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Mondegreen in the Sky

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Edited by Richard Walker, Wednesday, 3 Feb 2016, 00:41
Coming home tonight/
The sky was clear and I saw before me/
The majesty of Orion. Seven stars.

Years ago I was riding pillion on my wife's motorcycle, on a winter night. I looked up and suddenly saw a constellation. "Look there's Orion!" I cried.

We swerved all over the road to avoid the lion.


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Tality Preferences

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Edited by Richard Walker, Monday, 1 Feb 2016, 19:54

I don't mind a bit of tality. But I don't want more.

I particularly dislike the fuh kind.

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From the Joke Factory

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Q. How do you attract an English breakfast lover?

A. See comment

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What travellers are saying about "Rapunzel's Hair"

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Sorry to sound negative, but this attraction was just a let-down for me.

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Cheese Shop Joke

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Hi Rapunzel, long time no see. Gruyère?

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A Kind of Ghost

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Often in the night
I hear the voice of my redheaded friend
He's always there
When I visit that room again.
The one with the white round tables, where we last met.

I still remember how my eyes filled
When I saw the message. I didn't have to open it.

If the subject is simply a name
It can only mean one thing.



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Cheese Joke

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What 1,000 kg cheese doesn't move a lot?

A. See comment

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One Liner

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Edited by Richard Walker, Wednesday, 27 Jan 2016, 23:03
Bondage? Not me.
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One Liner

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Edited by Richard Walker, Tuesday, 26 Jan 2016, 23:32
I took my dinosaur for a walk on the moor. Unfortunately the Brontes saw us.
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Freudian Mondegreen?

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Could ever such an odd hybrid exist?

It might. Tonight I heard this

A. "Guess what the second word is".

Pause.

B. "Oh my God, I thought you said, 'Guess what the semen word is.' "


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From The Political Joke Factory

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Edited by Richard Walker, Monday, 25 Jan 2016, 22:42

Q. Why did Engels fail his exam?

A. See comment.

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Ancient Greek Skipping Rhyme

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Edited by Richard Walker, Monday, 25 Jan 2016, 00:49

Whose knees are these?

Diogenes' knees.

He put them in peril.

By living in a barrel.

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Hurt Transporter

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Edited by Richard Walker, Sunday, 24 Jan 2016, 02:57
Sent a scarlet sarafan,
I followed the instructions.

"Wrap it around your wound
Let it extract the hurt and poison.
Then return it in the prepaid envelope.
If we can be so kind."



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Riddle

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Why is a beaver dam like a retirement party?

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Joke Factory (Art Division)

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Edited by Richard Walker, Sunday, 24 Jan 2016, 04:02
Q. Which dye bleeds most?


A. Sepia.

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Red Dwarfs

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I was thinking about red dwarf stars.

The second closest star to us is a red dwarf but we can't see it with the naked eye (or see any other red dwarf directly for that matter).

The star is Proxima Centauri, only discovered about 100 years ago. It may have a loose connection with the binary star Alpha Centauri, which to the naked eye seems to be a single star but is actually a pair.

What a marvelous story this is, to my mind. We have gradually increased our visual reach over recent centuries, and now know that very close to us there is a system of three interrelated stars. Imagine what it must be like to live there.

Moreover we now think red dwarfs are the commonest kind of star, at least in our neighborhood. Theory predicts that a small red dwarf will have a lifetime of about 2,000 billion years, and then become a blue dwarf. No-one (human or other) has ever seen one of these blue dwarfs, even through a telescope, because the universe is nothing like old enough for a blue dwarf to have formed.

Our star is a yellow dwarf and won't last very long at all in comparison.






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Two Spies and a Paradox

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Edited by Richard Walker, Wednesday, 20 Jan 2016, 01:31

Once upon a time there were two spies, code-named M and N, who worked for rival departments.

By coincidence on one particular day M and N were both assigned to 24-hour surveillance of the email messages sent by a dastardly counterspy X to one of her accomplices Y.

The messages were cunningly encrypted, so the content was unreadable, but it was hoped that monitoring the number of communication would indicate whether or not a crisis was looming and action would need to be taken.

A downward trend during the day would indicate there was no cause for alarm; conversely an upward trend would indicate danger.

M counted the messages sent in each 12-hour period and submitted a report with a graph showing a clear downward trend.


N counted the messages sent in each 8-hour period and submitted a report with a graph showing a clear upward trend.


Yet the equipment used by each spy was perfectly reliable, and they recorded the data accurately. How can this paradox be explained?

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Taking Control

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Edited by Richard Walker, Tuesday, 19 Jan 2016, 01:48

Even though it's Winter

Please let's lure Spring. 

With our hypnotic stare.

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Early Life

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Jumping

Frolicking

Marching

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A Comfort Sandwich

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Jamuary

Breaduary

Marge

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From the Joke Factory Again

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Edited by Richard Walker, Sunday, 17 Jan 2016, 02:55

Q. What award is given to an alpine cow that no-one can catch?



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Snow Gauge Haiku

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Tonight, here, a very little snow

Hardly worth writing about

Still a surprise.


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Another from the Joke Factory

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Q. What did the worm sob, as he threw himself over the cliff?

A. See comment

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Departure

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"Now I must go", she said.

I will write whenever I can.

If it does not distress you.

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Breakage

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Edited by Richard Walker, Thursday, 14 Jan 2016, 00:43

We often scramble in our heart-rubbish

For shattered glass.

Sobbing to think it was broken.

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