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Saint Lucia

Science and God and me

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Welcome you, and good morning. 

I told myself I would blog in the morning, and so I settle down to think about things. 

One thing I should really try to not do is post my blogs to facebook, once they're done. It's such a wasted endeavour. Every time I do, I think, -This is the one, this will get the likes, this will get my point across. Facebook is not like that, I know. It is more about posting pictures of a minion with his arse showing, and it is all slightly embarrassing. I put a lot of effort into these blogs, in terms of time and honesty, and you get the sense that people just do not get it at all! Especially for me. I'll post something up and, rather than "Good job!" or "Great post" or "Here's a comment that gives my personal point", you get, "Are you okay?" or "I'm worried about you!" It's totally counterproductive, and a complete and utter waste of time. I don't like facebook, I'll be honest. It gives me a bad feeling. I think what bothers me at heart is that no one gives a crap about what I have to say. All the while I seem to be under the impression that they do. They don't, and that's that, and there it is. 

Yesterday was a strange day right up until I was able to blog that last post. It says it all in there as a matter of fact: I was fatigued by working, then I was tired, then I went online once again, wrote out all those words, and finally realised that what I have to do is to accept myself as a schizophrenic. I have done that; I know I'm schizophrenic. I just never knew how important it is to put myself out there as one. You tend to think that being schizophrenic is something you have to hide and pretend away. In light of what I said yesterday, I just want to reiterate the point, that there is a 'social feeling' in society that I need to engage in. And this culminates in trust of the media, and that is, the mainstream media, which is classed in the 'standards' of humans in the world. This standard extends across the entire spectrum of human achievement, from the daily news to education. I feel as if I need to make a point about that. I want to go in for that thing, and in some ways it is true that I have no choice, but I also have reservations. We are just humans, and even in science there is an element of untruth about it. 

Take Flat Earth theory. These theorists take scientists as liars. But science is as honest as it could be; if scientists are not right about something, it's not really their fault, because we just experiment and see what works, and if something works we keep it. It's hard. I want to debunk science in a way, to say that everything we've ever achieved has nothing to do with actual objective facts. People can say, "Flat Earth theorists are stupid; of course the world is round," but we don't know that. We don't know it! We have never seen the round Earth. The fact is, that the science we have discovered works. That is to say, the scientific regime works as if the world is round. But it might not be. It might very well be flat! It might be flat, and it might be a thousand other shapes and surfaces. All we do in science is take people's for their word. Just because a whole bunch of people think the same thing, doesn't make it true. That's the doctrine of "might is right", and they have done studies about it, and might is right is not necessarily the objective truth. I hope I have made my point. I hope so, because there is a niggling thought in my mind that I cannot seem to bear out. It culminates in the spiritual and holy thoughts of religion and God. 

I think I have a choice, between religion/God, and science. Not rehash the point, but I have had some religious experiences, that I now think I have personally debunked. The experiences are, that I have "met" God, that I have encountered "truth" in the bible, that these religious experiences have helped me through hard times, and have been something which I have been able to rely on in hard times. But when I look at the world, I nowadays do not see God - whatsoever! It's about those times when you see a truth for yourself, like when you're studying a concept and then suddenly everything makes sense. For me, unfortunately, these religious machinations come to me in the throes of deep sleep, whilst I'm inside some dream or other, and I wake and I understand everything. Like this other night when I did that, and woke and realised the truth and structural formation of evolution. Or other times when I have seen the spiritual recognition of my own "Christ consciousness". Or other times when I simply figure out the structural form of an equation of physics. I think however, that the "sanest" way I can approach my life today, is to reject religion/God and accept science and the scientific regime. I fail to see God nowadays, but science, I can get into that. 

And there it is, and there you have it. 

Stay safe. 

Dan

x


 Unfortunately 

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Saint Lucia

COVID-19:- Developments: personal and social

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Welcome ye, 

Hello there, how are you? How am I? How, indeed, are things going for you right now? Bloody fantastic, I must interject, and there it is and there you have it. Well, and perhaps not so good. Perhaps my mind has deteriorated, from the inundation of surplus hours and hours of studying and working - mainly, in the physics regime. Yes, for I have gone quite, quite insane. And by that I do not mean to say that you yourself have gone insane, but that I myself have gone quite, quite doolally. 

I just spent an hour working on a topic of physics, namely (and what was the topic), the blackbooty spectrum. And it was over an hour, in truth, approximating to approximately two hours, or two and a half hours, and I took down the particulars. And henceforth, when it all culminated in a conclusion, I was dismayed, certainly, to find that the problem was indeed a classically moot concept, which was not in use for the solutions to the problem. And now I find that the problem is indeed a "heads up" in the mode of the quantum solutions, yet imagine my dismay, to have all my good work... thrown down the pan!!! 

I guess I don't mind. I actually performed one of the equations. But I wonder, how can the open university expect us to be able to keep up with this immense workload? Well, I imagine, that that is because I was two weeks behind, for the reasons of the coronavirus. 

Remember the coronavirus? Do you recall that era? That was a strange time indeed, forsooth. We all had to stay in the house and try to keep abreast of things. That reminds me, I must check upon the daily round up of news. But before I do so, I would like to mention that I am not so fascinated by the questions of conspiracies in light of the current situation. 

Now it says here, that the United Kingdom has the greatest number of deaths in Europe. We are second only to the United States. This is certainly a good reason to stay the course inside. So I must be wrong about my considerations of the COVID-19 disease being, in its capacity, a psychological phenomenon. I simply cannot understand how we have had so many deaths? We all locked down, didn't we? We all stayed in quarantine. But the good news is that the NHS is handling the situation. 

The news certainly is a bitch. I feel a little stunned, and now a great deal more worried. Have we reached a peak yet? Why are the elderly dying? They are vulnerable, but where did they pick up the virus? It's a state I'm in that equates to confusion. Why are people in care homes picking up the virus? Is it something to do with the NHS? I am actually in shock. Nearly 30,000 deaths!! I wish I was able to help. I wish I was able to say something comforting. 

And there I was, thinking about suicide. 

What would happen if I were to test positive for Coronavirus??

They are saying we could have done things differently. We're in week seven of lockdown, and they think we could have done things differently. 29,427 people have died, as of the fifth of May. I would like to know if that's exactly related to coronavirus, or there are other factors. Yes, the elderly and vulnerable are dying. Why can't we protect them? 

I haven't been watching much television. In fact, my only source of media has been the open university website, and I think that's as good as any. We do not have to be so morosely attached to the mainstream media, however, perhaps I should be a little more in tune with the feelings of common social discourse, maybe. 

The lockdown is working, they say. So that's good news. 

I should personally be extra careful, because I am a smoker, and a fairly heavy one at that. And they say, that you are four times more likely to catch the disease in that band. 

I still get the sense of a psychological cause... Am I a fool? I should not spread misinformation. Media is just fine, in the sense that we as humans are in fact central to natural existence. In a strange way, the media can help keep you sane - at least, further from real insanity. I don't want to say what I'm thinking. 

But now, I must interject, that it is of utmost importance to treat the coronavirus as a true and real threat, and not to mess around and joke about with claims of conspiracy, to treat the coronavirus for what it is - a virus that is killing people all over the world. 

And there it is again: That thought of psychology... It cannot be put into words. I would like to redeem myself by asking about the science of COVID-19. 

I must say, I feel at odds with my situation, that is, of being on benefits for illness. Yet I am trying my best to keep on with work, and perhaps this is the best I can do. I am doing the best I can to do my bit, which is merely by quarantining and locking down. For the worries are social, economic, scientific, political. 

I'm listening to a science podcast on the topic of the psychology of conspiracies. The points being made are, that conspiracies are a way to help people understand their anxieties, and the world; that social media is spreading misinformation; that people who lack critical thinking abilities are more likely to believe in conspiracies. I conclude that the virus is a real physical threat (if it ever needed to be affirmed). Narcissists are more likely to believe in conspiracy theories. When you are in an environment that increases your uncertainty this makes you more susceptible to conspiracies. When you believe in one conspiracy theory, you are more likely to believe in others, for example, if you believe the virus is man-made, then you are more likely to believe in the 5G conspiracy theories. Confirmation bias. Proportionality bias: the coronavirus event is a massive event. Many people are out of their minds with fear. Me? I'm just out of my mind. 

I have problems. I'm glad I'm studying science, for the narcissistic reasons (obviously), and others. But why am I so skeptical about the governmental and scientific evidence about the coronavirus? I must remember that I am in fact a paranoid schizophrenic, which means that I have had experiences, and none more so than in the last few weeks. I have problems, and have had experiences, but I have good reasons to believe the things that go on in my head. I also have good reasons to ignore those things and connect into the mainstream media. It's a strange world outside, I can assure you, and I'm not sure I like it. I miss people, real contact. But now, I am coming to think that the scientific and social view of myself is a far cry, in fact, from the philosophical and spiritual person I was once trying to attain to in life. Some people have called me a plethora of things, from genius, to queer, to dickhead, to paranoid schizophrenic. I feel the medicinal view is the most debilitating, for it is the hardest to accept. Yet, in fact, that is who I am. I am not the Christ, I am not a God, I am not an angel. I am a paranoid schizophrenic. That is how the doctors see things, that is how my mother sees things. That is how I should see myself - even in light of my esoteric views on the topic of what we take to be authority. Because I have been studying science for a very long time, and I wish to pursue science, and gain credence in this subject. I have to relent and even acquiesce to the whims of medicinal, or medical authority. And I had such hopes for the psychological legacy! 

I am not there yet. Perhaps the diligence must be strenuous, and perhaps the work will not be fun. But the fun is over. I want to see this pandemic through and make it over to the other side. You know, I couldn't explain those conspiracies nevertheless! So that is it. 

Now I think of it, I have been lacking a modicum of faith recently. Faith is like a rule of life - it will always rear its head in your moments of despair, and you can fall back on it. But science is truth, and reality. It is really the best way to accept your life. I want to retire from my fears about the way society identifies me. I want to accept myself. I'm a paranoid schizophrenic. 

Best wishes

Daniel. 

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