Not good. It's that feeling again, where I've had a very nice day, and I've done something different, and the whole day has been turned upside down.
Up until I made dinner at six o'clock everything was going fine. I made dinner, and now that my neighbour John has clocked on to the fact that I'm quite a good cook, he expects me to make him a prawn curry every Sunday.
John is quite an unpleasant person. He's been inside several times, that is, inside prison. Today he was telling me about his conviction as a sex offender, how once several years ago, he was in an argument at the local shop, with a female who didn't like his dog, and he got angry and "flicked her boob". He was taken to court to get a sentence and they told him he had to go on the sex offenders register for five years. We were talking about if flicking someone's boob is a bad thing to do. Obviously it is. But he seems to think it's okay.
He's this huge motherfucker, like a real dumb fucker, who can sometimes be tolerable. But today he outstayed his welcome. He really is an antisocial person, and has no idea whatever how to conduct himself in day to day living. The problem is, he's not a bad person really, but he believes things about himself that simply aren't true. I mean, I guess we all do, in a way, but to assume that somehow you are clever, or smart, or intelligent in one way or another, well that would entail that you have read a book or two, or know how to solve an equation or something. It's not that he is thick, but maybe, maybe I'm the one who is deluded there. He really is quite thick.
He says that he's been to university, and i believe him, purely on the grounds that he claims to have done two years of a sports science degree, and never completed it. I do not know how he did that, it beggars belief.
The man claims to be emotional. He is constantly being banned from facebook for his lewd conduct against women, and yes, he is not very nice to those. He has done time for assaulting a woman, during which time his mother died. I knew his mother. She was a small Irish lady who would walk her dog. I would sometimes talk to her. John thinks about his mother a lot, and he likes to sing songs, and he is very overbearing. He outstayed his welcome tonight. I made him curry, and he sat there in the front room drinking a beer and being belligerent, and obtuse.
There's times when I can put up with John, and I don't mind him that much. But I have realised that he is partly to blame for the way I feel at the moment. And it's embarrassing for me, because I have to come online and spill my guts about things I would rather not face, and do so in public. John will never see this, so I could effectively say anything I liked about him. But in a way, I want to help him, although John is beyond help. He is an alcoholic, mildly. That is, he likes a drink and spends most of his free time watching television and drinking. He really is beyond help. He does nothing with his life.
It's just so hard to communicate with stupid people. They're too thick to realise they can't communicate properly. John really has no brains, and nothing to say, and that's the worst combination with a guy like myself, who is patient and understanding, and quite naïve. He'll come in and be burly and obnoxious, and you just have to laugh. I laugh nervously, and I get put out of my rhythm and can't get it back. That's why I have to come here to complain.
Some days are good. But I have a sensitive brain. What does John want from me? He wants people to be nice to him, but he's never nice to anybody. He really is an unpleasant person. It's hard to keep your distance from someone when they live within a stone's throw of you. I would have come to blows with him many times, for his meanness and obnoxiousness, and rudeness and obtuseness. But I have to live with him.
I know why he comes round. He wants to make himself feel good, and this is the problem with people with no self esteem. They have to bully you and make a noise, and a loud noise, until you can't hear yourself think.
John was laughing at an internet video, which is so base and irrelevant, where there's a naked woman in the bathroom, then a man's arse comes and farts, and he loves it. It's so frustrating.
I wish he would read a book. If he could do that one thing, it would change his life forever. He would have something to say, and something to say that would compensate for the shit he talks, which is quite a lot. He will tell me what he saw on television, and claim to have something to say. He will claim to have an opinion about coronavirus, and the conspiracy theories, and I just haven't got it in me to engage him in a discussion about it. He is so obnoxious.
And here I am wasting my time, trash-talking my obnoxious neighbour, because he's done something to my brain in the mode in which I have allowed him to believe himself my intellectual equal. He's not. But I have a way of making stupid people think they have a braincell rattling around in their brain. And I keep saying, I feel sorry for him, and I don't mind making him prawn curry. But for fuck sake, John! Lad, read a book, for fuck sake. Your brain is rotten from MTV, and being nasty to your girlfriend, who lives in Manchester, and who talks to you on the phone. God she must be as bad as you.
You are not clever, John, I am sorry. You are just loud, obnoxious, abrasive, rude, and thoughtless. And I wish I didn't have to say this, but I do, I have to, because that's the way things are.
I'm glad you're a sex offender, John, but sometimes, boy, I wish you were in prison.
That's it, there's nothing more to say.
Love from Daniel.