Personal Blogs

It's already been 9 days since my previous post — although I was aiming at posting regularly — and sadly enough it hasn't been going well with the studying bit. Apart from the fact that I'm falling behind a lot, lack the necessary energy to study after work and can't get my appartment renovation finished, I am also feeling less and less confident in my capabilities. When — at the very start of this course — I was working my way through the first few chapters in Book 1 I was mostly pleased of the notes I made for the activities in the Book. Whenever I reviewed my notes against the discussion the writer of the chapter made, I could somehow relate to the points therein. As of Book 2 this has proven to be a totally different matter. For the moment I am struggling hard to get through the Ireland chapter (and have decided to skip this weeks' Shostakovich one). I feel very lost, especially whenever — after writing yet another small text on one of the activities — I read the discussion that follows. I do realise that I shouldn't get to worked up about getting everything right, since it will only worsen my fears which eventually could lead to quiting the course.

So I need to get rid of the feeling that 'I do not know enough to comprehend' and the fears that it causes. I have found some inspiration in Twyla Tharp's book "The Creative Habit" — which I started reading a week ago. I am gonna have a go at creating for myself a 'ritual of preparation'. I won't be going to the gym as Twyla does, but I will alter my morning ceremony.

As of now I will;

• get out of bed within 5 minutes after my alarm-clock rings
• take a 15' walk around the center of town
• read a small portion of the week's chapter (taking some 45' to 60')
• eat breakfast
• go to work

To do this I will need to get up a lot earlier than I have been doing up until now. To make sure that I still get enough sleep I therefor will have to get into bed earlier. This shouldn't be a problem since I am not that productive in the evening anyway.

Since it's quite late already tonight, I will not be able to do all of the steps in full tomorrow morning. I will do the walking bit and a little reading, but it'll probably be just a page or two for this first 'trial run'. I'll just have to work towards having a working 'schedule' by next monday.