Personal Blogs

Blessed is the man

who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked,

or set foot on the path of sinners,

or sit in the seat of mockers.

Psalm 1:1

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One of my favourite words is the word sincere. The double syllabic consonants slide smoothly off the tongue. It’s a soothing word in my mind; it summons up images of the type of humans I like to be with; those who are genuine and unpretentious. There is a hygge feeling with the word. But I self-reflect on the word as well. Am I the kind of person others are refreshed by?

Some years ago, I had an epiphany; I realised that many of the people in my life were making me unhappy. Lack of empathy, gossip, slander, bullying, and control tactics were the norm. I decided to withdraw and create new friendships. It wasn’t an easy decision; it meant withdrawing from those whom I had known most of my life. It also meant reinventing a new identity. The decision brought happiness. My epiphany was this: as a person I was intrinsically happy. It was the unkind people in my immediate proximity that brought negative energy into my life.

Ridding such ones demands radical decisions. What if it’s your boyfriend, your workmates, family, or friends? The truth of the matter is, we must enter the darkness if you are to see the dawn, the new day.

How do they treat you? Do they corrode your self-esteem by being offensive, then say “I was only joking” or “You’re too sensitive” or “Get a life”? Do they bully you to the extent that you never make your own decisions? Do they humiliate you in public by saying you're too fat or stupid? Are they nice to your face but criticise you behind your back? Do they defame your values, destroy your dreams, flatter for profit and leave you as empty as a pocket?

You cannot afford to be naïve and think they will change. They may have been this way all their lives. Don’t think marrying your future partner will make it happily ever… “Marry in haste; repent at leisure” the aphorism states.

Can you categorise those in life that make you unhappy? Is the person a narcissist? Uncaring, perhaps spoiled as a child. They always think of themselves first. The language gives them away. The “I” and the “me” stand erect in every sentence. They bully you into their way of thinking all the time.

There may be economic considerations to consider. That will take planning. Hitch your waggon to others that feel like you, who are kind and thoughtful and really care. It maybe you can flat share to get away from the immediate crisis. This is especially so where violence is involved. Remember, violence visited on a partner leaves lifelong emotional scars on you and the children if you have them.

Is it friends that is the issue? Join a group where you can find new friends. Is it family? Remember, you are attached to family by reason of history, but genetically, you are almost as much related to every human. Find another family. Join a walking, photography, writing, language or sports group. The internet is full of sources and meetups. In many cases, some groups have people who have shared and have suffered what you have gone through. God bless your efforts.

Fix my own steps solidly in your saying. 

And may no kind of hurtful thing domineer over me.

Psalm 119:133

P.S. 68324 people have accessed this blog in the past 2 years. It indicated they have an inclination towards spirituality. If you have a desire to discuss these matters in privacy, feel free to email me at JimAlba@proton.me

Otherwise, just say hello.