Ah yes, today started with such promise.
The birds were singing. The sun was shining. I was (theoretically) ready to conquer another chaotic day in the life of a mature student with more to do lists than memory space. Armed with the kind of determination only seen in caffeine fueled gladiators… except, of course, I hadn’t had coffee yet.
Because, dear reader, I made the rookie mistake of thinking I could function without it.
Let me paint you a picture: I am a grown adult, with bills, responsibilities, possibly some back pain and a fondness for sensible shoes, trying to juggle a full-time job, study, and maintain the illusion that I know what I’m doing. Some people juggle flaming swords. I juggle lecture notes, deadlines, and forgotten passwords. Today, I dropped all three and somehow hit myself in the face with a metaphorical bowling pin.
Let’s rewind.
I was in class, notebook in hand, scribbling furiously because, apparently, I’ve decided that shorthand and hieroglyphics are the same thing. The student next to me, a lovely creature with the brain elasticity of a newborn dolphin (read: sharp and terrifying), asked if they could see the notes from last week.
“Of course!” I said, smiling like someone who had their life together.
But instead of handing over their notes, you know the ones I had helpfully taken for them while they were out, I handed over my notes. My personal, chaos driven stream-of-consciousness doodle diary. Complete with side tangents, passive-aggressive reminders to buy bin bags, and a very detailed sketch of a confused duck (don’t ask).
Ten minutes later I heard the words, “Umm... is this... a grocery list and a drawing of a duck fighting capitalism?”
Why yes. Yes, it is. Welcome to the inside of my brain. Population: confusion.
Meanwhile, at work:
I was somehow still expected to be a functioning adult in a workplace setting. My boss asked for a document. I stared at him blankly for a moment, then nodded confidently like a professional who totally hadn’t just written “email ducks to boss???” on a Post-it note and stuck it to her laptop.
At one point, I walked briskly into the staff kitchen with purpose. I forgot the purpose halfway through opening the fridge and just stood there, hoping the hummus would give me a sign.
Spoiler: It did not.
Lessons learned today:
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Never trust yourself to do anything before caffeine.
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Label your notes like they are radioactive materials.
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Your classmates do not need to know you name your plants or have a three-point plan for how to survive an alien invasion.
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Do not try to juggle when your brain is a confused goldfish with stage fright.
So now I sit, coffee finally in hand, notes back in my possession, one sock inside out, wondering if anyone will notice that I wore two completely different shoes today (update: they did). But I survived. I may have limped through the day with my dignity dragging behind me like a toddler’s blanket, but I’m still standing.
To all my fellow mature students out there: keep juggling. It’s okay if you drop the ball, just make sure it doesn’t land in someone else’s lap with your weekly meal plan and a poorly drawn duck attached.