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Where am I going in life?
I don’t know how to start this, but I think it’s time I tried.
Maybe everyone asks themselves where they’re headed. Truth is, I’ve been asking myself the same thing:
Where am I going in life?
I wish I had a solid answer. But I don’t. Not yet.
All I know is, I’ve messed up. Not just once, but over and over. I didn’t take school seriously. I didn’t push myself. I gave up too easily. And not because I didn’t care, but because I didn’t believe I could be anything. I thought it was safer not to try than to try and fail in front of everyone.
I’ve spent a lot of time on my own. Friends drifted away. I didn’t have much to say, and after a while, I stopped trying. I thought maybe I was just boring because of my lack of education. I started feeling like a stranger, even to myself.
So, I turned to things that made it all easier to forget—alcohol, drugs. At first it felt like freedom. Like I could finally breathe. But it wasn’t long before it started to pull me under. And now I’m here, somewhere between numb and broken, wondering how I got this lost.
But here’s the thing: I don’t want to stay here.
I’m writing this not because I’ve figured everything out, but because I want to. I want something better for myself—even if I don’t fully believe I deserve it yet.
Maybe I’m not boring. Maybe I’m just buried under layers of shame and silence. Maybe I haven’t found my voice yet, but that doesn’t mean it’s not there.
I want the reader to know that I’m not proud of where I’ve been, but I’m not giving up on where I’m going. Not anymore.
I don’t expect you to fix anything for me. I just want you to know that I’m trying to face things honestly. That I want to change. That I want to become proud of myself.
I hope you; the reader can help. I’ve kept a lot in because I didn’t want to let things get worse. But maybe it’s time to try to establish a perfect version of me I thought I had to be, but the real one, the one still figuring it all out.
Thanks for being there, dear reader, I’m still here. I’m not giving up. Not today.
Love,
Anonymous
*****
Dear Anonymous,
First, thank you. Thank you for writing with such raw honesty, and for trusting that someone out there would listen. I want you to know that your words matter. They matter because they come from a place many people never have the courage to reach: the place where real change begins.
You ask, “Where am I going in life?” That’s not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of awakening. The truth is, many of us ask that question at different points in life, even later than you might think. But the difference is that you're not asking from a place of denial — you’re asking from a desire to grow. And that’s a powerful thing.
You say you’re not proud of where you’ve been, but you’re not giving up on where you're going, and that tells me everything I need to know about you. There’s strength in you. There’s honesty. And there’s hope.
May I gently encourage you to focus not on the version of yourself you think you should be, but on the version that would make you proud. That may mean setting goals, small at first. Could you go to university one day? Absolutely. Many countries, including here in Scotland, offer student loans and support for those who want to begin again, even if they didn’t take school seriously the first time. There’s no shame in a late start, only in never starting at all.
When I was young, shyness held me back. It took me a while to realise that much of it came from not having anything to say, or thinking I didn’t. But once I began to read and learn, I discovered my voice. I filled the silence with ideas, books, journals, and slowly, my confidence grew. You are not boring. You are simply becoming. Keep feeding your mind and soul, you'll be surprised at what rises to the surface.
And please, try not to keep yourself too isolated. I hear the loneliness in your words. We’re not meant to do life alone. Join a walking group, a book club, a writing circle, not to impress anyone, just to connect. You may be surprised at the kind people you’ll meet when you stop expecting rejection and start offering yourself with kindness.
Many young people today are quietly returning to faith. Maybe it's the influence of voices like Jordan Peterson or online apologists, or maybe it’s because deep down, we’re all looking for something bigger than ourselves to make sense of the struggle. If you feel drawn that way, follow the light you see. Take a few moments to ponder on the Bible writer’s advice at
Psalm 34:18
“When someone is hurting or brokenhearted,
the Eternal moves in close and revives him in his pain.”
The Voice Bible
Anonymous, I hope you’ll keep writing. Let this be the first of many letters — not just to others, but to yourself. You are not finished. You are not broken beyond repair. You are simply on the way.
Let me know how you get on.
With every good wish,
Jim