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Gabriel Costa

Pretty Hurts, but it doesn't have to.

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       How many times have you found yourself staring at your reflection, wondering if you measure up to the standards set by society? Have you ever scrolled through social media, feeling a pang of inadequacy as you compare yourself to the flawless images flooding your feed? These experiences are all too common in a world where beauty often reigns supreme. The pursuit of perfection can be both intoxicating and destructive. The phrase “pretty hurts” captures this paradox: the societal pressure to meet unrealistic beauty standards frequently comes at a significant cost, not only to our physical health but also to our emotional and mental well-being.

The Weight of Societal Expectations

From a young age, we are bombarded with messages that dictate what is considered beautiful. Media, advertisements, and even social platforms set the tone, showcasing flawless skin, sculpted bodies, and unattainable ideals. For many, these expectations become a standard they feel compelled to achieve. The endless chase for perfection, however, often leads to feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and even self-loathing.

The Cost of Beauty

The beauty industry, valued at billions of dollars, thrives on insecurities. It markets products and services as the solutions to perceived flaws. From invasive surgeries to the latest skincare products, people invest significant amounts of time, money, and effort to fit the mould. While some changes can enhance confidence, others may come with lasting consequences, such as health complications from cosmetic procedures or the psychological toll of obsessive comparison.

Mental Health Implications

The impact of striving for beauty is not just skin-deep. Studies have linked the obsession with physical appearance to issues such as anxiety, depression, and body dysmorphic disorder (BDD). Social media—with its filters and curated content—only amplifies these struggles, fostering an environment where self-worth is often tied to likes and validation from others.

The Role of Social Media

Social media platforms have become a double-edged sword in modern society. While they offer a space for connection and self-expression, they also foster an environment ripe for comparison. Users are inundated with images of seemingly perfect lives and appearances, often unaware of the extensive editing or selective portrayal behind these posts. This constant exposure can erode self-esteem and create unrealistic expectations.

The algorithmic nature of social media intensifies these effects. Platforms frequently promote content that aligns with users' interests, inadvertently creating an echo chamber of idealised beauty standards. As individuals compare their unfiltered realities to curated online personas, feelings of inadequacy and dissatisfaction grow, exacerbating mental health struggles.

Moreover, the pressure to maintain an online presence—with likes, comments, and followers serving as metrics of validation—further compounds these issues. The pursuit of digital approval can lead to obsessive behaviours, such as over-editing photos or striving for trends that compromise authenticity. This cycle of comparison and validation often leaves users trapped in a state of perpetual discontent.

Breaking Free from the Beauty Trap

To combat the harmful effects of beauty pressures, it is essential to cultivate self-acceptance and challenge societal norms. This involves:

Redefining Beauty: Embracing the diversity of appearances and recognising that beauty comes in many forms.

Media Literacy: Being critical of the content we consume and understanding that much of what we see is heavily edited or staged.

Prioritising Health Over Aesthetics: Focusing on habits that promote physical and mental well-being rather than conforming to an ideal.

Building a Supportive Community: Surrounding oneself with people who value authenticity and encourage self-love.

Conclusion

“Pretty hurts,” but it doesn’t have to. By shifting our focus from external validation to internal fulfilment, we can break free from the damaging cycle of beauty standards. True beauty lies not in perfection but in self-acceptance and the courage to be authentic in a world that often demands otherwise.

References

1.Widdows, H., PhD. (2024, January 29). Are social media algorithms perpetuating the beauty ideal? Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/perfect-me/202401/social-media-and-unrealistic-beauty-ideals

2. American Psychological Association. (2023, February). Social media effects on body image: Evidence and interventions. APA News. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2023/02/social-media-body-image

3. Kaziga, R., Muchunguzi, C., Achen, D., & Kools, S. (2021). Beauty Is Skin Deep; The Self-Perception of Adolescents and Young Women in Construction of Body Image within the Ankole Society. International journal of environmental research and public health, 18(15), 7840. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph18157840

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Gabriel Costa

Do you have "Fear Of Missing Out" ?

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Edited by Gabriel Costa, Tuesday, 26 Nov 2024, 21:07

               

          You wake up feeling groggy and unmotivated to face the day ahead. Your phone, fully charged, sits beside your bed like an invitation you can’t resist. Without hesitation, you pick it up, unlock the screen, and connect to the internet. Instantly, a cascade of notifications floods in—a colourful, interactive spectacle designed to captivate your attention. Messages from friends, random videos in your DMs, bold subject lines from emails, missed calls, and new matches on dating apps all compete for your focus, pulling you deeper into the digital vortex. 

Without even noticing, your thumb starts swiping, scrolling, and tapping. Just a few minutes, you tell yourself. Suddenly, those minutes stretch into half an hour, sometimes even more. By the time you put the phone down, your to-do list has barely begun, and your energy feels drained before your day has truly started. 

Sound familiar? If it does, you’re not alone. 

The Grip of Endless Scrolling 

It's not surprising to learn that research indicates the average person checks their phone 144 times a day—roughly once every 10 minutes of waking hours. But it’s more than just checking; it’s about being mentally checked out. While you might believe you're in control, each ping, vibration, and notification is meticulously crafted to capture your attention and keep you engaged, often pulling you away from the present moment. 

A groundbreaking study published that excessive smartphone use triggers a release of dopamine, the same neurotransmitter linked to gambling and substance addiction. Every like, retweet, or match gives your brain a small hit of pleasure, creating a cycle that keeps you coming back for more. (Elhai et al., 2016)

But here’s the kicker: this instant gratification comes at a cost. 

The Cost of Convenience 

As smartphones dominate our daily routines, they take a toll on our cognitive functions. Studies have shown that multitasking between apps fragments your attention span and reduces your ability to concentrate. In a famous study from the Journal of the Association for Consumer Research, participants who merely had their phones nearby—even turned off—performed significantly worse on cognitive tasks compared to those who left their phones in another room. (University of Texas at Austin, 2017) 

Then there’s the issue of sleep. Scrolling through your screen late at night disrupts your circadian rhythm, thanks to the blue light emitted by your device. A review in Scientific Reports found that prolonged exposure to this light not only reduces sleep quality but also delays REM sleep, the restorative stage crucial for mental and emotional well-being. (Chen et al., 2021) 

Are We Losing Ourselves? 

But perhaps the most concerning effect isn’t physical or cognitive—it’s emotional. Studies link heavy smartphone use to higher rates of anxiety, depression, and loneliness. Ironically, the very platforms designed to connect us often leave us feeling more isolated. 

Think about it: when was the last time you sat through an entire meal without checking your phone? Or engaged in a conversation without the urge to glance at a notification? 

Psychologists call this phenomenon "phubbing"—the act of snubbing someone in favour of your phone. Not only does it harm relationships, but it also feeds into a loop of disconnection and distraction. 

A key driver of this behaviour is FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out. This psychological phenomenon thrives in the age of smartphones, where every notification feels like a ticket to connection or an opportunity you might otherwise miss. According to a 2020 study in Computers in Human Behaviour, individuals with high FOMO are more likely to overuse their phones, seeking constant updates to alleviate their anxiety. But ironically, the more you check, the more disconnected you feel from the present moment—and from yourself. 

The Road to Awareness 

So, what’s the solution? It’s not about throwing away your phone and moving to a cabin in the woods—though that does sound tempting some days. It’s about taking back control. 

  • Start small: Turn off non-essential notifications. 

  • Set limits: Use apps to monitor your screen time and enforce breaks. 

  • Reconnect offline: Commit to phone-free moments, like during meals or before bedtime. 

Most importantly, ask yourself this: Is my smartphone serving me, or am I serving it? 

Breaking free isn’t easy, but the rewards—mental clarity, deeper relationships, and a sense of presence—are worth every step. 

References 

Elhai, J. D., Dvorak, R. D., Levine, J. C., & Hall, B. J. (2016). Problematic smartphone use: A conceptual overview and systematic review of relations with anxiety and depression psychopathology. Journal of Affective Disorders, 207, 251–259. Available at  https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jad.2016.08.030  

University of Texas at Austin (UT Austin). (2017, June 23). The mere presence of your smartphone reduces brain power, a study shows.  ScienceDaily. Available at www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/06/170623133039.htm 

Chen, L., Yan, F., Fan, S., Wu, Y., Yang, J., Yang, H., & Huang, C. (2021). The effects of short-term light exposure on subjective affect and comfort are dependent on the lighting time of day. Scientific Reports, 11(1). Available at https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-021-81182-y 

 



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Gabriel Costa

23 lessons at 23

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Edited by Gabriel Costa, Sunday, 10 Nov 2024, 00:15

Central park in Edinburgh, Scotland.  One of the first photos  I took when I arrived in the UK after leaving Brazil.

Growing up is so intense and funny, isn't it? It's strange to feel like I'm no longer a kid, yet still not quite who I thought I’d be. Beats me! It's a curious sensation. I felt a bit 'meh' about writing this and exposing myself, but you know what? That’s what growing up is all about. So here are 23 lessons I learned at 23. 

The only excuse you need is: because I wanted to. 

As social beings, we often want to fit in, but the truth is, we don’t need excuses to do what we want. Instead of facing tough conversations and taking accountability for our choices, our brains sometimes invent white lies and little stories—first to convince ourselves, then others—about why we’re doing what we’re doing. Who hasn’t caught themselves already crafting excuses in their head, just in case anyone asks, even before they've acted? But do you see how unnecessary that is?

Personally, I grew up as the kid who 'never caused problems,' so I always felt that if I wanted to take risks or pursue something, I needed a great excuse to justify it. But in reality, that’s not the case at all. So go travel to that amazing place because you want to. Learn that language because it excites you. Buy that thing simply because it brings you joy. Do what you want to do because you want to.

It’s simpler than we think. Needing to justify yourself is often just a reflection of your own insecurities. Truthfully, everyone is busy with their own lives and doesn’t care much about what you do or don’t do.

 Feeling of loneliness and emptiness is part of human existence, not everything has an explanation. 

Seriously, look around! "Life is not a strawberry" (a common expression in Brazil to say that life isn't easy and/or doesn't make any sense).

For a long time, I thought that whenever I felt a lack of something, I needed someone else to fill that void. But what I’ve discovered is that this emptiness is inside me—it's a constant, and it’s part of being human. We’ll never feel completely satisfied. You’ve probably noticed that no matter what you achieve, something always feels missing, and that can hurt. I learned that the only real way to soothe this sensation is to accept it. Accepting it is much easier than fighting against it. If I could give any advice, it would be: just accept it, and don’t feel pressured to “fix” it. You’ll feel a lot lighter.

Self-responsibility is far more effective than guilt

It took me a long time to understand this. I used to blame myself for absolutely everything in my life, and that only hurt my self-esteem and led me to dwell on mistakes or 'missed chances'. If I can actually call them that. Whether it was something I did, something I said, or a relationship I may have damaged, I’d cling to guilt unnecessarily. But now, I think differently: I may not feel proud of everything I’ve done, but at the time, I did what I could. From here on, I’ll do things differently. I’m no longer letting minor details from the past disrupt my present or stop me from creating a better future. Everyone makes mistakes, fails, procrastinates, and regrets things—that’s life. And it’s those ups and downs that make life interesting. If I succeed, great. If I fail, I’ll try again, and if I can’t, then why worry?

I'll never know why some people hurt me—better to accept it

Like with making excuses, I used to overthink why people would hurt me, wondering how anyone could know their actions might harm me yet still go through with them. I’d try to find explanations, asking myself what could have driven them to act that way. The truth, though, is that I may never know. They might not even realize they hurt me, or if they do, they might not care. Maybe I wasn’t that important to them, and that’s okay (or maybe not, but that’s life). If they didn’t apologize, chances are they don’t care. Worrying about it is what I consider emotional masochism; I always tell that to my friend Joanna. (You'll hear about her a lot here) It only creates anxiety and unnecessary suffering. Letting it go is the only way to move forward, accepting that I may never know why.

I can always start again—my past doesn’t define me

We often look back and only see our mistakes or missed opportunities, instead of seeing it as part of our journey. Life is a process, with ups and downs. Can you imagine how dull it would be if you always succeeded or always failed? Uncertainty is what keeps us alive.

Life is what you’re doing right now as you read this. We may not control the past, but we have full influence over what happens next. Some people say, “I’d love to change careers, but I’m already 40.” So what? Start now. Others say, “I’ve tried going to the gym so many times, but I always quit.” So what? Try again tomorrow. It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve quit—you can always start again.

Have you given up on a project? Fine. Start a new one, or pick up where you left off. Dwelling on past failures only holds you back. If you were fired, you can find another job. If you failed an exam, you can try again. Would you rather use your years to live and try or to overthink and regret?

It's humanly impossible to stay the same forever

I’ve often felt puzzled by the changes in my personality, my style, or my perspectives over the years, and sometimes I’ve even felt embarrassed by it. But resisting change only makes things harder, and it won’t stop change from happening.

You can’t choose your desires; you can only choose how you respond to them. Liking or disliking something is a natural part of human growth, and the best thing you can do is accept it and move forward to your next change. 


Ending things when I feel like it

When writing this post, I learned another lesson. Whilst I know this post was supposed to be “23 Lessons at 23,” but I’m happy with the five I’ve shared, I’ll leave it at that. Why? Because I want to.

Wishing you all the best, and I hope these reflections have given you a break from life’s chaos. Leave a comment if you share similar thoughts on anything!





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