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[ 6 minute read ]

Weigh the Parents

This is not about politics. Leon Spence writes a good 'blog' on his perspective on the political climate. This is more about oligopoly; or market power within the hands of a few, which would, given enough freedom, I suggest, ultimately become a controlling force in a wider sense. I provide a link to one of Leon Spence's posts as is fair, since I may well overlap his perspicacious focus with my random fantasy world.  I prefer to write - 'Just Saying!' posts, while Leon writes tidy and clear declarative statements. Leon Spence Saturday 11th October 07:49

I would like cereal manufacturers to no longer add sugar to breakfast cereals. I can't eat them because they are too sweet for me. I lived in Holland, in The Netherlands, for a while, and met an English chap who had an 'English' Shop in Delft. Because I would travel back and forth to the UK, he suggested that I pick up a consignment of Kellogg's Corn Flakes in England to deliver to his English shop in Delft, The Netherlands. 

       'Why?' I asked.

       'English people have a sweeter tooth than Dutch people.' He explained. I think English people have a sweeter tooth than most of the European countries. I think it is also a thing that emerged around about fifty years ago. I think it may go further back to when there were still milk bars that didn't sell Coca Cola. Milkshakes were cool once.

Yet, I have to put both salt and sugar in CO-OP Baked Beans. Clearly, whoever controls sugar controls what the people eat. 

Let's imagine that the Government came up with a law that banned sugar being added to foodstuffs at the source of manufacture. The home cook can do what they like at home; but can't sell their sweetened home-cooked produce. Better still, they can't even give it away at garden fetes, to friends or work colleagues. Cake in shops might have to have a sachet of sugar included separately. But without going too far into the logistics of manufacturers stuffing sugar into the consumer, we will just consider that sugar is freely available, and there are no restrictions on anyone buying it in shops. In my weird market, we might restrict the sale of yeast being bought with sugar though; like you can't buy certain pain-killers together in one transaction.

Eventually, young children would be weaned off sugar. Feeders of children would be more closely aware of how much sugar they need to purchase to satisfy their addicted family. The new conundrum would be: Heat, Eat, or Buy Sugar.' Sooner or later, because sugar is not a dietary requirement in a healthy diet, it would soon attract a premium price set by the oligopoly of sugar refiners, that we currently have, I suggest that no Government would want to be known by the opposition as a party that encourages obesity by capping the price of sugar.

There is a problem though. Have you ever had one of those 'one in a million' cups of tea when everything is in the perfect quantity and it is the right temperature? There are a lot of variables involved to get a cup of tea just right. Likewise, spooning sugar onto unsweetened corn flakes or bran flakes or coco-pops will eventually lead to applying too much sweetness rather than too little. Most of us can stand something that is just a little too sweet, but are disheartened when it is not sweet enough. If the 'sugar-bowl' (bag) is to hand, might as well chuck a bit more on the cereal, eh?

Schools would need to weigh the pupils to keep a check on the parents. Fat children can only be fat from eating too much sweet stuff or too much ultra-processed foods, I think. So, Mum and Dad must be directly contributing to an unhealthy diet. 

       'All rise!'

       'You did willfully fatten your child with an overdose of sugar over a period of months, thereby inducing an addiction to a foreign substance. A substance, mind, that has long been used as a recreational drug to induce pleasure and the consequent release of dopamine and serotonin'

       'Your honour,' called the prosecutor, 'We should like to add the charge of willfully manipulating the electro-chemical mental balance of the child in question to make the child more malleable to further controlling influence by the parents. This, your Honour is a clear case of child abuse!' Her voice raised sharply in tone and volume towards the end.

       'Weigh the parents!' cried the Judge.

Clearly, no government is going to enact a law that entirely prohibits sugar being added to breakfast cereal. Yet, strangely, Shredded Wheat is 100% wheat.

In my mind, it is cheaper to not add sugar at the source of manufacture. Also, some vitamins and minerals are added to the breakfast cereal. This should mean that breakfast cereal would be cheaper to buy, so more kids get to eat before going to school AND they get iron and some B vitamins, to boot. Unfortunately, without simple carbohydrates like refined sugar, the now slimmer and healthier kids have less available energy in the bloodstream early in the morning to motivate them to walk to school. Best get in the car then, otherwise they will be late (if they don't get up early enough to metabolise the more complex carbohydrates that cereal is).

Oh dear! We simply can't have children getting up early and waking up a bit before school - this simply will not do!

If I was in control, I would pass a law that made it compulsory for every household to have at least one bee-hive in the kitchen. I would also be the owner of the only licensed business to produce a universal spigot that fits all bee-hives so honey is 'on tap'. Imports of Chinese spigots (especially if they are called Chigots on the black market) would be subject to 100% tariffs. I would also send officers to randomly check homes for beehives and foreign spigots. There would, of course, be even higher tariffs set if a foreign spigot was ever found.

       'All rise!'

       'You did willfully tamper with a bee-hive with the intention of promoting the rise of a foreign power that is bent on undermining the sociability of the British Breakfast Table.'

The people in the gallery looked at each other, confused. 'Social?'

       'Your Honour, this person has appeared before you only a week ago for using a phone while peeing.' The prosecutor added.

       'Is nothing sacred, anymore? Weigh the parents!'

While, the theme of this post, 'What would I do if I was a controlling influence in marketing that ultimately controls a country?', was thought up this morning while I was adding sugar and salt to my tinned Baked Beans, there may be parallels with Leon Spence's posts on what UK political parties may do, or try to do. At least, I think so, but not about sugar.

Such is my addiction to sugar that while I was writing this, I ate some Honey Monster cereal with milk. I am actually lactose-intolerant. However, I am a recovering sugar addict because I stopped myself drinking the sugary milk left in the bowl. Yuck! (I only have the Honey Monster cereal because my local shop-keeper gave it to me. I only have the milk because I have the Honey Monster cereal. I am so bad!)