Knock-Knock!
Quién es?
Gringo.
Qué Gringo?
Gringo the rushes-oh!
Knock-Knock!
Quién es?
Gringo.
Qué Gringo?
Gringo the rushes-oh!
This joke popped into my head last night. In an oblique way, it is what it says it is.
But when I googled - to see if it was original - I found the late humorist Mikes Kington (author of 'The Franglais Lieutenant's Woman', etc., etc.) had beaten me to it, in his The Independent column.
Disaster! Because, he mentioned Partridge's Dictionary of Catchphrases, and explained it was a serious distraction ('I took down it from my references shelf and at once found catchphrases I did not know existed').
Naturally I was at once seduced and immediately bought the book. I turned straightaway to 'Knock-knock' and found this beautiful gem*; a KK joke but with a lot of Mondegreen in it too.
Knock-knock!
Who's there?
Mayonnaise.**
Mayonnaise who?
Mayonnaise have seen the Glory of the Coming of the Lord.
In the same vein I offer my own humble attempt.
Knock-knock!
Who's there?
Manacled.
Manacled who?
Manacled, but Few are Chosen.
Notes
* One editor of the dictionary referred to describes this joke as 'exemplary for the extravange of its awfulness'.
** Mayonnaise is probably named for Port Mahon in Minorca, which is named after a Carthaginian general who was a close relation of Hannibal. So someone, related to a general who took elephants over the Alps, from Iberia to Italia, to wage war on Rome, gave his name to an island, where a salad dressing was invented, that turned up 2,500 years later, in a knock-knock joke.
I was over at d'Artagnan's place, I says to him, "Dude, can you look after my long-barreled gun for a coupla days?" He's like, "Non, mon ami, you can't leave your musket here."
I answered in silvery tones
"I was not being steely
I merely spoke with irony."
Complete these stories:
1 Went out drinking with some onion-sellers. Well! We got ....ed!
2 Went out drinking with some gun-sellers. Well! We got ....ed! And then we got ....ed!
3 Went out drinking with some people that work with ancient monuments. Well! We got ....ed!
5 Went out drinking with some people who smoke fish. Well! We got ....ed!
6 Went out drinking with some drunken sailors, *on their boat*. Well! We got ....ed!
7 Went out drinking with some experts on fish buoyancy. Well! We got ....ed!
8 Went out drinking with some vets. Well! We got ....ed!
I started a new tailoring company. Business is so-so.
Q. Why did Offsky say "Moscow"?
A. Because he was Russian off!!
Sophocles
Wrote plays in threes.
But he kept things under control.
There was sex and violence, but no rock n roll.
As Uncle Ebenezer used to say, “I don't mind being pitied. If you've got the time, that is. But don't put yourself out. Not on my account”.
Oats the last few maize critics of our Xmas cracker jokes have described them as "corny" and "barley funny".
Regular customers can thesh assured wheat always rye to do our best.
Happy New Ear!
Are no longer famous; nor I young, in truth.
A couple of days ago Simon Reid reminded me about Ivor Cutler. A cross between poet, songster, philosopher, and humourist, but always with a touch of surrealism.
Here we have 'Get Away From The Wall'.
When you have digested it, hear that it actually happened to me. Lingering on a Summer's afternoon, and taliking to someone, I rested on a wall.
The owner of the wall appeared quickly and told me it was his wall, and I had no right to sit on it. I could not say his accents were small; I would say they were brusque, perhaps discourteous.
I will not hurt your wall, I said, and left.
...with a boat tied to her head?
Maureen!
I met a beautiful woman who shared my love of flat shoes. I immediately realised we were sole mates.
... with trees growing out of his head?
Woody!
Hearse and worse
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