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Transactional Analysis
[ 4 minute read ]
'Don't threaten me! I know Transactional analysis! At least some of it.
There are weird roadworks in my neighbouring village. There are oval-shaped loops that reach across both sides of the road, where the workers have dug it up and then refilled and resurfaced it. They have also put in some pedestrian crossings. I asked the shopkeepers wife what she thought the loops are. (Speed Humps have covered these looped road works completely).
'I don't know' she said, 'They are putting in two crossings'. Well, you never know, I thought.
'Yeah, I have seen where there are raised beds where the crossings will be.'
'Raised levels,' she said. 'Raised beds are in gardens,' she said, patronising me.
Here is the transactional analysis: The shopkeeper's wife has three daughters, and up until very recently, she knew better than all of them. That is until one has now gone to University. She is catching up with mum.
'Hmmm,' I hummed, 'The Highways Agency told me that they are raised beds when they did the crossroads in my village. Different road people with different language, I suppose.' I offered. She did not look pleased.
'Well they are putting in a parallel crossing too; for cyclists and pedestrians.'
I so wanted to say, 'Dutch Crossing.' She rattles me. I have never seen or heard of either a parallel crossing in England, or a Dutch Crossing, but I have been on Dutch Roundabouts, which have the 'parallel crossing' the shopkeeper's wife alluded to.
More transactional analysis: I am the teacher and she is the student - not the other way around. Now I know why we don't get on. She, being a parent to three girls thinks she is the educator. Relationships only work when parties agree to stay within the parameters of their prescribed roles. I am not her student; my bad. She is not my teacher; her bad. How is it that it is wrong for me to think I am never her student? I can't learn if I am not open. However, there is no way that I can outwardly give her credence for her knowledge because the shopkeeper (her husband), it seems, has taken the role of student and satisfied her that she is indeed the teacher. Any support to the same effect from the outside world, and she would never learn from me.
'Everything was working fine before,' I mused aloud.
'Well, it is up to the Council. Whatever they decide, we will get.' She just couldn't resist patronising me again. But I hear a clue in this kind of statement. The secret words are: I don't know anything on the subject so let's move on. It is a good idea to move on. Move on. Recognise my superiority on the subject, move on!
'The District Council might get absorbed by the County Council soon, I think.' Neither could I.
Never judge a book by its cover, they say. This book was titled Skeptic. I have read all the chapters even though it is not necessary. She gives spoilers on every page.
I have read on a couple of news sites online - the BBC or Sky being one of them, that many local district councils want to delay their local elections because there is going to be a reshuffle of local governments across England. I mentioned that our district council might be absorbed by the county council. She didn't believe me. Neither did the man who came to use the Post Office. He had not heard of this happening either.
He wasn't dressed like me. I was wearing a shirt and tie; he didn't need to; he is aware of everything that affects the value of his village house.
Their conclusion: I am an idiot. The new Councils will go live, supposedly, on Thursday 1st April 2027 and Saturday? 1st April 2028.
The shopkeeper's wife will not remember that she heard it from me first. She quite simply can't, because I am an idiot.
The moral of the story: Don't play the fool and expect people to take you seriously at a later date. If you choose a role to play, you will press people to choose an opposite role if they are not a future friend, and the same role if they will become your friend.
I think people abide by an unwritten rule that they will permanently play a role, even if they know nothing about Transactions and the ebb and flow of relationships. The shopkeeper's wife will struggle with letting her daughters become teachers, I suspect.
I was born and bred in the same village for the first sixteen years of my life. The whole village knew me, my siblings, and my parents. They knew where we lived and how we lived. The villagers spoke to me and considered me in a particular way.
When I was seventeen, I worked in the south of Germany and had a completely blank script to work from. There were no stage-hands; no seasoned actors; and most importantly, no director. I lived and interacted with the locals as myself without having to conform to people's attitudes to me. I grew and became myself.
When I came back to my home village, the villagers discovered that I did not respond to them as a known entity. I defied their mindless attitudes. They realised that I was different. I was no longer the person they thought I once was. They no longer patronised me; they treated me with respect. The roles of 'adult and child' were replaced with 'adult and adult'.
References
Institute for Government
Matthew Fright, Reorganising district councils and local public services,
.
Sky News - 'Number of councils that have requested delay to local elections revealed - is yours one of them?',