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Christopher Taylor

Finding out about stress and anxiety

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Back in 2015 I was having some pain in my right hand side, just under my rib cage. I didn't say much about it at first, but eventually went to the walk in centre and got myself checked out. The doctor said "it may be a 'grumbling' appendix", and did that weird finger quotation mark signal around the word 'grumbling'. Because I wasn't in any acute pain, they just told me to carry on as normal, and if it were to worsen to head to A and E. A few days passed, and I felt a sudden worsening. It was a Sunday, and I went to A and E as advised. Doctor examined me, and said I should have an ultrasound scan to check out the problem. Nothing ever came of this and I carried on; the pain seemed to subside and I forgot about it. I was relieved, but slightly concerned that it had been left hanging!

A year passed, and I started to feel nauseous. I left it, and by the time I got to the fourth week of feeling awful I went to the walk in centre. It was déja vu. The doctor said that I was to get an ultrasound scan, it may be a "grumbling" appendix (same signal, same script!). 

I had an issue now, though. I had never really been to the doctors and just moved house. On the same day, I decided to head straight to the local GP and sign up. They told me that I couldn't book anything until my details had been registered and my records received. Day later, I phoned. I just asked straight away if I could somehow book in an ultrasounds scan. By now I had forced myself to allow Google to override my coherent mind, and well... I was going to die of a burst appendix! The woman on the phone was sorry: I had to wait until my details were updated, then have an initial check up to make sure that I wasn't a lunatic and then, ONLY THEN could I book an appointment to ask the doctor for a scan. What a nightmare. 

I finally got my initial check up done- slightly high blood pressure. No wonder. I then saw the doctor re:the scan. She said - "nope- too high for the appendix. Liver or lungs, Mr. Taylor". This was turning into even more of a nightmare than I had anticipated. It was just never-ending.

I was booked in for blood tests, flaked out and spent 3 hours in the doctor's surgery. Two nurses (two incredible nurses) made me tea and stopped their mornings-worth of patients. Just for me. I felt very special indeed, and it was only then when I began to tell a medical professional about the huge amount of strain I had put myself under. I was carrying so much on my shoulders, yet I prioritised a bit of a flickering side pain when I finally got given my GP slot a few days previous. 

I told the nurses about my full time job, about my 6 month old tuition company, my wedding in August, how we'd just moved house, how I was a a full-time Open University student and about my (sometimes) dependent family members. I didn't shy away from explaining that I was a bit particular about pretty much everything I did. They told me it was a bit of a toxic combination, and after the 3 hours, I went to see another doctor.  

It ended up with me being signed off for two weeks before Christmas. Once I had had the ultrasound scan and my bloods etc had come back fine, the doc put it plainly and simply: the stress was having a physical effect on my body. On telling me how tense I was, I breathed out, and realised he was right. This was a huge moment... 


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Christopher Taylor

OCD and Worry

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The first term is over and I have to say it's not been too bad thus far. 

What does play with the OCD is the fact that the 'new week' officially starts on a Saturday. Following the course materials has  been manageable, but when you have one lapse, it has a knock-on effect which means you can be sat in the same place for hours trying to catch up. This has happened once or twice. 

One thing that I have noticed is how I have a mild panic when someone merely refers to something I haven't yet come across in a unit. What I've found is that when you then "learn this for the first time", it acts as a revision, so the panic should be avoided if possible. 

TMA2 is fast approaching, and it's a written one. I've been making full use of both Babelia and Pratique in order that the TMA comes more naturally. Writing is filled with far more dread than speaking is for me, as I feel I can explain my around things eventually. 

I suppose, though, if it were easy, there'd be no point! Allez, Courage!

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