Personal Blogs

Today I am reading on the front of Times 2 that I should go feral.

As all guys and dolls know the Times is greatly respected from all quarters whatsoever, so naturally I am following this tip.

But regrettably the word about this is all over Broadway in hardly any time, and it transpires Al is not pleased about being gone for, and whilst I am doing nothing but quietly munching a chop down at Mindy's, who should come in but two gorillas who demand not a little aggressively what I mean by going for Al.

I explain that I just mean I will vote for him anytime soon and the gorillas back off, and leave in a very handsome manner, I must say.

Just while I am getting properly back to the chop, in comes in another pair of guys, who are all steamed up that I am a supporter of Al. Again I have to explain that I have been misunderstood and in fact Al will never be top of my popularity list but a person I will attack on account of the fact I hate and despise him.

So eventually these also depart, although one of them scowls somewhat, but I am left to finish the chop, although of course it is cold by now.

As I am explaining later to Little Pete, all this interruption is not a little anxiety provoking and can lead to dyspepsia, especially when the gorillas are somewhat large and morose also, and do not seem well educated; and it does not seem as though a wise person in this town should read misleading newspapers.

Moral:

Honesty is one thing. Policy's another.

With tribute to Damion Runyon.

Times 2, 30 August 2016

I love spontaneous tongue twisters. Tonight someone said

"The blue bin men haven't been."

Some drunken peasants swore they'd sell me a vineyard. I saw at once it was a windup.

People don't take to the streets over just a couple of grievances. Two wrongs don't make a riot.

I felt I was being stitched up. I went through a really bad patch.

I dressed myself up specially for you.

But neither of us existed.

One of my astronomy students was the best in her year. Star pupil.

We hope you enjoy this garden (Heretounder referred to as 'The Garden'). Its mode of utilisation should be self-explanatory.

Update # 1

Owing to an unforeseeable mis-creation glitch we strongly non-advocate the ingestion of particular globular pomacious fruit-types that may be conducive to somatic embarrassment and conclude in potentially sub-optimal long-term heritage outcomes.

Update # 2 and Security Alert # 1

It has been brought to our (omnipresent) attention that a formerly senior advisor we were forced to demote from his former position following a management reshuffle has resorted to exploiting his recently established down-hierarchy status to promulgate misleading contrary guidance respecting the fruit referred to hereabove in Update # 1.

Garden residents should be advised that this advice is unsanctioned. It may invalidate The Garden warrant and lead to summary eviction from The Garden. Transgressors will be deemed to be in violation of the terms of tenancy and therefore lack any substantive grounds of complaint or redress, legal or otherwise.

The Garden Team wish all Residents a Happy Stay.

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Dear fly,

To leave me alone

Would be a good deed.

Mother and father,

Your voices are faint

I think I am lost to you.

It's tough being a stand up comedian. You can't afford to fall down on the job.

Damned fly.

You stopped me.

"I also live".

That's what you said.