Hello all blog men and women,
I begin my entry by putting down the great feeling I have associated with the practice of learning physics. It is one of happiness, and contentment.
How glad I am to be finally off the marijuana! It makes study so much easier.
In addition, it is nice to have chosen to pursue this endeavour of study, and I'm sure you will agree, what an endeavour.
That other old love of mine, music. I'm sure I will come back to you, one fine day. I'm not very good at music anyway. Well...
This quantum mechanics is mind-blowing. And how practical, and how complacent one can become. How expedient to use the time in lockdown to do something as nice as study, thus.
The practice of physics, I have yet to consolidate. But by Lord, I'm anticipating the practice to achieve fruition.
I am feeling mildly confident, however, as to passing this level 2 module, and wish to continue to higher and higher levels, and I put this down in writing with a view to crystallise my whims. This has worked up until now.
And in other news, the quantum state of my mental health is now reaching a level of boringness that is so dire that I must be cured of it. Yes, sanity is of necessity the most mundane of all positions; to come to learn to love it could be the greatest struggle of all. So we must pass this knowledge on to sufferers of addictions. For at least in normality you can get something done, and I just recently have approached the idea.
And what is normality for me appears to be a world apart from that of many individuals, in the current age. We should have this down by July, and we will help each of our peers through it. There is more to this quarantine than meets the eye. I must say, tonight we move forward to attack tomorrow, without qualms. I know, it is starting to get boring - all this waiting until the curve is flattened. All we need is a little patience. And perhaps a little altruism, and perhaps a routine. But that is all. We are all a little tired, and we all need a hug.
As I am able to claim, I have a fine girlfriend now, with a beautiful mind. Yet, it is not possible to hold her. For such a pleasure, one must absolutely be patient. The goal is to forward our notions with a modicum of diligence, and diligence with satisfaction, and it can be done. We must all do this, every single day, and we hope nature will support this goal. In short, we must use this eon to place our house in order. That is the simplest it gets. We will have the assistance of government, but we must assist them to assist us, and without waiting for the gift. We understand the plight, and pray the economy can handle it. Don't be astounded by society's unbelievable grit, especially to a Brit! (but also, all across the plane of the Earth.) And hope is not the only emotion. Everything is going to be alright.
And so it goes, everything must be got out the way. I have just given myself a half pill of sleeping drugs, which didn't work, and the very blog we currently read was not finished and no matter the pill taken, you must go until satisfaction, and do so like you are on some other drug; it is only right. I do not understand why much of our planning does not go well on the initial run, lads. Okay, I knew the time was to be a whole hour of, and of full complication in the new and good thoughts we learned, somehow, during the course of the day. Why you didn't merely continue like you knew you had planned, I fail to know the existence of a reason. And you know, it makes me so tired, that it is one of the reasons I knacker my life and life's energy. There's the boy.
What an interesting change of affairs; forgive me my verbosity. For the lessons of the day, have made it so clear in the eye, that there is more to be said, and all changes, and we start to get used to it all, and we try to believe, and it all comes to nothing. There is more, and what a failing day. That started too well, and ended badly as it could, and within the final three seconds. And for an hour's sleep, well how would that be the a thing? I do not know. It makes no sense. I want it to be a thing; I wish it.
What story I would like to tell is borne out in the events of the day: in short, I awoke, I worked and spoke to my best friend, and I spoke to my girlfriend, and spoke to a receptionist in the NHS surgery at Mill Hill. And she advised me, and provided knowledge, that I have a prescription to collect - of perfect sleeping tablets which have failed me tonight. And it had royally annoyed me. HE really does laugh at our plans. I mean He pisses himself. And all we can do, and all you can do, and all I can do is follow the course, and try to feel the plan that He has.
It is religious. The whole thing. I need be like you wish me to be surreptitious, for feel my annoyance. It is anger at myself, and I am only ever angry at myself. I fail too much. I had a thread there, and now I cannot feel such a thread, and this will always amount to ushering in the sorrows of youth, whatever those may be, you slaves. COVID-19 is driving us all insane. Some think it's a conspiracy; some think it is God. Others think it is natural psychology, and I have been wondering at the consequences and ways and means of the psychological methods of infection avoidance. I really have, you know. I always say it. It is natural psychology. That is, COVID-19 can be solved through psychosomatic means. Those are all original theories. Allow me to explain.
Even the common cold is psychosomatic ( I do not know the exact science). Such a conjecture needs to be understood. Psychosomatic phenomena relates to what the nature of the world dictates, and such a point is made. The nature of the world is made of at least a dichotomy: The man made and the structure of what is allowed in the physical universe, which are both (let me assure you, but do not take my word for it) in connection to reality, and this is the pain of punishment. You must be true to yourself, your nature, and the natural world around you. You must try remain in cohabitation with all these effects, and knowing that morality is the connection, is not such a terrible point of view. for morality can tell how phenomena shall pan out, for it is in the world, and in you. I do not know the exact reasons why. But my hunch is that when an action made by a human is made in the name of being good (not necessarily a relativity of morality), you will instantly see that there is a good that comes from it. This is the point. It is simple: be a good person, and refrain from depravity, and refrain from destitution, and refrain from desperation. (Although I have failed in timely fashion at this latter instruction). Keep government as a vessel of human sanctity, borne of what is thought right, within these confines, and constructs. Use the restrictions and recommendations to your advantage; see them as pointers to help us all achieve a cleaner society. For all my own libidinous desecration, life is a learning curve. Perhaps that is why tonight I have failed. And I will fail, and I will continue to fail, and it will be to my own disadvantage. It will hurt.
I will not achieve what I originally set out to achieve, here in the thread. You know what I mean about this. IT could have gone so well, and I had doubts. I very much certainly doubted myself. And here is my plea, and here is my prayer. Dear Lord. Please forgive me my failings, and know that I will always try to do your will, no matter the scene of connections to my failings, that I cannot understand your ways. I am not a God, I am a human. I have had a routine for three weeks now, and one night you asked me to change such a routine, and I failed to accept the request, and I am sorry, and please forgive me; I take not the living piss.
We go again, for the hour is nearly up, and I have done the best I can to solve this crisis, as some coronavirus doctors and professors have so diligently done. I know, Lord, that I could have done better in my day - I pursue the next with great anticipation, and forgive me for shagging your leg whenever I see you at my table; you are wise and great, and I would do anything for you. I was confused by your anger, and now my capability to complete the original task is clear. I have said, and it is said, that you laugh at our plans. But tonight I may have possibly laughed at yours. Yet it is a strange and difficult task to be sensitive to your feelings. I thought what I gave was enough, and I am human, and I fail. The thread was lost, but it is still unsalvageable. I hope you will forgive me! Forgive me Lord, and let me not fall into mirth and hilarity, for I have killed a thousand thousand, and I was sorry, and I never knew pain. All those lost, and the science behind the regeneration of their souls.... I am sure everything will be alright in the end. And I know my place; I know my thoughts (some of them fully). And I know that I will cry to be sensitive to the most important things - they are difficult to navigate, all amongst the notions of personal disbelief in your ways. I struggle to come to terms with the extremes of my responsibilities in this life, I am sorry I took your love. I will perform my utmost to understand my position in this critical time of pandemic and pestilence. And I am sorry that I threw burning hot water upon all the thousands of creatures that fell from the garden pot which I lifted. I did it from curiosity, and from that they seemed so ugly. I hear their screams, of these insects, every day, and it crushes, and I know it made your anger over boil. I am sorry Lord. Please forgive me. Hear my screams, as I scream in the night, throughout the night, every night.
I will not cry tonight, but I know of my failings, and I know your jealous, and merciful ways. I have faith in you, my Lord, please take me back into our arms, tonight. I love you.