moment
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Thanks for the moment
[3 minute read ]
Opinion and Reflection
Isn't it strange that we can get more than we bargained for, or hoped for, simply because we are 'on the list'. Suddenly we are taken seriously and the choice of words we hear from voices in the group are so much more pertinent to us than they might otherwise have been. Indeed, there are seemingly specific people within the milling crowd who are there for such a purpose as to guide more effectively than others may be able to do so. 'Ah, good evening Mr Bond! We were expecting you.'
I think it is the relevance of an approach that makes our ears 'prick up'. 'Oh, I think you are talking to me in a language you expect me to know, be interested to know, or will by default through a continuance of expected action come to know'.
Plainly, I am reluctant to outline where my experience of this focused intent is located. It is a worthwhile secret. Keeping secrets is a little bit against my deliberate attitude towards openness and honesty. However, I do understand that The Open University has good reasons for making sure its students are not too brazen with their truth. 'Woo hoo! I am on target for a first!' is wholly inappropriate, since that level of achievement is, I suspect, unusual, and so publicly celebrating one's ability to succeed is bound to cause other students to feel disappointed with their own work or ability. In any case, anyone who brays their celebration loudly is likely to alienate themselves from a group; quite simply through demonstrating a crassness that most of us consider to be an abomination.
I am not on target for any level of achievement. 'I have always despised the saying, 'That was then; this is now'. Yet, today I find it kind of fits, but only if I wrestle it to the ground and hold it still long enough to be able to deconstruct it.
'We used to be good friends,'
'Yeah, that was then; this is now.'
I think the intent is to shrug off the underlying and forthcoming question of, 'Why don't you like me?' which requires a detailed explanation. 'That was then and this is now' carries with it a sentiment that the speaker considers that things have changed; time has passed and their emotions have evolved and are now directed towards more current and more emotionally rewarding issues. However, in the deconstruction of this statement I find that I can reconstruct it as 'This is now; it is not the future.' This might be said by someone sharing a bed with a person they hooked up with at a nightclub the previous night, when the other person asks for a phone number the next morning. It keeps the interaction between the two people in the present. And, just like there being a ruined expectation of a present based on the past (That was then...) there is a null expectation of a future; any imagined or expected future based on the present is quashed. Hence, anyone who says, 'I am on target for...', needs to rapidly realign their thinking. (This is now....)
Often, I would get into trouble on student forums for writing cryptic comments that, once the student has untangled their own confusion as to the task they need to undertake, may have made retrospective sense of them. No student as far as I could tell, ever figured out my clues. Of course, they would never have been allowed to offer a translation of my coded message in a forum, and it is disruptive to other students to acknowledge perspicacity and accuracy in a comment that appears not to be lucid. It may even inadvertently encourage too much time being allocated to attempting to deconstruct my code, when all it was there for was to act as a reassurance that the student had independently and correctly figured something out. The trouble came not from tutors or moderators, but from students reading my comments. 'Shut up! You are confusing us with your philosophical drivel.' is one attitude I encountered. Stop reading it then! I thought.
It is a terrible thing to be confused. I do not have the skill and ability to leave a trail of carrots into a stable to encourage a donkey to go where it needs to be. I think it is Amazon who have the 'If you like this, you might also like this.' statement on their website. In some recent feedback I received, there were groupings of words used as focus points that indicated an education beyond my own in my chosen field of study. I know the words and I understand the meaning when they are grouped in a particular way. These focus points act as 'carrots'; not to encourage me into a smelly stable but instead out into fresh air and with new eyes to see new horizons with fresh curiousity. It makes me feel valued. I never seek validation for my efforts, and I am surprised that it snugly fits. I actually consider that to be a weakness in me in that I, for a moment or two, held onto the soft comfort of being the recipient of someone's respect. Thanks for the moment. I suppose that is not much different to 'This is now; it is not the future' but that is not the drive behind my gratitude and it is not an indication of any intended redistribution of my focus; just thanks for the time and effort that was put into the feedback; feedback that was clearly constructed with an idea of what I need and carried with it a good deal of respect.