The barrister F. E. Smith (later 1st Earl of Birkenhead) was renowned for his sharp wit in court. For example

Judge: I have read your case, Mr Smith, and I am no wiser now than I was when I started. 
Smith: Possibly not, My Lord, but far better informed.

There’s bigots but no smallots. Why is this?

Oh god this food is crap.

Plates are cold.

Really slow service.

And too loud.

Why did we come here.

How many stars?

‘Gubernator’ and ‘Cybernaut’ are ancestral the same word, which meant steersman, in Latin and Greek.respectively. How remarkable, that govern retains a similar meaning, yet cyber has gone its own way.

Sad news today. The inventor of the candle extinguisher has snuffed it.

Not sure where I heard this one.

How would you organise a wedding in space?

Plan it.

The Greek physician Hippocrates of Cos recorded in about 430 BCE that lettuce has sedative properties and it does indeed contain a mild narcotic. Perhaps taken to excess it could cause salad daze.

This is the terminus of the North Norfolk Railway, which runs from Sheringham to Holt about 5 miles away. At this time of year there are about 9 trains each way a day, and the majority are pulled by steam which is rather thrilling!

Try saying this over and over

How cool is a cool cucumber?

I had a friend Rudolph who was a fervent communist but worked during the day selling umbrellas, macs, Wellington boots and other stuff designed to keep you dry. He was a real expert and would tell customers “Rudolph the Red knows rain gear”.

Don't cry-ee! Don't sigh-ee!
There's a silver lining in the sky-ee
Bon soir old thing! Cheerio, chin-chin!
Nahpoo! Toodleoo! Goodbye-ee!

From the popular WW1 song Good-bye-ee, by Weston and Lee. Look out for it in Oh What A Lovely War.

What does chin-chin mean though? I always vaguely imagined it was an English-Languge expression for "cheers" and to do with two people holding glasses to their chins to toast one another.

But no! It seems to have come into English and many other languages from Italian cincin (pronounced the same). I found several explanations, such as it being derived for the name of the famous vermouth, or the sharp sound made when two drinking glasses gently collide.

But these informal etymologies, though appealing, are almost certainly wrong. The word appears to be from a Europeanised version of Chinese quing-quing,請請, which means something like "please, welcome". Why it came first into Italian I don't know.

Napoo is for another day.

My gardening companion was recently donated a garden bench which may have woodworm, so I looked up The Common Furniture Beetle. Turns out the woodworm is almost certainly not active and if it were then the wood can be treated in an ecologically friendly (except to woodworms) way.

Woodworms are larva of the CF beetle and spend three to four years eating their way through wood in a fairly haphazard way. They then come close to the wood surface (how do they know where it is?) and become a pupa for some weeks, finally emerging as adult beetles. From then on they don't eat, just mate if they can, and then the females lay their eggs in any cranny she can find in the wood, and the cycle starts again. Like many insects the adult we see is just a final short-lived phase at the end of a much longer life as a larva.

That's fascinating, that such a life-style has emerged, and in fact there are a fair bunch of other wood-borer insects apart for the CFB.

This all set me thinking about beetles. Famously there are many different kinds, about 400,000 known to date, and they constitute 40% of insect species and 25% of all animal species. Think of that; pick a random animal and there is 1 in 4 chance it will be a beetle.

A note to end on (The American Naturalist, 1959):

There is a story, possibly apocryphal, of the distinguished British biologist, J.B.S. Haldane, who found himself in the company of a group of theologians. On being asked what one could conclude as to the nature of the Creator from a study of his creation, Haldane is said to have answered, “An inordinate fondness for beetles.”

See https://www.jstor.org/stable/2458768