made a lot of money (someone else has it now) running a business in the days when we could make our own web pages from scratch and although all the big businesses had expensive websites, the scope of the 'little man' or SME (Small and Medium Enterprise) online presence allowed me to take advantage of my marketing ability and not least my belief in myself. I taught myself the website language HTML4 and created my own web pages which I could endlessly edit whenever I chose, hour by hour if I wanted to, and web hosting for only about six British pounds per year.

My curiousity leads me to peer in the undergrowth around a subject. The international business I made was born out of curiousity. I had quit a job and I was curious to see whether my experience of playing computer games which were business oriented, could be used in the real world. It could, and it worked well.

It is not enough for me to be on a structured course and follow the program. I need to be stimulated and not led by the nose towards an inevitable conclusion. I look elsewhere for fun. Sometimes I go onto learning platforms that are a little more relaxed in accepting content from students. One or two have forums and allow comments, a bit like social media, which other students can like or respond to.

I almost exclusively write for myself, including these posts; they help me to organise my thinking and practice writing. I don't really like breaking the fourth wall, However:

Here are some snippets of comments I recently made on a learning platform; some people will recognise which one:

4th December 2025 

'I have a feeling that writing allows my mind to slow down so I am more accepting of information. It allows me to see a greater perspective even behind news stories. For example, some news stories state the obvious and others seem to be written by a monkey with a typewriter. If I write how I feel about the news story, or the news contributor, I can understand the reason for the story and its impact. This allows me to find a nuanced plot that I could use in fiction writing.' 

26th November 2025

'It tickles my head. If reading is a cool drink on a hot day then writing is an ice-cube sliding down my sun-burnt back. But that doesn't begin to describe it. Everything is possible and I can see beyond the mountain that the characters have to climb yet they see in black and white while I am looking at the colours of the whole scene through a giant kaleidoscope with monsters and angels equally likely to peer back at me. I shiver at that because for a while they just might be real and perhaps they are not fantasy after all.

I am lucky because my English is quite good and I used to read a thesaurus for bed-time reading as a teenager. '

9th December 2025

'When I see someone dancing in a park but I can't hear the music, I think they might have suddenly found their son's insect collection in their clothes.'

December 2025 A piece that was written as an exercise that allowed student feedback sometime in December 2025. The beginning in italics was some stock I had and I just copied and pasted it and then lazily tried to make a little story from it. It got a poor review but we can only be wounded if we are judged by our full capacity to perform or achieve; but that is a never an excuse to ever let up.

'The attention of the demon-possessed grows ever greater and gradually they creep forward, their ears pricking. Only when the believer swears or curses does the attention of the demon-possessed wane and turn elsewhere. As though the threat of detection is too much to bear does one allow filth to gush from one's mouth.
Or, perhaps, the evident building of force from the demon-possessed causes the believer to swear thus causing the believer to become further from God. We must hold hard. Our weakness is wanting to belong, to not be ostracised, to not feel threatened.’

Good advice from my mother, but this wasn't anywhere off this planet or a different realm to the one we normally live in. This was our first day at a secondary school. The third school for me and the second school for my sister.

Sarah, my little sister, who had only been to our village primary school and never been to a big, city school, like this, gripped my hand tighter and looked up at me. I knew she was going to cry. We didn't know anyone in the whole city except our mum, who had dragged us away from our kind dad. She, this morning, was still in bed, drunk. The alcohol never dulled her dread of the world though.'

12th December 2025

'Hilda was wearing red today so I knew she was going shopping. Her crazy dog was also wearing a red bow so I knew it would bite me if I tried to pet it. It hates red. Red, it knew, meant having to dodge careless feet and shopping trolley wheels. 

Tomorrow, Hilda would wear blue, so I know she will be in her garden pinning her washing to the line and then taking it down only to hang it again further along. Her dog wearing a blue bow would quietly lie down. It liked the colour blue because Hilda fed it treats on wash-days. 

Of course, my dog and I know that her dog is colour-blind and it is Hilda it really hates on the day before she washes clothes, and goes shopping. 

Sometimes, Hilda's dog sneaks through our dividing fence and races my dog around my garden. But it only does this when Hilda is wearing green to match her visiting grandchildren's jumpers on Sundays. They wear green because they think that Hilda likes green and that is why she gives them treats. My dog, with its excellent sense of smell, knows that Hilda only ever buys dog treats, and I know Hilda can't cook.'

13th December 2025

'My family motto is: 'To be, rather than to seem' Yet, my family are liars and back-stabbers, so I left them and live by myself, estranged.

I look at the fruit on the table no longer lit by burned down candles, while I ponder if I made the right decision. I can't look at myself, so the apples slowly wrinkling and the bananas loosing their shape are my only mirror.'

10th December 2025

'If you don't like the review(s) on your work remember this:
You probably don't suck at writing. It might be that the reviewer is not good at commenting or is having a bad day or even has received a bad review from someone else and wants to lash out to make themselves feel better.

10th December 2025

The people we see doing tricks on bicycles were once rubbish when they were learning to ride.

Writers could not read or write before they wrote amazing stories. Artists, such as painters can just practice but writers need knowledge and practice. Don't be disillusioned by fools who see no futures.

You are on a writing course because you do see a future and want to be a part of a rich and varied world of fun, intrigue, love, and connections.

Trying to do something and trying new things is a mark of a valuable person who is alive and energetic. I expect these types of people to be fun to have around.'

26th November 2025

'I don't think I write pre-emptive phrases to start because I think I automatically cut them out anyway. I think I could write a question as speech to get me going because I am happy writing speech; you know, like:

'What's for tea?'
Bob always asked that after he slammed the front door when he got back from work.' 

26th November 2025

'If I am given a remit or a brief to conform to I absolutely freeze. I need a run up before I can launch myself into writing anything that I don't immediately delete. I should probably not delete it though and instead carry on for a while and then adjust the beginning to suit the latter part that I like.' 

26th November 2025

I like dust as much as I like the hairs left all over a sink after shaving. 

26th November 2025

I think writing is like everything: first efforts are never brilliant and practice, practice, practice is key. Athletes practice for hours each day as do musicians. 

17th November 2025

Sometimes I look at my laptop keyboard and then stop looking and three hours have passed. I am satisfied with what I see on the screen though. 

15th November 2025

I think that every time I go to my local shop that something might happen along the way; it does, but only the tyres on my bike seem to know it. Today, the tyres told my trousers that the road was wet. My hat was polite in its acceptance of drenching rain, 'It is what it is!' 

15th November 2025 - we were asked to write two lies and one truth. I just made stuff up instead.

'I wake every day or night from a nightmare. It doesn't matter what time I lay myself down to sleep; 7pm, 9pm, or 1am, I wake. Before the police came I woke at the same time every day for three weeks, 07:28. They woke me at 07:28. There had been a major change in how we considered organised crime and I was the implementer of my own advice, though not a serving officer. I was told to get up because 'something was up'. It was 1990 and my own team was engaged. Later evidence showed that I knew about the likely consequences of a frontal attack on primary school kids illicitly selling crisps in the playground to their friend and peers. I wrote a book called 'I nipped their bud to succeed in the playground'. ('Nipping a bud' in English means cutting something off before it can develop into an uncontrollable problem or undesirable circumstance)

I am so grateful that my alarm has a snooze button. My wife and I relish in the warmth we share under the blankets. Sometimes, when she is half awake I can feel her hand gently moving before she looks at me with a quiz on her eyebrows.' 

Undated

'I met a lecturer who told me that he attended a film screening with only a few audience members and did not enjoy it. Later, he saw the film in a packed cinema when it was released, and the audience's reaction made him really enjoy the film; even though he had already seen it.' 

Today: those are examples of how I write and write and write and after a time something useful and interesting appears. I have to keep those for concatenation and further development, though.

Tags: writing snippets, learning, creative writing, under development
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Prepare to Learn

Thursday 11 September 2025 at 05:21
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Edited by Martin Cadwell, Thursday 11 September 2025 at 06:32

All my posts: https://learn1.open.ac.uk/mod/oublog/view.php?u=zw219551

or search for 'martin cadwell' or 'martin cadwell blog' in your browser. 

I am not on YouTube or social media

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[ 4 minute read ]

Prepare to Learn

Or learn to prepare.

For over a month now, I have had no vitamin supplements. I thrive on them. I have done mini-experiments that measure my mental acuity with and without them. Anyone can go back and see that my posts are way more creative months ago than they are today. I bought some yesterday. Another experiment over, one that included eating meat. I am now vegetarian again. Regardless of health issues, it uses less hot water and washing-up liquid.

The Summer break is over for many of us and now I need to focus. I am double-dosing for the next seven days. I am seeking the last 1%. That final piece could be the key that stitches everything together. I can't allow myself to deny that it might be found. 

It is not my intention to persuade or convince anyone to take supplements; each to their own. In any case the one's I bought from the CO-OP are a bit suspect. In the ingredients is listed:

Sugar, Glucose Syrup, and Modified Maize Starch.

Really, sugars?

I am not a chemist or biologist, but sugar in vitamin supplements? Odd, I think.

Never mind, I am a sugar addict. I have to add sugar and salt to the baked beans I buy from the CO-OP. Wait, What? Yes, because I eat so little processed food I actually have to add salt to my food, and the quantity of sugar I add is tiny. I suspect the carbohydrates in a tablespoon of the beans far, far outweighs the sugar I add. 

My doctor tells me I am not even pre-diabetic. I went to check because I would get fatigued after eating beans that I had soaked and cooked (carbohydrates). It turns out that you really do have to boil beans for a full ten minutes. I was kind of poisoning myself by cutting corners.

Recently, I forgot I was doing an online 'A' level course on Economics. I like pop-information, but thought I had better try to understand the formulas, charts and graphs. It is dull, but it might be necessary. If something is dull I tend to forget it or find a way to speed through it just to get to the other end. With the economics course I am using the soaking-in technique that utilises familiarity at its core. Often, I write on A3 and A4 size paper with marker pens and Blu-Tack them to my walls. If I didn't really understand something at the time I will pin it somewhere and carry on with a hope that something elsewhere marries up to the writing on the wall. 

Sometimes, some of the stuff on my walls relate to a different subject, a bit like metaphors and similes. For example. the Conjunctive and Disjunctive Models Of Brand Evaluation in Marketing works well in understanding job interviews for an HR position. I also have the definitions of deductive and inductive reasoning on an A4 sheet. 

I have a list of words and their meanings that I want to confidently use in sentences. I once had a conversation with a Lithuanian polyglot. She spoke English at probably C1 level on the CEFR scale. I told her that I would be able to speak English and she would not be able to understand me. She assured me that she was familiar with most English accents. I didn't pursue the conversation but felt sure that many people can speak English to me and I would not understand, and I think I speak English at C2, or close to it. One would only have to chuck 'commingle', 'sagacious', 'oleaginous', 'metastasis', or 'heterogeneity' into a sentence and I am lost. I kind of know them, but I am not confident enough with them to be able to be not frozen in thought for a moment, which would prevent me hearing the rest of the sentence. Job Done! Confused me.

When I was sixteen, I swallowed a thesaurus and liked the taste. Unfortunately, not everyone eats at the same restaurants as me.

My walls are disjointed mind-maps. I write questions on bits of paper and stick them up, because I know that I shall have to answer them within the next six months or so. I build scaffolding with words. I think some people call them notes, and I think the OU calls it a plan. I think scaffolding is slightly different. It makes it quite difficult for me to describe how I came about to write something though.

One of the most frustrating things for me in recent months, and currently, is that I cannot use the null hypothesis to test things in their negative form. I really like reading some facts and then trying to prove them wrong. At 'A' level I can sometimes do this, particularly in the common understanding of mental health and ill-health, in which I have fresh thoughts. Almost inevitably though, I cannot offer any alternative thinking, but I have a really good understanding of what is true and correct afterwards. I haven't been able to test anything like that for ages now. I miss it because it is so stimulating.

Tags: null hypothesis, learning
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