We all know "A for 'orses and Beef or mutton". Here are some more...
A for good one
B for dam
C for yourself
D for rent
E for heavy sigh
F for loving
G for 'orse
H for himself
I for the moon
...
That's all for tonight.
J for any further ideas?
Personal Blogs
Awfulbet
Tuesday, 25 Apr 2017, 21:27
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Edited by Richard Walker, Tuesday, 25 Apr 2017, 22:39
Never Work with Wombats
Monday, 24 Apr 2017, 23:02
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There was a young fellow called Lance
Who tried to teach wombats to dance.
And his brother, named Jim
Tried to train them to swim.
A crazy idea with no chance.
Who tried to teach wombats to dance.
And his brother, named Jim
Tried to train them to swim.
A crazy idea with no chance.
The Starry Messenger
Sunday, 23 Apr 2017, 21:51
Visible to anyone in the world
Edited by Richard Walker, Sunday, 23 Apr 2017, 21:52
The angel came at last
It was just like a tiny insect.
When I heard it buzz I cried
What an impertinence.
Don't I deserve better?
I was expecting a celestial being
With wings the colour and softness of clouds
Not those puny flexing things.
I was destined to be carried up
On wings stronger than the snow goose.
Mighty arms to swoop me up
Into the pigeon loft of song.
Reading my mind, the angel replied
Majesty is the creator's alone
Who has sent me as his agent
I can only do what is in my nature.
But rest assured
Creations smaller than me
Will have and hold you
Until you reach the stars once more.
It was just like a tiny insect.
When I heard it buzz I cried
What an impertinence.
Don't I deserve better?
I was expecting a celestial being
With wings the colour and softness of clouds
Not those puny flexing things.
I was destined to be carried up
On wings stronger than the snow goose.
Mighty arms to swoop me up
Into the pigeon loft of song.
Reading my mind, the angel replied
Majesty is the creator's alone
Who has sent me as his agent
I can only do what is in my nature.
But rest assured
Creations smaller than me
Will have and hold you
Until you reach the stars once more.
Limerick
Friday, 21 Apr 2017, 23:46
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There was a young fellow called Lee
Who thought that his Gran was a flea.
When he said to her, "Jump!"
She just answered, "Harrump!"
A witty response, you'll agree.
In the End
Friday, 21 Apr 2017, 21:29
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If you're an old Viking,
Who can't afford a ship.
Don't worry.
We'll all be washed out to sea in the end.
From the AEF
Wednesday, 19 Apr 2017, 21:34
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Edited by Richard Walker, Wednesday, 19 Apr 2017, 21:40
inherited, n.
A soft toy passed down by forebears.
counsellor, n.
A blood bank, esp. in Transylvania.
I went to the Doctor
Tuesday, 18 Apr 2017, 23:24
Visible to anyone in the world
"Doctor", I said, "Tell me the worst." I waited.
"Vell" she began. Did I tell you she has a rather sexy German accent, a bit like Marlene Dietrich? Anyway, she does. Husky.
She went on, "It's never easy." It sounded bad but I tried to keep calm.
"You murst...", that's the way she talks, I'm not making it up.
"You murst cut down on sausages."
I went to the Doctor
Monday, 17 Apr 2017, 22:52
Visible to anyone in the world
I went to the doctor, I said "I keep dreaming I'm a world-famous cricketer." He said, "We'll have to run some tests."
Cheese Joke
Monday, 17 Apr 2017, 20:05
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What kind of cheese lands you in the guardhouse?
Advisin Emma
Monday, 17 Apr 2017, 19:48
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"Emma", I said. "Do try to be less self-centered."
"Em, Em, Em. It's always about Me."
Not made up
Monday, 17 Apr 2017, 18:10
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Apparently in Oregon qualifying seniors can get a discount at Dunkin' Donuts. What I want to know is, do you have to show an Oregon donut card?
I went to the Doctor
Monday, 17 Apr 2017, 17:43
Visible to anyone in the world
Edited by Richard Walker, Monday, 17 Apr 2017, 17:45
I kept hearing this buzzing. I went to the Doctor, I said, "Is it tinnitus?" He said, "No, you've got hives."
I went to the Doctor
Monday, 17 Apr 2017, 11:10
Visible to anyone in the world
Edited by Richard Walker, Monday, 17 Apr 2017, 17:36
I went to the doctor, I said ”I keep thinking I'm the Moon." He said, "We all go through these phases."
Phew!
Monday, 17 Apr 2017, 01:12
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I was arrested for coffee theft. But the police didn't have sufficient grounds for a prosecution.
Latest words in the Awful English Fictionary
Sunday, 16 Apr 2017, 21:21
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vagrant, n.
A confused complaint.
inversion, n.
A currently fashionable interpretation.
New Band
Sunday, 16 Apr 2017, 21:13
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After a long break from music, I've founded a new band, The Cheese Shop Boys.
Look out for our debut single, You Were Always on My Rind.
Clerihew
Sunday, 16 Apr 2017, 01:51
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Sir Francis Drake
Was eating some hake.
When he made up his minde
To sail round the world in the Golden Hinde.
For Springs
Sunday, 16 Apr 2017, 01:04
Visible to anyone in the world
Now is the time
When all our springs need a good clean
Especially if they are rusty
Or just playing dirty, as they do.
And if they look wound up
They might need watching
In case they uncoil
From the intoxication of being oiled.
And we must take good care
They aren't forcibly compressed
As spring washers, who over and over
See Time clean and unclean her bloodied paws.
When all our springs need a good clean
Especially if they are rusty
Or just playing dirty, as they do.
And if they look wound up
They might need watching
In case they uncoil
From the intoxication of being oiled.
And we must take good care
They aren't forcibly compressed
As spring washers, who over and over
See Time clean and unclean her bloodied paws.
Dear Auntie
Saturday, 15 Apr 2017, 20:50
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Dear Auntie,
As I grow older I feel increasingly anxious. Should I worry about this?
One Liner
Saturday, 15 Apr 2017, 20:06
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I was accused of stealing building materials. But there was no concrete evidence.
It pays to advertise
Saturday, 15 Apr 2017, 00:45
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Edited by Richard Walker, Saturday, 15 Apr 2017, 00:50
Business stuck? Why not place an ad here?
Haiku for Spring Rain
Friday, 14 Apr 2017, 21:47
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Edited by Richard Walker, Friday, 14 Apr 2017, 21:48
Walking home
Alone in the rain, I smelled.
Wet clothes. So I exist.
Fenland memories
Thursday, 13 Apr 2017, 22:24
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It only took one barley sugar to get Gran going and then her warmth filled the room. That's what you find with confection eaters.
A joke from a fool
Monday, 10 Apr 2017, 00:45
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Three men were sitting on a park bench. Which one was the king?
Bright Star Haiku
Sunday, 9 Apr 2017, 22:33
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Edited by Richard Walker, Sunday, 9 Apr 2017, 22:40
When I felt those bright stars
They were so warm.
They glowed but they could only ask.
If another angel of intelligence
Could explain the strangeness of starriness.
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