Personal Blogs

I still get angry. I got angry only yesterday. 

Even though anger feels unpleasant. This doesn’t always make it easy to resist. And against my better judgement I do get angry, I wish I didn't. I don't like getting angry, and like Dr. David Banner you wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

It's hard sometimes. Money is stressful. Things keep breaking down and need fixing, and it’s expensive and tiring to deal with.

I don't always feel friendly. I find it impossible to be friendly all the time.

Equanimity can be challenging too, especially when dealing with others. I can't always get away from people and what they want, and they can be quite demanding at times.

I do still get angry, I wish I didn’t. I keep practising to abandon it, and one day I will be free of it.

I am devoted to the spiritual path, but I don't always find it easy. I keep trying. I want to give up, but I keep trying, despite my failings, I persevere.

I really dislike violence and it's against my religion (Buddhism). I believe we can change things for the better without resorting to violence. 

The Buddha himself at times took part in non-violent activism. My view is, if it can help change things for the better I think it’s worth a go.

The hard part is if it fails. 

As a Buddhist I train not to get angry or to grieve. It's not easy, I frequently fail at the training, but I keep trying. I'm not saying anyone else should do this, it is just a training I have undertaken for myself and I don't judge others for not doing the same. I just concentrate on my own practise. 

I saw clearly how grief was causing me unnecessary suffering. It didn't change what happened, it made me very depressed and caused me to say and do things I regretted later. I remember after my father died I became an alcoholic and I used my grief as an excuse for this. It took me a long time to break free of it. I had a sudden lightbulb moment (insight) and I saw clearly how my grief was causing me unnecessary suffering. That grief was an activity and I didn’t have to do it.

Things in this world are impermanent, they are always changing, nothing here lasts, and we are all fated to become separated from what we love, and no amount of complaining or grieving about it will bring anyone back or change what has happened in the past.

It doesn’t mean I don't care. I don’t have to be sorrowful to care. I train myself to feel compassion and try to do what I can to help other beings but without getting angry and sorrowful about it.

The goal of the Buddhist path is to liberate the mind from suffering.

Compassion doesn’t have to involve painful feelings and emotions, and often these can make things worse. This is difficult for my non-Buddhist friends to understand, and some people have got angry with me for it, but not getting angry and not grieving doesn't make me cold and unfeeling. There is still warmth there.

You don’t have to get angry to speak truth and make a difference in the world.

" When angry states of mind arise in meditation, balance them by developing feelings of loving-kindness. If someone does something bad or gets angry, don’t get angry yourself. If you do, you are being more ignorant than they. Be wise. Keep in mind compassion, for that person is suffering. Fill your mind with loving-kindness as if he were a dear brother.”  -Ajahn Chah

Anger is suffering. It feels unpleasant. Like a sickness. A poison. Harming the body.

Metta (loving-kindness) feels good. It feels pleasant. Like a medicine. It helps heal the body. Metta fosters connection and friendship. Is good for our health and wellbeing, as well as everyone else’s. 

Anger harms the body; metta heals it. 
Anger harms society; metta heals it.

It can feel extremely challenging to go from anger to metta (loving-kindness) though. Sometimes I can't just snap myself out of an angry state.

Something interesting about feelings: a neutral feeling feels pleasant after a painful feeling. Knowing this can be helpful.

It takes a bit of effort, and some will power at first. One must refuse to enter into any dialogue with the mind. Ignore thoughts. This is not an intellectual matter. For me, anger is a state of emergency, a dangerous fire I need to put out ASAP.

I must forget the past, forget the future, forget the self, forget what the anger is even about, forget it all, words are not what’s needed. There’s no reasoning with a mind absorbed in anger. Keep attentive to the neutral feeling, which becomes easier to do as the mind notices it feels more pleasant than being angry

Let what is sensed be just what is sensed, without adding anymore to it. 

Awareness of space. Of the elements, earth, water, or air.

The touch of clothing on the skin.

A cool breeze can also help.

Half-closing my eyes reduces the visual information coming in.
Which can ease agitation. It is amazing how much difference half-closing one’s eyes makes. It helps reduce sensory input, which can be calming.

Pacing back and forth, and gradually slowing my pace down, till it becomes a calm serene walking pace. Imagining myself walking like a Buddha.

Walking can feel good, because it has this feeling that you are walking through stuff, walking it out of your system. I like the feeling of motion, the sensations in the feet, the feeling of the space around the body.

When the mind is calm, metta is easier to practise which brings pleasant feelings.

The neutral feeling like a bridge from anger to loving-kindness.

There's a quote I remember, but not sure who said it. (I can't find it anywhere online.) But it was by a forest monk (I think). Someone asked him if greed, anger, and conceit still arose in his mind. He answered 'yes, but there isn't anywhere for it to land, so nothing becomes of it.'

Sometimes I can centre on an empty space within. When I go there the fire of anger can’t take a hold and goes out. Same with wanting, conceit and delusion. They don’t affect me when I am centred with emptiness. It all just stops, ceases before it can take a hold. There’s a lovely feeling in the heart space then. It becomes a place of no fear and can feel freeing and peaceful.

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